(I figured I should get ready to wrap this up)
Short Attention Span Theater Presents:
Figsauce Drama, Part... Oh Who The Hell Is Counting Anymore?
(The Penultimate Episode... Hopefully)
Act ???
Scene 1
Figsauce: hey, everybody! Guess wh-
Everybody: [groan]
Peanut Gallery: you're still hot for Aragorn?
Figsauce: DAMMIT!
Peanut Gallery: this is getting old. We're leaving. [exeunt]
Figsauce: OMG! You can't just leave me here! I need moral support!
Aragorn: hey everybody else! I'm back! I didn't make it through field training so I came back to work for the company.
Figsauce: ...
Aragorn: hey, Figsauce.
Figsauce: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Aragorn: oh tittybiscuits.
Figsauce: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
Scene 2
Figsauce: OMG, OMG, OMG. He came back. I'm still hot for him and I'm going to have to see him every fucking day and I'll never get over him it's already been a year what is wrong with me? [hyperventilates]
Fucknut: I can has relationship tiem nao?
Figsauce: GTFO KTHXDIE
Scene 3
Aragorn: [work work work]
Figsauce: [waves]
Aragorn: [avoid avoid avoid]
Figsauce: I have the feeling that we've been here before. [ponders]
Geek Guy #1: Figsauce, please notice my desperate, acrobatic ploys for your attention!
Geek Guy #2: Figsauce, please go out to dinner with me?
Geek Guy #3: I... I heard you like Quenya...
Geek Guy #4: Hi?
Figsauce: [exeunt]
Scene 4
Figsauce: okay, so I thought for a while that I might be getting over Aragorn but I'm really not, and he doesn't want to talk to me except sometimes he does and then I don't want to talk to him, and it's really confusing because I don't know if he still wants to be friends or if he's trying to be polite and I don't know if I can be friends with him because I still have the hots for him and what the hell is wrong with me that I still have the hots for him anyhow-[head explodes]
Geek Guy #1: you know, you could try dating other people.
Figsauce: oh my God, that's BRILLIANT!!! To OKCupid! [exeunt]
Geek Guy #1: [weeps softly]
Act ??!
Scene 1
Cap'n Jim: Figsauce! I shall take you pirating on the high seas!
Figsauce: win!
Cap'n Jim: oh and by the way, I've lived under eight different aliases in two different states and I suck at relationship communication.
Figsauce: fail.
Jake Blues: Figsauce! I am uberkinky and I will make you laugh!
Figsauce: win!
Jake Blues: oh and by the way, I have untreated erectile dysfunction and I just lost my job.
Figsauce: fail.
Fuzzy Bear: Figsauce! I am smart and queer and geeky!
Figsauce: win!
Fuzzy Bear: oh and by the way, I am full of angst and I bear a striking resemblance to Aragorn, the source of your neuroses.
Figsauce: wait, you look like Aragorn? >.>
Fox: hey Figsauce, you're probably going to ignore me!
Figsauce: wha?
Fox: no one this pretty ever replies to me. Dare you to.
Figsauce: oh it's on, bitch! I ANSWER J00!
Fox: whee! I got a response! For our first date I will take you to Benny Hana! That'll impress you, right?
Figsauce: FAIL.
Scene 2
Joshua Bell: hey, Figsauce! I'm Lisa's babydaddy!
Figsauce: OMGWTFKITTENS I mean congratulations!
Joshua Bell: I'm going to post to the board and see if anyone really believes it's me!
Figsauce: wut.
Celebrity!Stalker: I has a sockpuppet! Hiiiiiii Joooosh!
Figsauce: oh I see what you did there.
Fox: Figsauce, can we have another date?
Figsauce: oh, why the heck not.
Fox: whee!
Figsauce: but if you pull another weeaboo moment on me I'll kick your balls in.
Fox: eep.
Figsauce: [aside] I think he likes me.
Everybody: don't mess this up, Figsauce.
Figsauce: what? Hey! It's not like I manufacture dra-
Everybody: ...
