How To Avoid Being Baited
Counseling is an interesting profession. People tell us secrets. People tell us lies. People get pissed when other people tell us secrets. It's just a lot of fun.
Particularly teen clients with parents who brought them to counseling so they could get help and have a place to talk about things (GOOD) but then get upset when the client isn't telling them things and takes out said frustration on counselor (BAD).
Then there are the parents who need counseling themselves.
Sometimes, they email me. Last week, I had one email me and say, "What should we be doing? I am completely open to your criticism of my parenting skills."
I have now instituted a new program in my email system where things like this come in emails decorated with red flags and neon signs that say "Stay the hell away" just in case I ever even considered venturing down that road.
I wrote back and explained that criticism isn't part of my job description and that parenting is hard enough without anyone else telling you what to do. In fact, in my estimation, parenting is hard BECAUSE other people are constantly telling you what to do.
This was much better than my initial gut reaction which was to simply remind said parent that teen is no longer 8 and should perhaps be treated as such and that teen is also not THEIR therapist.
I'm like a lawyer in how I use language so as to not lie. I just prefer to think that I'm not smarmy and that I am attempting to genuinely help people without ever ending up standing before the Board saying, 'Yes, I did lob criticism toward my client's parents and still refused to tell them their child's secrets."
Small goals.
Particularly teen clients with parents who brought them to counseling so they could get help and have a place to talk about things (GOOD) but then get upset when the client isn't telling them things and takes out said frustration on counselor (BAD).
Then there are the parents who need counseling themselves.
Sometimes, they email me. Last week, I had one email me and say, "What should we be doing? I am completely open to your criticism of my parenting skills."
I have now instituted a new program in my email system where things like this come in emails decorated with red flags and neon signs that say "Stay the hell away" just in case I ever even considered venturing down that road.
I wrote back and explained that criticism isn't part of my job description and that parenting is hard enough without anyone else telling you what to do. In fact, in my estimation, parenting is hard BECAUSE other people are constantly telling you what to do.
This was much better than my initial gut reaction which was to simply remind said parent that teen is no longer 8 and should perhaps be treated as such and that teen is also not THEIR therapist.
I'm like a lawyer in how I use language so as to not lie. I just prefer to think that I'm not smarmy and that I am attempting to genuinely help people without ever ending up standing before the Board saying, 'Yes, I did lob criticism toward my client's parents and still refused to tell them their child's secrets."
Small goals.