On The Edge: Chapter 10
Title: On The Edge
Prompt: Cages
Medium: Fic
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Implied violence.
Summary: Kris and Katy were recently attacked while back home in Arkansas, having left Jesse and Kaleb in Adam's care. Everyone is now in the process of recovering and coming back together. (Set in the Love Speaks Though... universe.)
Kris felt caged, and he didn’t know what to do about it. All he could see were bars. On the side of the bed, keeping him in. Around his mind, keeping it captive, and forcing him to remember over and over, when he was conscious. He welcomed the sleep, because that was a relief. He didn’t have to think. And he didn’t want to have to think.
He didn’t want to answer questions or talk to cops and give descriptions of the people Kris had foolishly stopped to help. They hadn’t needed him, at least not for the reason he thought. They just wanted to hurt him and steal from him, and threaten his family.
Unwillingly, his mind went back to that dark roadside where so much had been taken. Lyrics made their way through his drugged mind, to a song he had never penned:
This broken roadside’s
Now my home -
I’m torn away
From everything
I’ve ever known.
So let me stay
In this dark place
And let my family
Never find me.
‘Cause I’m broken
Like the roadside
Lost in time and space
I’m alone.
Still I promise
To protect you
So, let me lie
And I’ll believe you…
It didn’t have a bridge, or a melody, but Kris could hear sad, mournful chords and a haunting strength behind the words. Because they were true. Because he genuinely felt like he had failed everyone.
How could he be a father now? How could he be a husband when everything that made him a man had been taken away, and Kris hadn’t had a say in any of it. It pissed him off, but Kris had no way to fight back. That’s what killed him. He had nothing left to give.
They had stolen it all.
Katy lay alone in a hospital room, after first begging the hospital staff, and then threatening to walk out if they didn’t let her see Kris. She knew they had told her what happened, where he was, where the boys were, and everything. She could sense it in the way they looked at her sadly as they explained, but Katy couldn’t seem to retain anything she was told right now.
“This place is like a prison,” she complained. “How can they keep a wife away from her husband! That’s gotta be illegal, right?” She looked at her mom hopefully.
“Honey, relax. You need to rest, and so does Kris. He’s here. I’ve seen him--”
“You’ve seen him? How fair is that?” Katy demanded, though her head and face ached from all the talking she was doing. “I need to see him! I need to know he’s all right!”
“You’ve got a concussion. You need to calm down and get some rest,” her mother repeated, admirably calm.
Katy faced the wall, feeling tears threaten, and not willing to be weak right now.
--
The railings on the deck felt like a big cage, but that’s just where Jesse was sure he belonged. He told Kris that he didn’t miss him, or love him while he was away in Arkansas and now Kris was hurt bad. Jesse was pretty sure it was all his fault.
Allison was still inside with Kaleb, and Adam was…well, wherever Adam was.
Jesse felt forgotten out here, but he felt like he deserved it. What kind of kid told a person who took care of them and didn’t even have to, something so mean? Jesse wouldn’t be surprised if Kris and Katy wanted to send him away right when they got home. They would keep Kaleb, because Kaleb was theirs and he was a nice boy, who knew how to behave and not make trouble for them.
He sat sadly, burying his face in his knees. Jesse guessed he should be ready whenever they did come back, and started thinking about what he would need to pack. Would they let him take anything, or would they send him back with nothing, the way his biological mom had?
All these questions were really making it hard to think. He should just run away now, but he couldn’t make himself do it. As much as he told himself it wasn’t true, he loved the people inside, and he loved Kris and Katy. So, he would go, sometime. But only if they made him.
--
--
Kris woke up with a start, his breathing shallow, as he took in the darkness of the room around him. It was night. He was sure of that, and it made him uneasy. He needed more pain medication or a sleeping pill or something. Because there was no way he was about to stay awake for hours, doing nothing but reliving all the stupid mistakes he made that led him to right now.
--
Allison stayed the night, preferring to be with Adam and the boys to being by herself, just thinking about all the horrible stuff that had been done to Kris and Katy.
