your quarter's on my sugar.
drove and drove. smoked and smoked. cried a little.
that's a lie. fucking buckets.
it's easy to fall down;
when you hate what you see in the rearview mirror.
easier to skip classes, snap at friends, brush off work.
i need the jolt.
i need the sand in my cuts (when my knees slam the bottom).
but i am hurting too many people on my way down.
i'm pushing them away, but pushing too hard.
and i'm sorry. i never learned to pilot freefall.
highlight; dale was perfect. she said all of the right things.
she gave me cigarettes and turned up the music. and made me laugh.
she said 'fuck it,' because she knew that's what i needed.
and wanted. to hear. and i stayed silent. and that was okay too.
i didn't want to cry in front of jess. so i bit my lip.
and the next time i opened my mouth my shit was bananas. b-a-nana-s.
and i didn't even want to throw up. just sleep.
