Oubliette 6/9 (revised)
Chapter 6
It just so happened, Daniel wasn't home when they arrived at the penthouse that night. "He wasn't expecting us back so soon," said Hayden. "He could be anywhere."
"Try to call him," Tommy said, leading Adam into the bathroom so he could clean up. Adam fleetingly thought, Daniel doesn't have a cell phone Tommy got Adam's smudgy eyeliner off and peeled off his heavy leather jacket, then took him to Daniel's bedroom and found some clothing that was more comfortable. Adam still felt dazed, but he was glad to be in familiar surroundings. He dressed himself in a cotton tee and loose fitting jeans, then sat on the edge of the bed.
Tommy came over and Hayden and Monte were in the room, too. "I think we reached him," said Hayden. "I haven't done that in a long time, so I don't know if it worked."
"It's okay. We can wait if we have to. I don't see why he'd be gone long," Tommy quickly stated. Then to Adam, "Do you feel any better, man?"
Adam nodded. "A little. I feel weird, like I'm about to jump off a building."
"Just try to be calm," said Monte. "Daniel will be here soon, and we're not going anywhere. It's going to be okay."
Tommy sat down next to Adam. "Are you hungry?" He was showing him his wrist, moving some leather bracelets up his arm to get them out of the way.
Adam looked at the wrist and wanted it, but not while Hayden and Monte where watching. He preferred to feed in private and could use all the comfort he could get. Then, like Monte knew, he nodded Hayden out of the bedroom and shut the door.
"Tommy, I'm scared," Adam said, shakily, taking Tommy's arm in his hands and lifting it to his fangs.
Tommy immediately reached up with his other hand and began stroking the back of Adam's head. Adam drank, trying to feel better, and Tommy's blood and comfort was helping. When he pulled away, Tommy licked the wound to close it and laid Adam down on the bed.
"Just relax, man. Everything will be okay."
"Why did I forget everything, Tommy? What happened to me? I know I loved singing, so why did it have to end?" Adam felt like he would cry.
Tommy sat beside him, a hand carefully stroking Adam's head and arm for comfort. "I'm not the right one to tell you, Adam. Daniel's going to be here soon, don't worry. He'll do whatever you need." Adam fell asleep, and Tommy didn't move an inch.
***
Daniel gently told his children to exit the bedroom when he came home soon after Adam fell asleep. He went over and laid down, wrapping Adam in his arms and stirring him awake.
"Daniel," Adam whimpered.
"I'm here, Adam. It's alright, Dearest."
Adam let himself be held for the longest time and with the bedside lamp on next to them, it reminded him of the first time he woke up in Daniel's arms. He could tell somehow that the others were still there, but it was only him and his lover in the bedroom.
"Daniel, I think I'm starting to remember. I'm scared."
"I know you're scared, Adam," Daniel's voice was gentle as he rubbed Adam's back soothingly. "We fought it for as long as we could, but it was going to win eventually. I hope I made you as happy as I could before now, and I promise, Adam, you will be happy again. I will spend the rest of my existence making sure you are the most loved being in the world."
Adam already felt like that, but he just didn't want to do this. He didn't want to remember, even if it meant never singing again. He wished he could forget.
"What are we going to do?"
Daniel sighed. "I have to take you back. But I have to explain some things to you, too. Hopefully by the end of the night, you'll understand everything."
"Tonight?" Adam pulled up a little, getting tense and looking like he was ready to bolt. "W-why tonight? Can't we talk about this? Why so soon? I think we should-" Adam was panicking and tears were streaming down his face.
Daniel pulled him close. "Don't cry, my love. Shh, it's okay. Shhhh..." Then after a minute, Adam made himself calm, and Daniel said, "You are on the brink, Adam. If I let you fall off, then the memories that are coming will hit you so hard that I might not be able to pull you out again. However, if we tell you what's happening, then your descent will be slower, more gradual and less of a shock. I can't say they might not be just as painful. I wish I could. Just know that I'm not leaving you."
