I am feeling like a complete whore right now. Literally.
My day started off pretty good, having had a great time last night at the birthday party Cactusstar and I threw at our house for our friend Matt. Although that fun was dampened by the fact that Amythyst hurt her knees at the party and I felt really bad for her. Then today, Matt, my friends Kari and Theresa, and Matt's frined Obi all went to State St. Now the trip started out fun, but went downhill cause Matt seemed depressed and got more so as the day went on. On the way back from State Street Matt asked to be dropped off at St. Michaels so he could go to mass. So the rest of us go to wait at my house. After a little bit, Kari's phone rings and she starts talking to a friend. I go and check my computer and find out that I am officially single because my boyfriend didn't have the courage to talk to me face to face. I had this message left on my aim:
sir SLAYER1: hey i just got home from the bay area
Auto response from timfrin: freebirds
sir SLAYER1: and my phones been broken
sir SLAYER1: so i havent called you
sir SLAYER1: and im going to be gone all day today studying for my midterm tomorrow
sir SLAYER1: and i just have to tell you that i missed you and i really like you
sir SLAYER1: but i feel like not seeing you for the last two weeks just makes me feel like maybe we shouldnt be going out right now
sir SLAYER1: maybe later but just not now. our schedules are too different, and we just havent had time to develop a relationship
sir SLAYER1: and i dont want to feel like everytime i see you, i only see you for 10 minutes, kiss you and thats it.
sir SLAYER1: so yea. thats what im thinking.
sir SLAYER1: okay have a nice day.. bye.
So that was really fun. Then Obi is kinda tired so I offer to let him take a nap in my room. So he does. After a few minutes I decide to do some work on my two papers since Kari was still talking on the phone, but my backpack was in my room. I go in and Obi wasn't asleep so we started talking. It turns out that Matt was upset because he liked Obi and wanted to start a relationship, but Obi had just gotten out of one and wasn't sure what he wanted in a relationship yet, so he said no because he didn't want to hurt Matt. Just then my sister calls. It turns out that basically all of Southern California is on fire right now, but I hadn't known because I don't have cable and didn't see a paper today. My sister called to say that my brother and sister were probably evacuating tonight because they could see the flames from their house. It is very possible they will lose it. My sister also said that she could see the glow of one of the fires over the horizon, and asked what I would most want saved from my room if they had to evacuate. So I might lose my house too. My night was just getting better and better.
After I hung up I told Obi what was going on, cause I needed someone to talk to. At this point I was not really all there, so I laid down next to Obi just for some much needed human contact. And then we had sex. I knew that Matt like Obi a lot, and that I wasn't going to see Obi often, or that I really even wanted to go out with him. But somehow that all got pushed out of my mind, and all I though about were the warm arms holding me. Afterwards he felt a little weird about it, and I know that we both felt guilty because what we did could hurt Matt a lot, and that was something neither of us wanted. And there is no way the others didn't know what we were doing, cause we both just kinda disappeared, and while we were quiet, my house has paper thin walls. But I don't know if the others told Matt or not, but Obi didn't want to tell him so there isn't really a way to ask. We both enjoyed what we did, but I know that it was wrong for several reasons. Not the least of which is using sex as a means of human contact when one is off-balance in one's life. But what's done is done and I can't change anything. So yeah. I'm basically a whore right now. I just hope it didn't cost me a friend.
sir SLAYER1: hey i just got home from the bay area
Auto response from timfrin: freebirds
sir SLAYER1: and my phones been broken
sir SLAYER1: so i havent called you
sir SLAYER1: and im going to be gone all day today studying for my midterm tomorrow
sir SLAYER1: and i just have to tell you that i missed you and i really like you
sir SLAYER1: but i feel like not seeing you for the last two weeks just makes me feel like maybe we shouldnt be going out right now
sir SLAYER1: maybe later but just not now. our schedules are too different, and we just havent had time to develop a relationship
sir SLAYER1: and i dont want to feel like everytime i see you, i only see you for 10 minutes, kiss you and thats it.
sir SLAYER1: so yea. thats what im thinking.
sir SLAYER1: okay have a nice day.. bye.
So that was really fun. Then Obi is kinda tired so I offer to let him take a nap in my room. So he does. After a few minutes I decide to do some work on my two papers since Kari was still talking on the phone, but my backpack was in my room. I go in and Obi wasn't asleep so we started talking. It turns out that Matt was upset because he liked Obi and wanted to start a relationship, but Obi had just gotten out of one and wasn't sure what he wanted in a relationship yet, so he said no because he didn't want to hurt Matt. Just then my sister calls. It turns out that basically all of Southern California is on fire right now, but I hadn't known because I don't have cable and didn't see a paper today. My sister called to say that my brother and sister were probably evacuating tonight because they could see the flames from their house. It is very possible they will lose it. My sister also said that she could see the glow of one of the fires over the horizon, and asked what I would most want saved from my room if they had to evacuate. So I might lose my house too. My night was just getting better and better.
After I hung up I told Obi what was going on, cause I needed someone to talk to. At this point I was not really all there, so I laid down next to Obi just for some much needed human contact. And then we had sex. I knew that Matt like Obi a lot, and that I wasn't going to see Obi often, or that I really even wanted to go out with him. But somehow that all got pushed out of my mind, and all I though about were the warm arms holding me. Afterwards he felt a little weird about it, and I know that we both felt guilty because what we did could hurt Matt a lot, and that was something neither of us wanted. And there is no way the others didn't know what we were doing, cause we both just kinda disappeared, and while we were quiet, my house has paper thin walls. But I don't know if the others told Matt or not, but Obi didn't want to tell him so there isn't really a way to ask. We both enjoyed what we did, but I know that it was wrong for several reasons. Not the least of which is using sex as a means of human contact when one is off-balance in one's life. But what's done is done and I can't change anything. So yeah. I'm basically a whore right now. I just hope it didn't cost me a friend.