(no subject)
I clearly remember the first time my opinion differed from my mother's on something outside of our family. Because of where we were living and the size of our family, I know I was in elementary school, probably early elementary school (2nd grade or so). I don't remember the issue she was discussing, but I remember my response. Externally I nodded in agreement with her. It was instinct; I nodded and fixed my face in agreement without even thinking about it. But internally I was downright horrified to discover I did not feel the same way she felt. In fact, I felt entirely opposite about the issue. I was convinced it was wrong for me to not agree with her, so I kept my disagreement and my shame to myself.
I can only imagine what kind of family dynamics led to me having a shame-filled response to my honest opinion, but I am sure that is what set the stage for me to feel seriously uncomfortable with disagreeing my partner, my sibling, and any close friend or loved one.
queen_in_autumn said it is emotionally safer to feel guilty than to disapprove of your partner's behavior. I suspect I had learned by that tender age that when dealing with my mother it was physically safer as well, and I have carried that assumption into my adult relationships.
Awareness is the first step in growth.
I can only imagine what kind of family dynamics led to me having a shame-filled response to my honest opinion, but I am sure that is what set the stage for me to feel seriously uncomfortable with disagreeing my partner, my sibling, and any close friend or loved one.
queen_in_autumn said it is emotionally safer to feel guilty than to disapprove of your partner's behavior. I suspect I had learned by that tender age that when dealing with my mother it was physically safer as well, and I have carried that assumption into my adult relationships.
Awareness is the first step in growth.