She cooked for them, making enchiladas, and even though Jesse had never eaten one, he announced that it was the best thing he ate all day. She believed him, because she could tell when he lied about food, especially.
“My taco spicy,” Kaleb whined.
“You want a peanut-butter sandwich?” Allison asked, concerned. Kaleb was still skinny for two-and-a-half. She couldn’t have him not eating.
“No!” he exclaimed in a sudden show of temper, shoving his covered cup onto the floor.
Allison glanced at Adam, who was picking at his own enchilada and had yet to even glance up. That’s when Alli figured she was on her own.
“Well, are you done then? Because we don’t throw anything on the floor,” she warned quietly.
“My Daddy say yes!” Kaleb insisted, rebelliously.
“No, he doesn’t, Kaleb. Don’t lie!” Jesse cut in knowingly. “Kris never lets him do that,” he told Allison helpfully.
“I think it’s time to take a break,” Allison said, willing herself to be calm as she got a wiggling Kaleb out of the high chair.
“I wanna eat!” Kaleb shrieked, trying in vain to buck out of her arms. It was startling to Allison - the only show of Terrible Twos she had never seen from him.
She didn’t know how much good it would do to try and reason with him, but by the time she had taken him to his bedroom, he had completely melted down, bawling.
“I! Want! Mama! An’! Daddy!”
Allison tried to help, but Kaleb was completely unreasonable and wouldn’t be soothed. So she said she understood, and put him in his crib. Then she gave him a kiss, and left quietly, praying that he would fall asleep.
--
“I feel like that sometimes,” Jesse confided to Adam in the empty kitchen. “Like, just that crazy and bad, and nothing anybody says helps.”
He knelt down to pick up the cup Kaleb threw.
“I feel like that, too,” Adam said, his voice hoarse.
--
Sometimes, Adam didn’t remember how this all had become his life. When did he become a stay-at-home-dad to Kris and Katy’s kids, indefinitely? Where was his freedom? And why did he want it to begin with.
Though he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, this stretch of being in charge and doing paternal things was probably the most rewarding that Adam could recall. No job had ever given him so much joy. No paycheck had with it, such a sense of accomplishment.
But, damn, it was difficult. Especially now, with everything so uncertain. It had been days. Word was that Kris and Katy were due home at the end of the week. Allison had gone home, Jesse was in school during the day, and he and Kaleb had settled into a nice routine during the day.
Of course, he missed work. Wished like hell he could go back, in those moments when Jesse lost it, or Kaleb threw a fit, or there was poop everywhere in the crib, but Kaleb didn’t know how it got there. But Adam felt like he was doing something important. Something Kris had trusted him with, and he was going to keep his word.
--
Kris and Katy were reunited mid-week, but everything was different now.
Katy’s face was a mess of swelling and bruises. She dealt with headaches and lingering short-term memory issues, that the doctors said, should resolve in time.
Kris could barely move, and didn’t want to. Only when he started hearing nurses talk about letting Katy go home Friday did he change his tune a little. As insignificant as Kris had come to feel, and as poignant as the sense of loss was for him, he still had a need in him to get home to his kids. To be sure they were all right. He wasn’t about to be left behind.
He had given police descriptions of the men who attacked him, and Katy had as well. Thursday, before they left, Kris was told there had been an arrest. Police wanted to know if he was well enough to come down and look at a lineup. It was the last thing Kris wanted to do, but Katy would be going to. And he wanted to stay with her.
Separately, they went in to look at the line of men. Unfortunately, the only one they picked up was the guy Kris had termed Unremarkable, because of the lack of anything distinctly memorable about him.
It was true. If he was in the line, he looked like everyone else he stood with. Neither he nor Katy could make an ID, and the other two were still out there somewhere, walking free, while Kris felt wholly trapped.
--
Jesse bounded off the bus Friday afternoon and ran home from the bus stop. Adam said that Kris and Katy would be home today, and Jesse couldn’t wait to see him. Halfway home, though, he stopped and walked slower. Kris and Katy had been hurt. Maybe they looked different now. Maybe they wouldn’t want him anymore.
