I ain't saying she a...
It's interesting to me (and by "interesting" I mean "annoying") that people always fish for explanations when a young woman, or someone people perceive to be so, dates an older man. The big one is "gold digger," the next down is "looking for Daddy," the next I sometimes hear is "wanting to learn from someone more experienced."
I could shrug at people who said #3 was the case when I was dating
faustopheles. Although I'd say it's vastly more likely we were just plain buddies who fell into bed, part of the reason we were buddies was that he was a more experienced top I trusted and felt I could learn from. My casual mentor became my (first) lover, and I really did learn a lot from him, so it's not exactly inaccurate.
But I never really liked that -- the idea that I was somehow consciously choosing someone with whom things wouldn't "really" work out, so as to use him as some kind of knowledge object and dump him when I got confidence, moving on to hot young things. It just seemed so wrong and off for what we were, friends-turned-lovers. And totally didn't take into account that I was 21 at the time, and the tiny BDSM community I was part of didn't have a TNG at all. The "next generation" was, well, me.
And now that I'm dating Monkey and it's serious and our feelings for one another are real and serious, it makes me wince to see those gold-digger stereotypes, or "she wants her daddy" (dude, my father is my good buddy, but I'd just as soon pretend his penis fell off in 1984), or there's some weird "learning" going on. I'm an experienced top. We didn't get stamped when I went to the club yesterday because they know me (well, know us, but I've been in the Scene much longer), ergo I don't need a hand stamp.
Eh, I dunno. I know no one thinks I'm a gold digger (I wouldn't pick rocket scientists if I were, thanks; as cool as it might sound, we're both just poor overintellectual geeks from opposite sides of planet Bignerd.) And I just turned 29 myself a few days ago anyway, so it's not quite the same as it was. But it's still like nails on a blackboard to see it anyway. Or the whole it must be his midlife crisis whatevers. Nope, he's someone I watched bottom one day and liked what I saw so I hit on him.
I can't say why. I think maybe it's got to do with denying agency, with this idea that a younger person can't have power (and I'm not sure the idea is even that a younger person can't, but rather that a younger woman can't, unless she's a mercenary. Which, all right, if that's what everyone signed up for, but I didn't.) I think that niggles at me, because it doesn't allow for what I was looking for: a good bottom to play with and be friends until I found someone to get serious and do D/s with...
...and they just happened to collapse and surprise me, happily.
I guess the thing is that the official story, like most official stories, don't let people be people. Instead they make people into a weird thing. "Oh, you missed the obvious explanation for a hot chick with an old fart! HAHA." (On that note, can we retire that phrase? Farts smell bad. Older people know cool stuff about the universe and living in it.)
We'd get along better, methinks, if the "obvious explanations" for socially deviant behavior were just a little kinder.
I could shrug at people who said #3 was the case when I was dating
faustopheles. Although I'd say it's vastly more likely we were just plain buddies who fell into bed, part of the reason we were buddies was that he was a more experienced top I trusted and felt I could learn from. My casual mentor became my (first) lover, and I really did learn a lot from him, so it's not exactly inaccurate.
But I never really liked that -- the idea that I was somehow consciously choosing someone with whom things wouldn't "really" work out, so as to use him as some kind of knowledge object and dump him when I got confidence, moving on to hot young things. It just seemed so wrong and off for what we were, friends-turned-lovers. And totally didn't take into account that I was 21 at the time, and the tiny BDSM community I was part of didn't have a TNG at all. The "next generation" was, well, me.
And now that I'm dating Monkey and it's serious and our feelings for one another are real and serious, it makes me wince to see those gold-digger stereotypes, or "she wants her daddy" (dude, my father is my good buddy, but I'd just as soon pretend his penis fell off in 1984), or there's some weird "learning" going on. I'm an experienced top. We didn't get stamped when I went to the club yesterday because they know me (well, know us, but I've been in the Scene much longer), ergo I don't need a hand stamp.
Eh, I dunno. I know no one thinks I'm a gold digger (I wouldn't pick rocket scientists if I were, thanks; as cool as it might sound, we're both just poor overintellectual geeks from opposite sides of planet Bignerd.) And I just turned 29 myself a few days ago anyway, so it's not quite the same as it was. But it's still like nails on a blackboard to see it anyway. Or the whole it must be his midlife crisis whatevers. Nope, he's someone I watched bottom one day and liked what I saw so I hit on him.
I can't say why. I think maybe it's got to do with denying agency, with this idea that a younger person can't have power (and I'm not sure the idea is even that a younger person can't, but rather that a younger woman can't, unless she's a mercenary. Which, all right, if that's what everyone signed up for, but I didn't.) I think that niggles at me, because it doesn't allow for what I was looking for: a good bottom to play with and be friends until I found someone to get serious and do D/s with...
...and they just happened to collapse and surprise me, happily.
I guess the thing is that the official story, like most official stories, don't let people be people. Instead they make people into a weird thing. "Oh, you missed the obvious explanation for a hot chick with an old fart! HAHA." (On that note, can we retire that phrase? Farts smell bad. Older people know cool stuff about the universe and living in it.)
We'd get along better, methinks, if the "obvious explanations" for socially deviant behavior were just a little kinder.