This is fucking epic

[fierceawakening]

and I love it.

I'm not as fond of the song as I am of other songs of hers, but the concept? Goddamn.

Click to view

I have to say here how glad I am to have a fabulously kickass femme friend in my life to show me wonderful, wonderful stuff like this. HELL YES, WITH SPARKLES.

On that note I've been seeing rather a bit of nastiness aimed at feminine people lately,

Comments

[niyazi_a]

I suggest that my post was misrepresented to you. I have no problem with feminine women (or feminine men for that matter, but that opens up this idea of what 'feminine' really is and I don't want to go there). I have no beef with glitter pretty. If anything I have issues with shallow materialism that tries to tell women that ALL they are is their looks. Or worse, not even their looks but their wardrobe.

Lady Gaga is a perfect example: She controls the pretty. It does not control her. Compare her with...say...Diane. One of my students, a former stripper. The pretty controlled her, opening her up to exploitation and, in her case, abuse. At the age of 25, she's 'washed up' and has no future....in that line of work. Glitter is wonderful, but seeing only the surface can hide a lot of darkness.

[fierceawakening]

Okay uh... I didn't have access to your post, so I can't really talk about that unless I can respond directly to what people actually said. So.

What I can say is that I get tired of it when my friends have to prove, over and over, that they control their lives just so that someone won't disdain them for their lipstick or outfits or makeup or whatever it is.

I don't get why that kind of gatekeeping helps any women, including those women who (like you and me) are unfeminine and get flack for it.

[fierceawakening]

And I can't say how many strippers are "controlled by the pretty," as I don't know most of them. And the ones I do know are the ones who pretty much have their shit together, so I can't speak to those who don't. But I can say that I do really wonder whether it's the draw of the pretty that explains the situation of women who do have horrible experiences in sex work. My guess would be -- and this is a guess -- that those women are likely less intrigued by sparkly and more in need of money.

But I don't know, not being them.

[niyazi_a]

Of course it's for the money: I have students who dance for music videos or in non-strip clubs. For the money and what they think will lead to a full time career. The latter aim has never come true. They get the money, way less than they should be paid because they're not trained dancers and it's all under the table. And when next month's crop of girls comes up or they put on a few pounds...they discover that they didn't have that much power at all, when the callbacks stop coming

[fierceawakening]

I don't actually disagree with you about the malignancy of the youth culture, or even the malignancy of the emphasis on a particular conception of beauty. (I can't imagine anyone would think I WOULD disagree with any of that

[fierceawakening]

and of course I am okay with you saying everything's not fine with the roles society forces on us. FFS, I am a female, masculine top who likes feminine male bottoms and a whole lot of other lovely people besides. I grew up hearing that I was wrong, bad, a usurper, a threat, or maybe just a failure at every turn, damn it.

[niyazi_a]

Yes. I do have students who tell me that their entire purpose is to get married and be taken care of as a man. Absolutely. The first week of class when they write their 'in five years...' writing sample. I have them tell me that that's why they're in community college rather than real college, because it'd be a waste of money to go to a real college and just be a 'housewife' (their term, not mine). But they've been told they need some college, so...here they are in my class. I don't judge them for anything other than selling their brains a little short. I think they could do a LOT better than crappy comm coll, honestly. I don't judge their desire to have a family or to raise children. I do wish they'd give themselves a bit more of a chance, explore a bit more. Get out of the county at least once in their lives. Not grab the first guy who looks 'good enough.' If you must accuse me of being judgmental, that's where it lies: I wish they'd explore a bit more

[fierceawakening]

Your right to be frustrated is something I totally understand and support. I get some of the same flack for not having "found a man" from some parts of my family. I do "have a man" -- I just don't have what they'd recognize as a relationship they want to see me in, and that's not even counting the kinky shit. :-)

So yeah, I get that. I really do.

I just... I have a really twingey radar when it comes to these things. I know I spent all my life feeling like I was wrong, defective, not female enough because everything I wanted out of intimacy was "backwards," as the culture told it to me. I thought I'd find a home in feminism. Instead, I found people scared of my power fetish, people scared of my darker side, people scared of my questions about how and why gender mattered. It really made me disillusioned and angry.

That's not because I don't listen to wise old feminists, though. I just wish some people understood that my disillusionment means more than that.

I think you do, but that... presses buttons.