(no subject)
I feel blank and numb and yet I cry a minimum of once a day.
Why do we distance ourselves from the people we love?
Is it the possibility of getting hurt?
A trust and bond so deep that if broken would shatter our exsistance...
Or is it deeper?
"Sometimes you have to leave home to find it"
Or find out everything you needed was at home and with the people you love...
I feel as though nothing I do is ever good enough.
I feel as though I have failed... failed in life, failed everyone I know... a failure to my parents.
I feel as though this was a mistake and now they don't want me back and all I want is to go back.
I feel helpless, hopeless, numb...
Some days I walk to work and hope to get hit by a car so I won't have to live the rest of the day. Or wake up but not open my eyes in fear that I might cry.
I have lost so much this year and I think its all pilling up and finaly starting to sink in.
Jazz is gone, Noushka is gone... Uncle Dave is gone. I no longer consider Adrienne my sister. I moved away, had to leave my friends behind, my kitten, my mom, my sister Nicole and my unborn nephew.
I learned alot this year. Learn that no matter how much you think you know someone, you don't. Learned that life is fleeting. Learned never to trust again. Just when you think someone is better and has gotten their life back together, they disapoint you at a time where it is most important.
I never use to regret. No appologies, No regrets. But now I regret ever leaving, regretting every breath I take. Sorry for leaving. Sorry for everything. And now I don't know what to do.
My mom doesn't want me back, my family all agrees. And now my dad is moving back and my mom doesn't want me. I'm usualy there on her side, helping her cope...
Whose here helping me cope?
I can't do it anymore.
I've been breaking for a long time and now I think I'm completely broken.
Why do we distance ourselves from the people we love?
Is it the possibility of getting hurt?
A trust and bond so deep that if broken would shatter our exsistance...
Or is it deeper?
"Sometimes you have to leave home to find it"
Or find out everything you needed was at home and with the people you love...
I feel as though nothing I do is ever good enough.
I feel as though I have failed... failed in life, failed everyone I know... a failure to my parents.
I feel as though this was a mistake and now they don't want me back and all I want is to go back.
I feel helpless, hopeless, numb...
Some days I walk to work and hope to get hit by a car so I won't have to live the rest of the day. Or wake up but not open my eyes in fear that I might cry.
I have lost so much this year and I think its all pilling up and finaly starting to sink in.
Jazz is gone, Noushka is gone... Uncle Dave is gone. I no longer consider Adrienne my sister. I moved away, had to leave my friends behind, my kitten, my mom, my sister Nicole and my unborn nephew.
I learned alot this year. Learn that no matter how much you think you know someone, you don't. Learned that life is fleeting. Learned never to trust again. Just when you think someone is better and has gotten their life back together, they disapoint you at a time where it is most important.
I never use to regret. No appologies, No regrets. But now I regret ever leaving, regretting every breath I take. Sorry for leaving. Sorry for everything. And now I don't know what to do.
My mom doesn't want me back, my family all agrees. And now my dad is moving back and my mom doesn't want me. I'm usualy there on her side, helping her cope...
Whose here helping me cope?
I can't do it anymore.
I've been breaking for a long time and now I think I'm completely broken.