What Daniel suggested was petrifying to Adam, and he could only beg inwardly for it to be over. "I love you, Daniel! Please don't let me go!" he sobbed.
"I won't, Adam. I love you, too, but you'll have to try to be strong. You'll have to hold onto me with everything that you are, and I promise I won't lose you."
***
When Daniel said he had to take Adam back, he meant literally. After a bit told his children to be ready to leave. Adam protested, railing against the thought of advancing in this process, trying to find any excuse. But Daniel just argued every time.
"I don't want to leave our home!" Adam yelled though his tears.
"You want this home to be a reminder of the place you remembered it all? What if you never want to be here again?"
"I'll move!"
"I don't want you to move. This is the place I fell in love with you. I want its safety to hold fast when I bring you back and then you can begin your life once again."
Adam just glared as though he hated Daniel, but he was only frightened, and it was manifesting itself into anger. He wouldn't say anything else. He even took out the earrings Daniel bought for him and tossed them at a wall one at a time.
Realizing he wasn't going to sway him, Adam let himself be led down to the garage with an entourage of vampires circling him like a barrier. Even when they made it to Daniel's car, Monte made him sit between him and Tommy in the back. They're trying to keep me from running, Adam realized. His fear overcame his anger again, and he could only sit wide-eyed and shiver.
Daniel drove, and Hayden sat in the passenger seat. Adam kept his head down, not wanting to see his or Daniel's reflection in the rear view mirror. As they headed out onto the road, Daniel began to speak.
"Adam, I know you're angry and afraid right now, but you have to listen carefully to what I say. This is the easy part. I'm going to tell you some things you don't know, things that were once a part of you but were taken away. You may not feel any connection to these facts at first. It may feel like I'm telling you about someone else, but you'll have to hear about them, and then when you start to remember it will all connect for you. Do you understand?"
"No." Adam uttered defiantly, pouting.
"You will. Now, you were born on January 29, 1982..."
Adam listened and wondered how Daniel knew all these things about him. He gave the names of family members, Leila, Eber, Neil lambert, who were absolute strangers to him. He was raised in San Diego and loved Halloween and dress up, and there was a time when he and his mother opened up the conversation about Adam preferring boys to girls. Growing up, he played in a musical theater group on the weekends and took voice lessens, really starting to love the idea of being a singer. After dropping out of college, he got work in theater with bit parts and places in the chorus. He fell in and out of relationships and just felt like he was drifting.
Then in his late 20's he joined a band and started playing clubs, covering pop and classic rock songs and also a song that rang a bell in Adam's mind.
"'Mad World'…" he muttered, and suddenly remembered mechanically, "I closed with it every night." He could see Tommy staring at him out of the corner of his eyes. It was the damn song that started this whole mess.
Once Adam came to this point in his unknown biography, Daniel kind of stopped there and told Tommy to take over, to tell Adam what happened the night they found him.
Tommy seemed reluctant, but he took Adam's hand, and Adam looked down, not knowing which black nail was his and which were Tommy's. He listened as Tommy began.
"We were - that is, Hayden, Monte and I, were all together one night and decided to go for a drive. We crawled into Hayden's convertible and just hit the highway, like we are now. We got off at some point and made it to this wasteland of an area outside the city. Hayden was doing doughnuts in the ground, and we were all having a good time. Then later, we found this road and drove down it. We only wanted to feel the cool air and just not care where we were going."
Daniel got onto an exit ramp, slowing the car's speed. It felt to Adam like they were driving in slow motion after that. Tommy continued.
"Not too long after we got on the road - I don't know how fast we were going so I can't remember when it happened - we all sensed it at the same time. It was another vampire, and we knew it wasn't Daniel. We had to go check it out. This is Daniel's territory. He claimed it decades ago, and you don't just go into someone else's territory, not unless you want trouble.
