(no subject)
I think I'm just past the halfway point of the KIT program, and about a month and a week away from returning to the States. It is interesting how this trip has turned out so differently from how I initially thought it would --- drinking every night, learning lots of Japanese, never ever wanting to come back.
Japan is definitely the best country I have ever been in, but I don't want to stay here forever. At least, I don't feel completely fulfilled here. Day-to-day life is great. I love the food, the friendliness of people on the street, the availability of bikes, and so on. The language gap is a huge issue, though. I am deathly afraid of making mistakes when I talk with people. But I talk with the Japanese kids a lot on the instances when I am drunk, which encourages me to drink more, which is probably not so hot because I end up a depressed blob alone in my room at the end. I got hung over last time, but I did not wake up with a hangover today. A huge plus! We also drunk-dialed America last night, which was kind of hilarious. Nothing like surprising someone at work with the slurred messages of 5 Japanese kids and a few Americans.
I guess what is getting to me is the amount of time spent alone, thinking about things. And I have talked about this at length to people on-line, and have written about it extensively in my real-life journal. Sometimes this can be awesome, like when I listen to music and stare at birds out the window and feel incredibly at peace. But it can also be very disturbing when I realize who I miss, what I miss, and how I want my life to change when I return. And this sometimes makes me feel as though yes! I will be a much improved person by the time I graduate if I stick to my goals. But I've got to remain strong and self-committed, and not let bad feelings toward or from others keep me from being great.
So this is vague, I guess. The moral of the story is, don't drink a bunch of chu-hi and then listen to Broken Social Scene alone on a messily-made futon. I will get back to America eventually and don't be surprised if I am a little different.
Japan is definitely the best country I have ever been in, but I don't want to stay here forever. At least, I don't feel completely fulfilled here. Day-to-day life is great. I love the food, the friendliness of people on the street, the availability of bikes, and so on. The language gap is a huge issue, though. I am deathly afraid of making mistakes when I talk with people. But I talk with the Japanese kids a lot on the instances when I am drunk, which encourages me to drink more, which is probably not so hot because I end up a depressed blob alone in my room at the end. I got hung over last time, but I did not wake up with a hangover today. A huge plus! We also drunk-dialed America last night, which was kind of hilarious. Nothing like surprising someone at work with the slurred messages of 5 Japanese kids and a few Americans.
I guess what is getting to me is the amount of time spent alone, thinking about things. And I have talked about this at length to people on-line, and have written about it extensively in my real-life journal. Sometimes this can be awesome, like when I listen to music and stare at birds out the window and feel incredibly at peace. But it can also be very disturbing when I realize who I miss, what I miss, and how I want my life to change when I return. And this sometimes makes me feel as though yes! I will be a much improved person by the time I graduate if I stick to my goals. But I've got to remain strong and self-committed, and not let bad feelings toward or from others keep me from being great.
So this is vague, I guess. The moral of the story is, don't drink a bunch of chu-hi and then listen to Broken Social Scene alone on a messily-made futon. I will get back to America eventually and don't be surprised if I am a little different.