Sep 25, 2007 16:04
After many weekends spent flirting too much with Matt, he asked me to hang out...just him. We went to a movie (Shoot 'Em Up- it was awesome) and then hung out at my apartment until the wee hours of the morning. He finally kissed me around 3:00 am and we made out until 6:30 when he left so I could get some sleep before class. I aksed him why it took him so long to kiss me, he said he was intimidated. It was adorable banter which continued into text message form the rest of the day.
It was the first time since high school that my first kiss with a guy was a sober kiss. My first kiss with Bud was when we were sober. My first kiss with Matt R. was when we were sober. My first kiss with John was when we were sober...that was all in high school.
My first kiss with Dan was at a party. My first kiss with Joe was at a party. My first kiss with Page was at a party. All the other guys I kissed, it was the result of drinking.
I just loved the fact that there was a nervous tension and someone had to get enough courage to do it. We even held hands before kissing. How cute. It's like I'm finally doing things in a healthy manner.
Then, of course Dan calls and says he misses me and just wants to hold me and be with me. He says that he can't stop thinking about me. He says that when he said we'll never be right for each other, he isn't sure if he meant that.
I told him to stop doing this to me. I told him that the best thing for me is to just tell me there is no chance so we can both get on with our lives. I told him that in the perfect world him and i would be together, but this is the real world and all I want is to stop getting hurt by him.
I mean, that's manipulaton, right? He's afraid of losing me that even though he can't stand being with me, he doesn't want this option to close on him.
Well, I think I can be happy with other guys. I think I will be able to love someone else someday. Who knows? Maybe Matt is my introduction to mature relationships. Maybe a sober kiss is a step in the right direction.