LOL, I say, LOL!
Oh god, what is it about Jacob's recaps that make a good show SO MUCH BETTER?! I had NO IDEA he was writing the True Blood recaps, and now I am Hooked. Seriously, I have pretty much done fuck-all at work this entire week but read these recaps and LOL in that Edna-Krabapple-HA!-type way.
From the first season:
Bill and Sookie are now wandering through a graveyard. I mean, jury's still out on Bill because he's not that interesting so far -- being mostly at this point a personality-free and imminently projectable floating romantic signifier, like any good sparkly-skinned vampire boyfriend -- and you know I love Sookie to death, but: queer much? "How did your Goth As Fuck date with vampire boyfriend go?" Oh, we wandered through a graveyard and talked about his long-dead relatives and then we went to his house and read Caitlín Kiernan stories to each other and we watched some flowers die and talked about permanence and evanescence and then we listened to some Evanescence and I painted a little curlicue under my eye and he gave me a silver ankh and then we listened to This Mortal Coil and I made little cuts on my leg and then we put "Trust" by the Cure on repeat like a hundred times and things were getting hot and heavy -- or I guess in this case lukewarm and heavy -- and finally I go "Fuck me like Lestat would" and he's all, "...Up the ass?"
*snort* That paragraph, and this one, just killed me, because he's SO RIGHT:
(From the second season) The ironically worst part, she notes with actual disgust, is how Eric will now always know A) where she is and B) how she feels. Um, first of all that's your power, so don't be a hypocrite. And second of all, you've never sucked on my chest and I know both of those things. A) Bill's house, masturbating on the front porch or lying in cold rat-shitty dirt next to a dead person, or on that couch where every single thing goes down. Or at Fangtasia! yelling at thousand-year-old killers until they want to slap you. Or at Merlotte's, shitting on Sam. That's all you ever do. Those are the only places you go. And B) Appalled.
Seriously, this has got me strongly contemplating going back and re-reading ALL of Jacob's DW recaps, except for I know for damn sure that would make me cry. A lot.
From the first season:
Bill and Sookie are now wandering through a graveyard. I mean, jury's still out on Bill because he's not that interesting so far -- being mostly at this point a personality-free and imminently projectable floating romantic signifier, like any good sparkly-skinned vampire boyfriend -- and you know I love Sookie to death, but: queer much? "How did your Goth As Fuck date with vampire boyfriend go?" Oh, we wandered through a graveyard and talked about his long-dead relatives and then we went to his house and read Caitlín Kiernan stories to each other and we watched some flowers die and talked about permanence and evanescence and then we listened to some Evanescence and I painted a little curlicue under my eye and he gave me a silver ankh and then we listened to This Mortal Coil and I made little cuts on my leg and then we put "Trust" by the Cure on repeat like a hundred times and things were getting hot and heavy -- or I guess in this case lukewarm and heavy -- and finally I go "Fuck me like Lestat would" and he's all, "...Up the ass?"
*snort* That paragraph, and this one, just killed me, because he's SO RIGHT:
(From the second season) The ironically worst part, she notes with actual disgust, is how Eric will now always know A) where she is and B) how she feels. Um, first of all that's your power, so don't be a hypocrite. And second of all, you've never sucked on my chest and I know both of those things. A) Bill's house, masturbating on the front porch or lying in cold rat-shitty dirt next to a dead person, or on that couch where every single thing goes down. Or at Fangtasia! yelling at thousand-year-old killers until they want to slap you. Or at Merlotte's, shitting on Sam. That's all you ever do. Those are the only places you go. And B) Appalled.
Seriously, this has got me strongly contemplating going back and re-reading ALL of Jacob's DW recaps, except for I know for damn sure that would make me cry. A lot.