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I am revisiting this journal because I need a place to vent so I won't drive my loved ones crazy. I have realized recently that I have issues with depression. What I mean when I say that is my anxiety, my problems with existence, my anger, they have been overwhelming my good thoughts. So deeply and for so long I am starting to lose faith in turning the tables. I want to have more good thoughts and feelings than bad ones. I want to be healthy.
I am going to start going to counseling this month. I have the number for a 20$ a session one, I'll try that out, if it's not good for me I just got accepted for medical insurance and I can pick a different type of counseling. I am not really open to being on pharmaceuticals but if I trust someone and they recommend it I will do it.
Nothing matters more to me than getting healthy. If I have to cut out any part of my life I will. Drinking and smoking have been habits that I have enjoyed for a while. But I don't really enjoy them anymore I just continue because they are habits. I don't want to do that, I don't want to be weak, I want to be able to adapt and change gracefully.
Another way I am trying to help my situation is putting myself on a schedule. I feel like I have too much reflection time or killing time in my life. Although I enjoy being contemplative, I think I have developed a pattern of having epiphanies and not integrating them into my life. Being on a schedule will help me stay true to the things I know are good for me, like yoga, nature time, and music and art. I always have these things in my life anyway, but if I love them the more than anything, why don't I do them more than anything? So now I'm making sure I have 20 hrs a week of yoga and nature time, and 20 hrs a week of music and art. On top of that 20hrs a week making money, which isn't a joy but a necessity. So with this busy-ness and structure, my times of contemplation with be all the more satisfying and fruitful.
I will keep updating on my progress, wish me luck.
I am going to start going to counseling this month. I have the number for a 20$ a session one, I'll try that out, if it's not good for me I just got accepted for medical insurance and I can pick a different type of counseling. I am not really open to being on pharmaceuticals but if I trust someone and they recommend it I will do it.
Nothing matters more to me than getting healthy. If I have to cut out any part of my life I will. Drinking and smoking have been habits that I have enjoyed for a while. But I don't really enjoy them anymore I just continue because they are habits. I don't want to do that, I don't want to be weak, I want to be able to adapt and change gracefully.
Another way I am trying to help my situation is putting myself on a schedule. I feel like I have too much reflection time or killing time in my life. Although I enjoy being contemplative, I think I have developed a pattern of having epiphanies and not integrating them into my life. Being on a schedule will help me stay true to the things I know are good for me, like yoga, nature time, and music and art. I always have these things in my life anyway, but if I love them the more than anything, why don't I do them more than anything? So now I'm making sure I have 20 hrs a week of yoga and nature time, and 20 hrs a week of music and art. On top of that 20hrs a week making money, which isn't a joy but a necessity. So with this busy-ness and structure, my times of contemplation with be all the more satisfying and fruitful.
I will keep updating on my progress, wish me luck.