Figsauce: stop looking at me like that.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Figsauce Drama, Part... Oh Who The Hell Is Counting Anymore?
(The Penultimate Episode... Hopefully)
Act ???
Scene 1
Figsauce: hey, everybody! Guess wh-
Everybody: [groan]
Peanut Gallery: you're still hot for Aragorn?
Figsauce: DAMMIT!
Peanut Gallery: this is getting old. We're leaving. [exeunt]
Figsauce: OMG! You can't just leave me here! I need moral support!
Aragorn: hey everybody else! I'm back! I didn't make it through field training so I came back to work for the company.
Figsauce: ...
Aragorn: hey, Figsauce.
Figsauce: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Aragorn: oh tittybiscuits.
Figsauce: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
Scene 2
Figsauce: OMG, OMG, OMG. He came back. I'm still hot for him and I'm going to have to see him every fucking day and I'll never get over him it's already been a year what is wrong with me? [hyperventilates]
Fucknut: I can has relationship tiem nao?
Figsauce: GTFO KTHXDIE
Scene 3
Aragorn: [work work work]
Figsauce: [waves]
Aragorn: [avoid avoid avoid]
Figsauce: I have the feeling that we've been here before. [ponders]
Geek Guy #1: Figsauce, please notice my desperate, acrobatic ploys for your attention!
Geek Guy #2: Figsauce, please go out to dinner with me?
Geek Guy #3: I... I heard you like Quenya...
Geek Guy #4: Hi?
Figsauce: [exeunt]
Scene 4
Figsauce: okay, so I thought for a while that I might be getting over Aragorn but I'm really not, and he doesn't want to talk to me except sometimes he does and then I don't want to talk to him, and it's really confusing because I don't know if he still wants to be friends or if he's trying to be polite and I don't know if I can be friends with him because I still have the hots for him and what the hell is wrong with me that I still have the hots for him anyhow-[head explodes]
Geek Guy #1: you know, you could try dating other people.
Figsauce: oh my God, that's BRILLIANT!!! To OKCupid! [exeunt]
Geek Guy #1: [weeps softly]
Act ??!
Scene 1
Cap'n Jim: Figsauce! I shall take you pirating on the high seas!
Figsauce: win!
Cap'n Jim: oh and by the way, I've lived under eight different aliases in two different states and I suck at relationship communication.
Figsauce: fail.
Jake Blues: Figsauce! I am uberkinky and I will make you laugh!
Figsauce: win!
Jake Blues: oh and by the way, I have untreated erectile dysfunction and I just lost my job.
Figsauce: fail.
Fuzzy Bear: Figsauce! I am smart and queer and geeky!
Figsauce: win!
Fuzzy Bear: oh and by the way, I am full of angst and I bear a striking resemblance to Aragorn, the source of your neuroses.
Figsauce: wait, you look like Aragorn? >.>
Fox: hey Figsauce, you're probably going to ignore me!
Figsauce: wha?
Fox: no one this pretty ever replies to me. Dare you to.
Figsauce: oh it's on, bitch! I ANSWER J00!
Fox: whee! I got a response! For our first date I will take you to Benny Hana! That'll impress you, right?
Figsauce: FAIL.
Scene 2
Joshua Bell: hey, Figsauce! I'm Lisa's babydaddy!
Figsauce: OMGWTFKITTENS I mean congratulations!
Joshua Bell: I'm going to post to the board and see if anyone really believes it's me!
Figsauce: wut.
Celebrity!Stalker: I has a sockpuppet! Hiiiiiii Joooosh!
Figsauce: oh I see what you did there.
Fox: Figsauce, can we have another date?
Figsauce: oh, why the heck not.
Fox: whee!
Figsauce: but if you pull another weeaboo moment on me I'll kick your balls in.
Fox: eep.
Figsauce: [aside] I think he likes me.
Everybody: don't mess this up, Figsauce.
Figsauce: what? Hey! It's not like I manufacture dra-
Everybody: ...
Figsauce: stop looking at me like that.
TO BE CONTINUED...