(no subject)

[fightthetide122]

So even though I'm kind of hurt because of him not calling and of how everythings just kinda been dropped (me..us..) Today I know everythings gunna be ok. I'm gunna be ok. Last night I cried until i was exhausted and just layed there and fell asleep. And I needed that..I needed to get it out of my system. But I finally feel like this is it. If he never calls ok..I'll be ok..I'll wonder how he is and i'm sure we'll talk sometime...But I'll live. I know theres more out there for me than him and what he has to offer. He was nothing but a rollercoaster of highs, and letdowns everyday. Like lately when i started slippin I would honestly look at pics on myspace and stuff of ppl drinking or smoking and havin a "good time" and I WANTED THAT! i would watch movies and would be like THATS IT! i want no religion i want no conviction i just want to LIVE..But ya know thats seriously not living..Im lonely w/o the Lord in my life, I'm never truly truly happy or JOYFUL, I dont have answers and im confused and frusterated..and i was lookin at a pic again of some ppl from school that I knew and it was 2girls and guy and under the pic is said "gettin tipsy.well david (the guy in the pic.) is high.." And b4 i was like..they're havin fun. they dont care! ya know..but i looked at that, and i REALLY looked at their eyes..and one of the girls was just barely smiling and her eyes looked sad and empty..like u could see right into how she felt..and the other girl was smiling, but even her eyes looked hallow and the guy was smirking but his eyes were 1/2 open, he had his shirt off and he looked HIGH ya know.he did look like he just smoked..But it was sad. Instead of looking at that pic and goin no fair, they're having fun..I felt sorry for them..I didnt want any part in it..they looked empty and he looked like he was in a daze..i dunno.. things and feelings are diff now. I KNOW like i know my name that God has bigger and better for me than that..I've experienced it, I've dremt bout the possibilities, i've heard God call my name..and i've heard him say that he has better for me. That makes it alot easier to simply just pull away..Whether I talk to him again or not..I know that I'll be ok in the end. am i sad..sure, cuz i loved him..he had all of me at a certain time...whether he knew how to handle it or not.. and this weekend when all this kinda started and i wanted to call him so bad, but i like just had lol i was standing there thinking and it was like the Lord just dropped it into my head cuz i just heard it..he just said KNOW YOUR WORTH..and I was like wow..My worth is that he needs to be calling me..that I dont need to be calling him every second BEGGING HIM TO CALL ME BACK Practically w/ each call ya know. My worth is that im precious..that I'm a gift to any guy like every girl is. that u ARE a princess & deserve to have a gentlemen in ur life who will treat u like one.

ok well thats long enough lol and i g2g do school now..

I'm gunna be ok.. :-) *smiles*