That last thought kept coming back to his mind as he walked slowly up the drive. He felt almost as nervous as he had the first night he got dropped off here, and almost knocked on the door to be let in, before he remembered it was open, and he wasn’t a guest.
He heard quiet voices in the living room and crept upstairs.
Kris and Katy were sitting by each other on the couch, not touching. Kaleb was in Katy’s lap, and Adam was sitting across from them. Kris looked really pale and had bruises all over him. Katy’s face had a big bruise on it, too. But their eyes were still the same. They still lit up when they saw Jesse.
“Hey,” Katy said warmly. “I missed you. Come here and give me a hug.”
So, Jesse did, but it felt kind of weird. Like there wasn’t as much of her anymore to hold onto.
He pulled away, then, and stood in front of Kris. He decided on the way home that he would do what a man does. He would own up to his mistakes and apologize. But he didn’t think he’d get all emotional about it.
Jesse had just never seen Kris like this. Sitting with his arms crossed, kind of stiffly.
Still, Jesse made himself do it. It was the right thing to do.
“I’m sorry,” he told Kris solemnly, looking him in the eyes, and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I said I didn’t love you and wouldn’t miss you. I didn’t mean it, I was just scared you wouldn’t come back.”
“It’s okay,” Kris said, and Jesse breathed a sigh of relief, because it was still his voice. “None of this is your fault. So, don’t blame yourself. I heard you’ve been a big help to Adam and Allison these last few days. Thank you for that. We’re really proud of you.”
Jesse looked at the floor, embarrassed. There was nothing for them to be proud of. He had done so many bad things. But they forgave them all, like nothing mattered, except being together.
--
Kris breathed a sigh of relief when he could see with his own eyes that Jesse and Kaleb were safe. He tried not to think of how Kaleb had cried seeing both of them and not recognizing him until he spoke. And, he was still racked with guilt that the men who attacked him still had his personal information, including his home address.
Would they come from Arkansas all the way out here?
He held Jesse’s hand tentatively, and thought about what would have to be done to keep them safe. Changing the locks. Maybe moving.
Kris closed his eyes, defeated.
Things weren’t any better now. He was just in a bigger cage.
Prompt: Cages
Medium: Fic
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Implied violence.
Summary: Kris and Katy were recently attacked while back home in Arkansas, having left Jesse and Kaleb in Adam's care. Everyone is now in the process of recovering and coming back together. (Set in the Love Speaks Though... universe.)
Kris felt caged, and he didn’t know what to do about it. All he could see were bars. On the side of the bed, keeping him in. Around his mind, keeping it captive, and forcing him to remember over and over, when he was conscious. He welcomed the sleep, because that was a relief. He didn’t have to think. And he didn’t want to have to think.
He didn’t want to answer questions or talk to cops and give descriptions of the people Kris had foolishly stopped to help. They hadn’t needed him, at least not for the reason he thought. They just wanted to hurt him and steal from him, and threaten his family.
Unwillingly, his mind went back to that dark roadside where so much had been taken. Lyrics made their way through his drugged mind, to a song he had never penned:
This broken roadside’s
Now my home -
I’m torn away
From everything
I’ve ever known.
So let me stay
In this dark place
And let my family
Never find me.
‘Cause I’m broken
Like the roadside
Lost in time and space
I’m alone.
Still I promise
To protect you
So, let me lie
And I’ll believe you…
It didn’t have a bridge, or a melody, but Kris could hear sad, mournful chords and a haunting strength behind the words. Because they were true. Because he genuinely felt like he had failed everyone.
How could he be a father now? How could he be a husband when everything that made him a man had been taken away, and Kris hadn’t had a say in any of it. It pissed him off, but Kris had no way to fight back. That’s what killed him. He had nothing left to give.
They had stolen it all.
Katy lay alone in a hospital room, after first begging the hospital staff, and then threatening to walk out if they didn’t let her see Kris. She knew they had told her what happened, where he was, where the boys were, and everything. She could sense it in the way they looked at her sadly as they explained, but Katy couldn’t seem to retain anything she was told right now.
“This place is like a prison,” she complained. “How can they keep a wife away from her husband! That’s gotta be illegal, right?” She looked at her mom hopefully.
