The Purple Sex Goddess
It was a bright sunny day when I found the flyer. I don't remember how old I was. I would guess somewhere between 12 and 14. I was walking outside, and discarded on the sidewalk I found a piece of paper, I think damaged from previous rain.
I still remember the picture on the front of it: a naked woman in a fantasy art style. Thorns or leaves twined around her body, perhaps obscuring her nipples and perhaps not, I can't remember now. She was surrounded by purple patterns and light, and her expression was piercing and powerful. She looked straight ahead, her skin tinged purple, her eyes and lips a vivid green.
I don't remember her pose. Perhaps she was sitting cross legged, perhaps kneeling, but she radiated power. She held all the fury of a storm in her hair and eyes and woman's body. The thorny things clutching her body did not threaten her at all, and she was even stronger and more fearsome for bearing them. Whether that awakened my fetish for thorns, or whether it just brought to the fore something I hadn't yet noticed, I'm not sure. But I know I had the same strong response that I always have since.
I wondered if the people she sexually attracted would be at all safe with her staring back at them, those intense eyes burning with challenging desire. While she wasn't depicted dominating anyone or holding any SM accoutrements, and the only SM element in the image were the thorny things twining around her, it was the first real image of female dominance that I specifically recognized as sexual. My response was unmistakable and intense: I wanted so bad to be her that my skin hurt.
I felt immediately ashamed of having found it. I don't remember how long it took me to realize that was an ad for a strip club. I think I only found that out asking someone later, maybe even my parents. The gossip was that it must have belonged to the next-door neighbor, a rather unsavory and rebellious guy in his 20s, maybe.
I know the backside depicted a woman go-go dancing in a cage, and that totally shocked and unnerved me. I wondered who wanted to put women in cages, and why, and whether those people were a threat to me.
But I absolutely loved the picture on the front. The image radiated mystery, the thrill of the forbidden, and power. I kept putting it back down and picking it back up, feeling that I shouldn't look, that it had to do with sex clearly, and sex was inappropriate for someone my age, and vaguely creepy and threatening. But then the beauty of the image, the power in that intense face, would draw me to look again.
I eventually put it down, deciding I shouldn't look, exactly where I'd found it. I went back for it later, maybe the next day and maybe a few days later. I wanted to keep it and hide it, my secret totem of women's sexual power, an image that would give me strength by sympathetic magic. But it was gone by then, and I felt a pang of sorrow.
I still feel the same pang whenever I think about it. I'm sure I would treasure it if I had followed my instincts and kept it, and more than likely still own it today.
I still remember the picture on the front of it: a naked woman in a fantasy art style. Thorns or leaves twined around her body, perhaps obscuring her nipples and perhaps not, I can't remember now. She was surrounded by purple patterns and light, and her expression was piercing and powerful. She looked straight ahead, her skin tinged purple, her eyes and lips a vivid green.
I don't remember her pose. Perhaps she was sitting cross legged, perhaps kneeling, but she radiated power. She held all the fury of a storm in her hair and eyes and woman's body. The thorny things clutching her body did not threaten her at all, and she was even stronger and more fearsome for bearing them. Whether that awakened my fetish for thorns, or whether it just brought to the fore something I hadn't yet noticed, I'm not sure. But I know I had the same strong response that I always have since.
I wondered if the people she sexually attracted would be at all safe with her staring back at them, those intense eyes burning with challenging desire. While she wasn't depicted dominating anyone or holding any SM accoutrements, and the only SM element in the image were the thorny things twining around her, it was the first real image of female dominance that I specifically recognized as sexual. My response was unmistakable and intense: I wanted so bad to be her that my skin hurt.
I felt immediately ashamed of having found it. I don't remember how long it took me to realize that was an ad for a strip club. I think I only found that out asking someone later, maybe even my parents. The gossip was that it must have belonged to the next-door neighbor, a rather unsavory and rebellious guy in his 20s, maybe.
I know the backside depicted a woman go-go dancing in a cage, and that totally shocked and unnerved me. I wondered who wanted to put women in cages, and why, and whether those people were a threat to me.
But I absolutely loved the picture on the front. The image radiated mystery, the thrill of the forbidden, and power. I kept putting it back down and picking it back up, feeling that I shouldn't look, that it had to do with sex clearly, and sex was inappropriate for someone my age, and vaguely creepy and threatening. But then the beauty of the image, the power in that intense face, would draw me to look again.
I eventually put it down, deciding I shouldn't look, exactly where I'd found it. I went back for it later, maybe the next day and maybe a few days later. I wanted to keep it and hide it, my secret totem of women's sexual power, an image that would give me strength by sympathetic magic. But it was gone by then, and I felt a pang of sorrow.
I still feel the same pang whenever I think about it. I'm sure I would treasure it if I had followed my instincts and kept it, and more than likely still own it today.