V posted again...
...and since I can't answer at her place, I'll answer here:
I've said repeatedly that I have my own problems with the concept "cisgendered" too. It is, as you say, rather sloppy, and it IS difficult to tell where the cutoff is supposed to be. I've said myself before that many people who aren't transgendered don't feel comfortable with their gender role either. I've even said I suspect that's where some of the wildly out of proportion radical feminist vitriol aimed at "transgender politics" comes from. For that reason I too am uneasy about quite who counts as "cisgender."
If that's so, why do I believe that "cis privilege" isn't an empty concept? I believe that because I think there are things that transgendered and especially transsexual people face that are orders of magnitude worse than the kind of shit a woman gets for not being girly enough.
I believe that because of the constant stream of murders of trans women.
I believe that because although it's medically accepted that the only way to help transsexual people with the crushing depression many of them feel is to allow them to transition, insurance companies won't pay.
I believe that because we live in a society that tries to force people into being comfortable with bodies that feel alien to them. Do you feel wrong in your skin, wrong for having breasts and a vagina? Or do you just feel wrong in the dresses patriarchy wants you to buy?
I believe that because someone saying "you're not performing 'woman' right" is not the same thing as saying "you're an it." I could be wrong, but I doubt even the people who think you're bad for not being feminine call you "it."
I believe that because women who aren't feminine aren't referred to by the wrong names and pronouns by reporters, even reporters whose own style guides specifically say not to do this. I believe that because women who aren't feminine enough aren't going to be called "he" by the press even after they are violently murdered.
It's no skin off my back to say "I defy gender norms like whoa, but I have not faced the same bullshit as trans women or trans men." It doesn't do me harm. It doesn't draw attention away from the fight for disability rights, or the fight against poverty, or the fight against racism. Why is this so terribly important to you? Why can't you offer, say, Lisa the same courtesy you offer me when you acknowledge that you were wrong about me?
Why is that so damn hard? I don't understand, V. I don't understand this obsession you have with trans women and how you feel they misrepresent you. I don't understand why this is such a huge deal to you that you post about it constantly. Trans women (or trans men) are not my enemy. And I'm not just saying that because a few happen to be my friends.
I don't understand why proving that you've had it bad too is so much more important than listening to people who are far more likely to be attacked or even murdered over gender stuff than you are. I just... don't.
Your descriptions of your own life are vivid and interesting and occasionally heartbreaking, but they aren't going to change my mind. If I want to know people's life stories that have to do with gender variance so that I can figure out how to feel about it... I'm going to ask the people it all most directly affects first, and the people who never liked femininity much but still consider themselves women second. That is not negotiable for me.
I've said repeatedly that I have my own problems with the concept "cisgendered" too. It is, as you say, rather sloppy, and it IS difficult to tell where the cutoff is supposed to be. I've said myself before that many people who aren't transgendered don't feel comfortable with their gender role either. I've even said I suspect that's where some of the wildly out of proportion radical feminist vitriol aimed at "transgender politics" comes from. For that reason I too am uneasy about quite who counts as "cisgender."
If that's so, why do I believe that "cis privilege" isn't an empty concept? I believe that because I think there are things that transgendered and especially transsexual people face that are orders of magnitude worse than the kind of shit a woman gets for not being girly enough.
I believe that because of the constant stream of murders of trans women.
I believe that because although it's medically accepted that the only way to help transsexual people with the crushing depression many of them feel is to allow them to transition, insurance companies won't pay.
I believe that because we live in a society that tries to force people into being comfortable with bodies that feel alien to them. Do you feel wrong in your skin, wrong for having breasts and a vagina? Or do you just feel wrong in the dresses patriarchy wants you to buy?
I believe that because someone saying "you're not performing 'woman' right" is not the same thing as saying "you're an it." I could be wrong, but I doubt even the people who think you're bad for not being feminine call you "it."
I believe that because women who aren't feminine aren't referred to by the wrong names and pronouns by reporters, even reporters whose own style guides specifically say not to do this. I believe that because women who aren't feminine enough aren't going to be called "he" by the press even after they are violently murdered.
It's no skin off my back to say "I defy gender norms like whoa, but I have not faced the same bullshit as trans women or trans men." It doesn't do me harm. It doesn't draw attention away from the fight for disability rights, or the fight against poverty, or the fight against racism. Why is this so terribly important to you? Why can't you offer, say, Lisa the same courtesy you offer me when you acknowledge that you were wrong about me?
Why is that so damn hard? I don't understand, V. I don't understand this obsession you have with trans women and how you feel they misrepresent you. I don't understand why this is such a huge deal to you that you post about it constantly. Trans women (or trans men) are not my enemy. And I'm not just saying that because a few happen to be my friends.
I don't understand why proving that you've had it bad too is so much more important than listening to people who are far more likely to be attacked or even murdered over gender stuff than you are. I just... don't.
Your descriptions of your own life are vivid and interesting and occasionally heartbreaking, but they aren't going to change my mind. If I want to know people's life stories that have to do with gender variance so that I can figure out how to feel about it... I'm going to ask the people it all most directly affects first, and the people who never liked femininity much but still consider themselves women second. That is not negotiable for me.