"Maybe we shouldn't have gone by ourselves, because we didn't know who it could be or how old they were, but we went anyway, and we came to this really junky house."
They passed a rundown field where it looked like Woodstock after the concert was over.
"We knew the vamp was in there, and there was something else but we couldn't - I don't know, we couldn't identify what it was. We just figured we'd see about the vamp first, and if we couldn't get to the other thing, then it wouldn't matter.
"We could see the house was dark on the inside, but that didn't mean anything. The three of us thought we were real bad ass, thought we were gonna break in and tell this trespasser what's what. Then I started to get a bad feeling and I...well, I was afraid to go in. I just waited outside while Hayden and Monte broke open a window and crawled in. It wasn't until..."
"That's good, Tommy," Daniel interrupted. "You did just fine."
Tommy looked out of the window briefly and noticed they had pulled onto a road, long and straight and back-woodsy, hidden-like, and it looked like the last land mark in his story before they'd found Adam.
"This is the road, is it not?"
"Yes, Daniel," said Hayden. "We drove for maybe five miles. You'll see a driveway made of gravel on the right-hand side. That will take you to the house."
Adam began shaking again, and he knew they were getting close, but that only meant the real fear was getting close, too. Before he knew it, he buried his face in his hands and began crying, muttering unintelligible garble into his palms, but they all knew his meaning. They knew why he was afraid, even if he didn't.
Daniel slowed the speed of the car down again and asked Hayden to continue where Tommy left off. She waited while Adam finished a few last sobs. Tommy had pulled Adam toward him, letting his head rest on his shoulder. Monte was rubbing Adam's arm in comfort with a look of sad sympathy, and Hayden turned in her seat, reaching out and laying a hand on Adam's knee. Then she began.
"Actually, I was glad Tommy wanted to stay outside. I thought it would be a good idea for someone to be there, either as a lookout or to catch whoever if we chased the vampire out. As Tommy said, it was very dark. There was trash all over the place, like squatters had been staying there for a while. It looked like it should be abandoned.
"It all happened really fast, that's how I remember it. The vampire came out of no where , looking to rip our throats out with his teeth. But it was two on one and we managed to make sure he wasn't coming back no matter what.
"Tommy heard the commotion and yelled through the window we broke, asking if we were okay. I doubt he would have made it to us in time to help, anyway. That's how fast it went. We said everything was fine and he could stay outside if he wanted. Monte and I checked out the rest of the house.
"It all looked pretty rotten, but there was nothing interesting on the first floor or the upstairs. Now that the vampire was dead, we could still sense this other feeling and also - we smelled blood - but with all the other odors in the house, we couldn't tell what it was at first. Plus what we felt was so faint, we couldn't direct ourselves right to the source.
"I was ready to give up because I nearly fell through the steps on the way back down when I followed Monte, but he wanted to check the first floor one more time. He told me I could stay upstairs if I wanted as he opened the door to the basement steps-"
"We're here," Daniel said, pulling onto a gravel driveway that could almost be missed if it wasn't being looked for specifically.
Adam slammed his eyes shut and hid his face in Tommy's neck. Tommy tried to soothe him in vain. "It's okay, Adam. We won't let you get hurt, I promise."
Hayden was silent as they moved more slowly along the bumpy surface and after a minute of anticipation, Adam could feel them stop and the engine was cut off. He jumped and half screamed when it did. He wasn't opening his eyes for anything.
They sat forever, it felt like. No one spoke, the ticking engine cooled and outside was silent as death. Adam knew he must have been leaving bruises on Tommy where he held him, but he couldn't make his body be less tense. The fear of the unknown had too great a hold on Adam himself.
Someone opened a car door, and it sounded like Daniel was getting out. The ding-ding-ding from the key in the ignition cut into the silent night until he shut the door again. Hayden got out. Adam could sense the dome light above going on again and then he heard Tommy's door open.