“Honey, relax. You need to rest, and so does Kris. He’s here. I’ve seen him--”
“You’ve seen him? How fair is that?” Katy demanded, though her head and face ached from all the talking she was doing. “I need to see him! I need to know he’s all right!”
“You’ve got a concussion. You need to calm down and get some rest,” her mother repeated, admirably calm.
Katy faced the wall, feeling tears threaten, and not willing to be weak right now.
--
The railings on the deck felt like a big cage, but that’s just where Jesse was sure he belonged. He told Kris that he didn’t miss him, or love him while he was away in Arkansas and now Kris was hurt bad. Jesse was pretty sure it was all his fault.
Allison was still inside with Kaleb, and Adam was…well, wherever Adam was.
Jesse felt forgotten out here, but he felt like he deserved it. What kind of kid told a person who took care of them and didn’t even have to, something so mean? Jesse wouldn’t be surprised if Kris and Katy wanted to send him away right when they got home. They would keep Kaleb, because Kaleb was theirs and he was a nice boy, who knew how to behave and not make trouble for them.
He sat sadly, burying his face in his knees. Jesse guessed he should be ready whenever they did come back, and started thinking about what he would need to pack. Would they let him take anything, or would they send him back with nothing, the way his biological mom had?
All these questions were really making it hard to think. He should just run away now, but he couldn’t make himself do it. As much as he told himself it wasn’t true, he loved the people inside, and he loved Kris and Katy. So, he would go, sometime. But only if they made him.
--
--
Kris woke up with a start, his breathing shallow, as he took in the darkness of the room around him. It was night. He was sure of that, and it made him uneasy. He needed more pain medication or a sleeping pill or something. Because there was no way he was about to stay awake for hours, doing nothing but reliving all the stupid mistakes he made that led him to right now.
--
Allison stayed the night, preferring to be with Adam and the boys to being by herself, just thinking about all the horrible stuff that had been done to Kris and Katy.
She cooked for them, making enchiladas, and even though Jesse had never eaten one, he announced that it was the best thing he ate all day. She believed him, because she could tell when he lied about food, especially.
“My taco spicy,” Kaleb whined.
“You want a peanut-butter sandwich?” Allison asked, concerned. Kaleb was still skinny for two-and-a-half. She couldn’t have him not eating.
“No!” he exclaimed in a sudden show of temper, shoving his covered cup onto the floor.
Allison glanced at Adam, who was picking at his own enchilada and had yet to even glance up. That’s when Alli figured she was on her own.
“Well, are you done then? Because we don’t throw anything on the floor,” she warned quietly.
“My Daddy say yes!” Kaleb insisted, rebelliously.
“No, he doesn’t, Kaleb. Don’t lie!” Jesse cut in knowingly. “Kris never lets him do that,” he told Allison helpfully.
“I think it’s time to take a break,” Allison said, willing herself to be calm as she got a wiggling Kaleb out of the high chair.
“I wanna eat!” Kaleb shrieked, trying in vain to buck out of her arms. It was startling to Allison - the only show of Terrible Twos she had never seen from him.
She didn’t know how much good it would do to try and reason with him, but by the time she had taken him to his bedroom, he had completely melted down, bawling.
“I! Want! Mama! An’! Daddy!”
Allison tried to help, but Kaleb was completely unreasonable and wouldn’t be soothed. So she said she understood, and put him in his crib. Then she gave him a kiss, and left quietly, praying that he would fall asleep.
--
“I feel like that sometimes,” Jesse confided to Adam in the empty kitchen. “Like, just that crazy and bad, and nothing anybody says helps.”
He knelt down to pick up the cup Kaleb threw.
“I feel like that, too,” Adam said, his voice hoarse.
--
Sometimes, Adam didn’t remember how this all had become his life. When did he become a stay-at-home-dad to Kris and Katy’s kids, indefinitely? Where was his freedom? And why did he want it to begin with.
Though he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, this stretch of being in charge and doing paternal things was probably the most rewarding that Adam could recall. No job had ever given him so much joy. No paycheck had with it, such a sense of accomplishment.