Daniel touched Adam's hand that gripped Tommy about the arm. "Let go, Adam. I need to tell you more."
Adam sobbed. "I don't wa- I don't- I wanna go home!"
Tommy reached up and wiped a tear from his own face.
Daniel knelt down and leaned in close to Adam. "Take my hand instead, Adam. Give my children leave and let me hold you," he whispered. Adam labored to release Tommy from his grasp, and he held Daniel's hand while the vampire cleared the way so Tommy could quickly exit the car. When Daniel took his place and let Adam cling to him, Monte got out and let them be. Daniel shut his door, the dome light went out, and the two of them sat there in near darkness.
Daniel stroked Adam's hair and cheek and made calm, soothing sounds and endearments until Adam stopped shaking so much. His lover was exhausted and was softly begging him to take him home, that he didn't want to remember.
"You have to trust me, my love. This is the only way that you'll come out of this intact."
"No, please!" Adam hoarsely whined. "I'll do any- anything you want. Please get me out of here!"
Daniel must have been able to see that this was killing him, but he stayed determined. And then he said something that took a load of the pressure off of Adam. "You don't have to go inside the house. I won't make you."
Adam held Daniel tightly and let out something like a half cry, half laugh against Daniel's shoulder. Adam continued to feel those familiar arms around him in comfort.
Daniel sighed. "Now listen, my love. You may not like what I'm about to tell you, but it's something you have to know. The reason I knew all of those things about you was because I saw it in your mind when the others brought you to me. I knew every memory, every fact about you, and I held it all in my head. It's all a part of what I took from you when I witnessed the horror that ruined your old life. I had to know what happened to you. And when I did see it, I made a decision for you, that it was better for you to forget, and so that's what I did. I made you forget...everything."
For the first time, Adam opened his eyes but was careful when he raised up not to look at anything but Daniel's huge, blue eyes. "Y-you did that?"
Daniel began a guilt ridden answer when Adam cut him off, speaking hastily. "Can you do it again? Will you make me forget? Please?"
"I'm sorry, Adam. I can't do that." Daniel watched as Adam's expression turned from hopeful to hurt. "It took me three days to pack things away inside you and lock everything up in the back of your mind. I could feel you slipping away toward the end, and I had to work fast. If not for that, your memories of being a singer and the connection to certain songs from your past might not have slipped through. I was very careful to separate your general knowledge from personal, though I did leave things like your name. I thought you deserved to know at least that much. If I had taken any more time, I would have lost you forever. I've seen it before. I had to settle for a 'mental patch' of sorts, but I didn't know how long it would last. I knew from the beginning that this night might come."
Adam couldn't tell why he felt betrayed. He just did. "Why did you let me go this whole time - why didn't you tell me then? Maybe I wouldn't have-"
"If I'd told you anything, any specific detail, then the house of cards I'd built inside your mind would have crumbled instantly, and in the extremely fragile state you were in, you would have broken into a million pieces. It would have been better to kill you than let you live." Tears were welling in Daniel's eyes. He didn't seem to regret what he'd done, but he wasn't ignorant of the fact that this was hurting Adam, so it must have been hard for him to watch.
"I told you before, you needed time. That's why I kept things from you and swore my children to secrecy. And in the beginning, you were content not to ask. I sent you mental messages that you were unaware of, things that were only truth: you were safe, you could trust me - and you did. All I wanted was to make life as easy and simple and love filled as possible, and I did that.
"And whether you believe it or not, Adam, you are stronger now. Your memories wouldn't be coming back if you weren't. Your mind is tired of holding the patch on, and it wants to break free. It's ready to deal with what your memories have to show you. Please, trust me, Adam. If you don't let this happen now, then when the dam breaks on its own, you won't recover. I guarantee it."
Adam stared wearily, wishing he could give anything to get out of this. It was so unfair. He'd been happy, and he was afraid he'd never be happy again.
tbc
It just so happened, Daniel wasn't home when they arrived at the penthouse that night. "He wasn't expecting us back so soon," said Hayden. "He could be anywhere."
"Try to call him," Tommy said, leading Adam into the bathroom so he could clean up. Adam fleetingly thought, Daniel doesn't have a cell phone Tommy got Adam's smudgy eyeliner off and peeled off his heavy leather jacket, then took him to Daniel's bedroom and found some clothing that was more comfortable. Adam still felt dazed, but he was glad to be in familiar surroundings. He dressed himself in a cotton tee and loose fitting jeans, then sat on the edge of the bed.
Tommy came over and Hayden and Monte were in the room, too. "I think we reached him," said Hayden. "I haven't done that in a long time, so I don't know if it worked."
"It's okay. We can wait if we have to. I don't see why he'd be gone long," Tommy quickly stated. Then to Adam, "Do you feel any better, man?"
Adam nodded. "A little. I feel weird, like I'm about to jump off a building."
"Just try to be calm," said Monte. "Daniel will be here soon, and we're not going anywhere. It's going to be okay."
Tommy sat down next to Adam. "Are you hungry?" He was showing him his wrist, moving some leather bracelets up his arm to get them out of the way.
Adam looked at the wrist and wanted it, but not while Hayden and Monte where watching. He preferred to feed in private and could use all the comfort he could get. Then, like Monte knew, he nodded Hayden out of the bedroom and shut the door.
"Tommy, I'm scared," Adam said, shakily, taking Tommy's arm in his hands and lifting it to his fangs.
Tommy immediately reached up with his other hand and began stroking the back of Adam's head. Adam drank, trying to feel better, and Tommy's blood and comfort was helping. When he pulled away, Tommy licked the wound to close it and laid Adam down on the bed.
"Just relax, man. Everything will be okay."
"Why did I forget everything, Tommy? What happened to me? I know I loved singing, so why did it have to end?" Adam felt like he would cry.
Tommy sat beside him, a hand carefully stroking Adam's head and arm for comfort. "I'm not the right one to tell you, Adam. Daniel's going to be here soon, don't worry. He'll do whatever you need." Adam fell asleep, and Tommy didn't move an inch.
***
Daniel gently told his children to exit the bedroom when he came home soon after Adam fell asleep. He went over and laid down, wrapping Adam in his arms and stirring him awake.
"Daniel," Adam whimpered.
"I'm here, Adam. It's alright, Dearest."
Adam let himself be held for the longest time and with the bedside lamp on next to them, it reminded him of the first time he woke up in Daniel's arms. He could tell somehow that the others were still there, but it was only him and his lover in the bedroom.
"Daniel, I think I'm starting to remember. I'm scared."
"I know you're scared, Adam," Daniel's voice was gentle as he rubbed Adam's back soothingly. "We fought it for as long as we could, but it was going to win eventually. I hope I made you as happy as I could before now, and I promise, Adam, you will be happy again. I will spend the rest of my existence making sure you are the most loved being in the world."
Adam already felt like that, but he just didn't want to do this. He didn't want to remember, even if it meant never singing again. He wished he could forget.
"What are we going to do?"
Daniel sighed. "I have to take you back. But I have to explain some things to you, too. Hopefully by the end of the night, you'll understand everything."
"Tonight?" Adam pulled up a little, getting tense and looking like he was ready to bolt. "W-why tonight? Can't we talk about this? Why so soon? I think we should-" Adam was panicking and tears were streaming down his face.
Daniel pulled him close. "Don't cry, my love. Shh, it's okay. Shhhh..." Then after a minute, Adam made himself calm, and Daniel said, "You are on the brink, Adam. If I let you fall off, then the memories that are coming will hit you so hard that I might not be able to pull you out again. However, if we tell you what's happening, then your descent will be slower, more gradual and less of a shock. I can't say they might not be just as painful. I wish I could. Just know that I'm not leaving you."