But, damn, it was difficult. Especially now, with everything so uncertain. It had been days. Word was that Kris and Katy were due home at the end of the week. Allison had gone home, Jesse was in school during the day, and he and Kaleb had settled into a nice routine during the day.
Of course, he missed work. Wished like hell he could go back, in those moments when Jesse lost it, or Kaleb threw a fit, or there was poop everywhere in the crib, but Kaleb didn’t know how it got there. But Adam felt like he was doing something important. Something Kris had trusted him with, and he was going to keep his word.
--
Kris and Katy were reunited mid-week, but everything was different now.
Katy’s face was a mess of swelling and bruises. She dealt with headaches and lingering short-term memory issues, that the doctors said, should resolve in time.
Kris could barely move, and didn’t want to. Only when he started hearing nurses talk about letting Katy go home Friday did he change his tune a little. As insignificant as Kris had come to feel, and as poignant as the sense of loss was for him, he still had a need in him to get home to his kids. To be sure they were all right. He wasn’t about to be left behind.
He had given police descriptions of the men who attacked him, and Katy had as well. Thursday, before they left, Kris was told there had been an arrest. Police wanted to know if he was well enough to come down and look at a lineup. It was the last thing Kris wanted to do, but Katy would be going to. And he wanted to stay with her.
Separately, they went in to look at the line of men. Unfortunately, the only one they picked up was the guy Kris had termed Unremarkable, because of the lack of anything distinctly memorable about him.
It was true. If he was in the line, he looked like everyone else he stood with. Neither he nor Katy could make an ID, and the other two were still out there somewhere, walking free, while Kris felt wholly trapped.
--
Jesse bounded off the bus Friday afternoon and ran home from the bus stop. Adam said that Kris and Katy would be home today, and Jesse couldn’t wait to see him. Halfway home, though, he stopped and walked slower. Kris and Katy had been hurt. Maybe they looked different now. Maybe they wouldn’t want him anymore.
That last thought kept coming back to his mind as he walked slowly up the drive. He felt almost as nervous as he had the first night he got dropped off here, and almost knocked on the door to be let in, before he remembered it was open, and he wasn’t a guest.
He heard quiet voices in the living room and crept upstairs.
Kris and Katy were sitting by each other on the couch, not touching. Kaleb was in Katy’s lap, and Adam was sitting across from them. Kris looked really pale and had bruises all over him. Katy’s face had a big bruise on it, too. But their eyes were still the same. They still lit up when they saw Jesse.
“Hey,” Katy said warmly. “I missed you. Come here and give me a hug.”
So, Jesse did, but it felt kind of weird. Like there wasn’t as much of her anymore to hold onto.
He pulled away, then, and stood in front of Kris. He decided on the way home that he would do what a man does. He would own up to his mistakes and apologize. But he didn’t think he’d get all emotional about it.
Jesse had just never seen Kris like this. Sitting with his arms crossed, kind of stiffly.
Still, Jesse made himself do it. It was the right thing to do.
“I’m sorry,” he told Kris solemnly, looking him in the eyes, and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I said I didn’t love you and wouldn’t miss you. I didn’t mean it, I was just scared you wouldn’t come back.”
“It’s okay,” Kris said, and Jesse breathed a sigh of relief, because it was still his voice. “None of this is your fault. So, don’t blame yourself. I heard you’ve been a big help to Adam and Allison these last few days. Thank you for that. We’re really proud of you.”
Jesse looked at the floor, embarrassed. There was nothing for them to be proud of. He had done so many bad things. But they forgave them all, like nothing mattered, except being together.
--
Kris breathed a sigh of relief when he could see with his own eyes that Jesse and Kaleb were safe. He tried not to think of how Kaleb had cried seeing both of them and not recognizing him until he spoke. And, he was still racked with guilt that the men who attacked him still had his personal information, including his home address.
Would they come from Arkansas all the way out here?
He held Jesse’s hand tentatively, and thought about what would have to be done to keep them safe. Changing the locks. Maybe moving.
Kris closed his eyes, defeated.
Things weren’t any better now. He was just in a bigger cage.