What Daniel suggested was petrifying to Adam, and he could only beg inwardly for it to be over. "I love you, Daniel! Please don't let me go!" he sobbed.
"I won't, Adam. I love you, too, but you'll have to try to be strong. You'll have to hold onto me with everything that you are, and I promise I won't lose you."
***
When Daniel said he had to take Adam back, he meant literally. After a bit told his children to be ready to leave. Adam protested, railing against the thought of advancing in this process, trying to find any excuse. But Daniel just argued every time.
"I don't want to leave our home!" Adam yelled though his tears.
"You want this home to be a reminder of the place you remembered it all? What if you never want to be here again?"
"I'll move!"
"I don't want you to move. This is the place I fell in love with you. I want its safety to hold fast when I bring you back and then you can begin your life once again."
Adam just glared as though he hated Daniel, but he was only frightened, and it was manifesting itself into anger. He wouldn't say anything else. He even took out the earrings Daniel bought for him and tossed them at a wall one at a time.
Realizing he wasn't going to sway him, Adam let himself be led down to the garage with an entourage of vampires circling him like a barrier. Even when they made it to Daniel's car, Monte made him sit between him and Tommy in the back. They're trying to keep me from running, Adam realized. His fear overcame his anger again, and he could only sit wide-eyed and shiver.
Daniel drove, and Hayden sat in the passenger seat. Adam kept his head down, not wanting to see his or Daniel's reflection in the rear view mirror. As they headed out onto the road, Daniel began to speak.
"Adam, I know you're angry and afraid right now, but you have to listen carefully to what I say. This is the easy part. I'm going to tell you some things you don't know, things that were once a part of you but were taken away. You may not feel any connection to these facts at first. It may feel like I'm telling you about someone else, but you'll have to hear about them, and then when you start to remember it will all connect for you. Do you understand?"
"No." Adam uttered defiantly, pouting.
"You will. Now, you were born on January 29, 1982..."
Adam listened and wondered how Daniel knew all these things about him. He gave the names of family members, Leila, Eber, Neil lambert, who were absolute strangers to him. He was raised in San Diego and loved Halloween and dress up, and there was a time when he and his mother opened up the conversation about Adam preferring boys to girls. Growing up, he played in a musical theater group on the weekends and took voice lessens, really starting to love the idea of being a singer. After dropping out of college, he got work in theater with bit parts and places in the chorus. He fell in and out of relationships and just felt like he was drifting.
Then in his late 20's he joined a band and started playing clubs, covering pop and classic rock songs and also a song that rang a bell in Adam's mind.
"'Mad World'…" he muttered, and suddenly remembered mechanically, "I closed with it every night." He could see Tommy staring at him out of the corner of his eyes. It was the damn song that started this whole mess.
Once Adam came to this point in his unknown biography, Daniel kind of stopped there and told Tommy to take over, to tell Adam what happened the night they found him.
Tommy seemed reluctant, but he took Adam's hand, and Adam looked down, not knowing which black nail was his and which were Tommy's. He listened as Tommy began.
"We were - that is, Hayden, Monte and I, were all together one night and decided to go for a drive. We crawled into Hayden's convertible and just hit the highway, like we are now. We got off at some point and made it to this wasteland of an area outside the city. Hayden was doing doughnuts in the ground, and we were all having a good time. Then later, we found this road and drove down it. We only wanted to feel the cool air and just not care where we were going."
Daniel got onto an exit ramp, slowing the car's speed. It felt to Adam like they were driving in slow motion after that. Tommy continued.
"Not too long after we got on the road - I don't know how fast we were going so I can't remember when it happened - we all sensed it at the same time. It was another vampire, and we knew it wasn't Daniel. We had to go check it out. This is Daniel's territory. He claimed it decades ago, and you don't just go into someone else's territory, not unless you want trouble.
"Maybe we shouldn't have gone by ourselves, because we didn't know who it could be or how old they were, but we went anyway, and we came to this really junky house."
They passed a rundown field where it looked like Woodstock after the concert was over.
"We knew the vamp was in there, and there was something else but we couldn't - I don't know, we couldn't identify what it was. We just figured we'd see about the vamp first, and if we couldn't get to the other thing, then it wouldn't matter.
"We could see the house was dark on the inside, but that didn't mean anything. The three of us thought we were real bad ass, thought we were gonna break in and tell this trespasser what's what. Then I started to get a bad feeling and I...well, I was afraid to go in. I just waited outside while Hayden and Monte broke open a window and crawled in. It wasn't until..."
"That's good, Tommy," Daniel interrupted. "You did just fine."
Tommy looked out of the window briefly and noticed they had pulled onto a road, long and straight and back-woodsy, hidden-like, and it looked like the last land mark in his story before they'd found Adam.
"This is the road, is it not?"
"Yes, Daniel," said Hayden. "We drove for maybe five miles. You'll see a driveway made of gravel on the right-hand side. That will take you to the house."
Adam began shaking again, and he knew they were getting close, but that only meant the real fear was getting close, too. Before he knew it, he buried his face in his hands and began crying, muttering unintelligible garble into his palms, but they all knew his meaning. They knew why he was afraid, even if he didn't.
Daniel slowed the speed of the car down again and asked Hayden to continue where Tommy left off. She waited while Adam finished a few last sobs. Tommy had pulled Adam toward him, letting his head rest on his shoulder. Monte was rubbing Adam's arm in comfort with a look of sad sympathy, and Hayden turned in her seat, reaching out and laying a hand on Adam's knee. Then she began.
"Actually, I was glad Tommy wanted to stay outside. I thought it would be a good idea for someone to be there, either as a lookout or to catch whoever if we chased the vampire out. As Tommy said, it was very dark. There was trash all over the place, like squatters had been staying there for a while. It looked like it should be abandoned.
"It all happened really fast, that's how I remember it. The vampire came out of no where , looking to rip our throats out with his teeth. But it was two on one and we managed to make sure he wasn't coming back no matter what.
"Tommy heard the commotion and yelled through the window we broke, asking if we were okay. I doubt he would have made it to us in time to help, anyway. That's how fast it went. We said everything was fine and he could stay outside if he wanted. Monte and I checked out the rest of the house.
"It all looked pretty rotten, but there was nothing interesting on the first floor or the upstairs. Now that the vampire was dead, we could still sense this other feeling and also - we smelled blood - but with all the other odors in the house, we couldn't tell what it was at first. Plus what we felt was so faint, we couldn't direct ourselves right to the source.
"I was ready to give up because I nearly fell through the steps on the way back down when I followed Monte, but he wanted to check the first floor one more time. He told me I could stay upstairs if I wanted as he opened the door to the basement steps-"
"We're here," Daniel said, pulling onto a gravel driveway that could almost be missed if it wasn't being looked for specifically.
Adam slammed his eyes shut and hid his face in Tommy's neck. Tommy tried to soothe him in vain. "It's okay, Adam. We won't let you get hurt, I promise."
Hayden was silent as they moved more slowly along the bumpy surface and after a minute of anticipation, Adam could feel them stop and the engine was cut off. He jumped and half screamed when it did. He wasn't opening his eyes for anything.
They sat forever, it felt like. No one spoke, the ticking engine cooled and outside was silent as death. Adam knew he must have been leaving bruises on Tommy where he held him, but he couldn't make his body be less tense. The fear of the unknown had too great a hold on Adam himself.
Someone opened a car door, and it sounded like Daniel was getting out. The ding-ding-ding from the key in the ignition cut into the silent night until he shut the door again. Hayden got out. Adam could sense the dome light above going on again and then he heard Tommy's door open.
Daniel touched Adam's hand that gripped Tommy about the arm. "Let go, Adam. I need to tell you more."
Adam sobbed. "I don't wa- I don't- I wanna go home!"
Tommy reached up and wiped a tear from his own face.
Daniel knelt down and leaned in close to Adam. "Take my hand instead, Adam. Give my children leave and let me hold you," he whispered. Adam labored to release Tommy from his grasp, and he held Daniel's hand while the vampire cleared the way so Tommy could quickly exit the car. When Daniel took his place and let Adam cling to him, Monte got out and let them be. Daniel shut his door, the dome light went out, and the two of them sat there in near darkness.
Daniel stroked Adam's hair and cheek and made calm, soothing sounds and endearments until Adam stopped shaking so much. His lover was exhausted and was softly begging him to take him home, that he didn't want to remember.
"You have to trust me, my love. This is the only way that you'll come out of this intact."
"No, please!" Adam hoarsely whined. "I'll do any- anything you want. Please get me out of here!"
Daniel must have been able to see that this was killing him, but he stayed determined. And then he said something that took a load of the pressure off of Adam. "You don't have to go inside the house. I won't make you."
Adam held Daniel tightly and let out something like a half cry, half laugh against Daniel's shoulder. Adam continued to feel those familiar arms around him in comfort.
Daniel sighed. "Now listen, my love. You may not like what I'm about to tell you, but it's something you have to know. The reason I knew all of those things about you was because I saw it in your mind when the others brought you to me. I knew every memory, every fact about you, and I held it all in my head. It's all a part of what I took from you when I witnessed the horror that ruined your old life. I had to know what happened to you. And when I did see it, I made a decision for you, that it was better for you to forget, and so that's what I did. I made you forget...everything."
For the first time, Adam opened his eyes but was careful when he raised up not to look at anything but Daniel's huge, blue eyes. "Y-you did that?"
Daniel began a guilt ridden answer when Adam cut him off, speaking hastily. "Can you do it again? Will you make me forget? Please?"
"I'm sorry, Adam. I can't do that." Daniel watched as Adam's expression turned from hopeful to hurt. "It took me three days to pack things away inside you and lock everything up in the back of your mind. I could feel you slipping away toward the end, and I had to work fast. If not for that, your memories of being a singer and the connection to certain songs from your past might not have slipped through. I was very careful to separate your general knowledge from personal, though I did leave things like your name. I thought you deserved to know at least that much. If I had taken any more time, I would have lost you forever. I've seen it before. I had to settle for a 'mental patch' of sorts, but I didn't know how long it would last. I knew from the beginning that this night might come."
Adam couldn't tell why he felt betrayed. He just did. "Why did you let me go this whole time - why didn't you tell me then? Maybe I wouldn't have-"
"If I'd told you anything, any specific detail, then the house of cards I'd built inside your mind would have crumbled instantly, and in the extremely fragile state you were in, you would have broken into a million pieces. It would have been better to kill you than let you live." Tears were welling in Daniel's eyes. He didn't seem to regret what he'd done, but he wasn't ignorant of the fact that this was hurting Adam, so it must have been hard for him to watch.
"I told you before, you needed time. That's why I kept things from you and swore my children to secrecy. And in the beginning, you were content not to ask. I sent you mental messages that you were unaware of, things that were only truth: you were safe, you could trust me - and you did. All I wanted was to make life as easy and simple and love filled as possible, and I did that.
"And whether you believe it or not, Adam, you are stronger now. Your memories wouldn't be coming back if you weren't. Your mind is tired of holding the patch on, and it wants to break free. It's ready to deal with what your memories have to show you. Please, trust me, Adam. If you don't let this happen now, then when the dam breaks on its own, you won't recover. I guarantee it."
Adam stared wearily, wishing he could give anything to get out of this. It was so unfair. He'd been happy, and he was afraid he'd never be happy again.
tbc