Fade
Title: Fade
Prompt: Nervous Breakdown
Medium: Fic
Rating: PG
Warnings: Hospitalization
Summary: Katy can't handle three-month-old son, Kaleb's hospitalization, and Kris does his best to help her. (Set in the Love Speaks Through... universe.)
When Katy first saw Kaleb after trach surgery, he was badly swollen and hooked up to long, blue, flexible tubing. She felt like passing out.
This was not her son. It had to be a mistake.
"Hi, Kaleb. It's Daddy," Kris greeted softly. "You're gonna be okay, all right? The doctors came and told us what a good job you did and how brave you were."
As hard as Katy tried to make herself say something, she couldn't. And she couldn't bring herself to touch the baby in the tiny crib.
--
Kris had taken off work indefinitely to deal with Kaleb's latest health crisis. The label wasn't happy, but Kris didn't care. This was his family and family came first. Besides, they had more than they could probably handle with Allison there to keep them busy.
"Katy? Did you get the keys?" he called. They were on their way out, and Kris didn't see them anywhere. When he glanced out the window, though, there was his wife, sitting in the car, ready to go.
"Hey, sorry," he said, breathlessly, climbing in the passenger seat. It was then that he could see her white-knuckling the steering wheel, tears shining in her eyes.
"Hey," he said softly, turning her face to look at him. She didn't speak. She didn't need to. The fear was raw in her eyes, as they both remembered the last time there had been a rush to get to the car. To find the keys. To get to the hospital.
--
Anxiety climbed higher and higher inside her, while depression sat like a dark heaviness on her chest, suffocating her. Katy didn't know what was wrong, but she hadn't been able to bounce back from this. It was just getting worse.
She let Kris undo her seatbelt, and be gathered in his arms. He whispered gentle promises in her ear as he carried her to bed and laid her down. He covered her with a sheet, and brought her ginger ale, as if she were sick. As if she were pregnant.
If Katy had possessed more strength, she might have thrown the glass across the room. As it was, she pulled the blankets higher and burrowed beneath them.
When Kris slid in beside her, she let him. She let him hold her, and she loved him for not trying to reassure her that everything would be okay, but being with her, right where she was.
--
Kris was all for time and healing and all of that, but two weeks of Katy rarely leaving the bedroom, and sleeping huge chunks of time away were taking their toll on him. He visited Kaleb every day, encouraged by how well his airway was doing and how he was recovering. But when he tried to share these things with his wife, she barely listened.
People knew now. Close friends. Adam called every day, because he had a lot of time on his hands, only three months after their Costa Rica trip. His hand and neck were healing well, but he wasn't up to touring or long days in the studio yet. Allison was working her tail off, as usual, but had sent a few random things by mail. A surgical mask. A wind-up duck. He had no idea where she found things like that. Tyler had called a few times, to get updates and let Kris know she was praying.
The one person he hadn't called, was Joan. But that was about to change.
"Hey Joan? Will you talk to my wife? We're havin' a hard time with Kaleb in the hospital and all. He's been having respiratory problems. She really needs somebody to relate to."
There was a brief pause, and then Joan, in her familiar drawl, answered:
"I'll do you one better."
--
Kris hadn't known what Joan meant. For a woman who claimed not to understand cryptic remarks, she sure could make them. He was on his way to the door a couple hours later, prepared to go back to the hospital when there was a sharp knock.
He pulled the door open, and about fell over in shock.
"Joan?" he asked, incredulous, as the middle-aged woman he'd met on his trip to Costa Rica stood on his doorstep.
"Hi, Kris," she said, all her usual sarcasm and dry wit replaced with empathy and compassion as she drew him into her arms. "How's that baby doing?" she asked, with Kris still clasped against her.
"I'm on my way to check now. ...Uh...Katy's not exactly seeing anyone... I thought she might talk on the phone, but she's not in a place for company," Kris apologized.
"She'll see me. You go on now. I'll look after her," Joan promised.
And Kris knew that despite never having officially met Katy before, Joan would keep her word.
--
Katy hid herself deeper under the covers as a chair scraped the carpet near her bed. She didn't need to see anyone right now. She was so tired, and she hadn't showered in forever.
"I don't think we've met."
Surprised, Katy peeked out with one eye. This wasn't even anybody that she knew. How did she get in here?
"I'm Joan. I met your husband a few months ago, when we served in Costa Rica together. You must be Katy."
"I am, yes," Katy managed, trying to appear presentable, despite her horrible gray sweats and even worse state of mind. "I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood for company right now."
"Did Kris tell you I also had a preemie? My daughter, McKenna? She was with us on the trip, too," Joan said gently.
Katy shook her head. "I can't remember, I'm sorry. That was a crazy time."
"And, from the sounds of things, this is another," Joan commented, sympathetic.
"I don't know what it is," Katy managed, through sudden tears. "I was so strong when he was born. But now? It's ten times worse now, and I don't know why..."
"You thought it was behind you," Joan said knowingly. "You think, as his mom, you'll be able to protect him from everything. And trust me, all mothers want that. But, honey, we're not superheroes. We're just people, trusting in God and doing the best we can."
"He looks so bad," Katy sniffed.
"It's always worse the second time around," Joan said knowingly. "That was a traumatic thing you and Kris went through with him. Both when he was born and now. You need to take some time to deal with that. Maybe, you need to talk to someone. There's nothing shameful in that. But, Katy, you're the only mother Kaleb's got. He's here. He's getting better. And he needs his mom. You can't be there for him if you don't take care of yourself."
"Yes, ma'am," Katy answered, trying to compose herself.
"Can I give you a hug?"
Katy nodded, and when Joan's arms closed around her, she let herself fall apart.
--
Joan was, by no means, a fair weather friend. She stayed for close to a week, helping Katy get back on her feet. Helping both Katy and Kris line up counseling with their church, and accompanying Katy when she felt strong enough to visit Kaleb.
"He's right through here," Kris directed, "I told him you were coming and he's so excited. He looks so much better."
"He's three months old, Kris. How can he know I'm coming?" Katy quipped good-naturedly, squeezing Joan's hand nervously.
"Babies know their mother's voice," Joan reassured.
"It's been so long, though. What if he forgot me?" Katy worried, coming around the corner and into Kaleb's hospital room in the NICU. He wasn't the biggest, but definitely bigger than he had been the first time he stayed there.
"Mama's here," Kris told him, taking his son carefully into his arms and offering him to Katy.
"Kaleb, it's Mama..." Katy said, surprised when he turned his head toward her and smiled.
"Well, you're not a little guy anymore, are you?" Joan complimented. "Oh, he's gorgeous." she breathed.
And Katy knew in that moment, she was getting better, because while the tubes and trach didn't diminish, neither did they define him.
Prompt: Nervous Breakdown
Medium: Fic
Rating: PG
Warnings: Hospitalization
Summary: Katy can't handle three-month-old son, Kaleb's hospitalization, and Kris does his best to help her. (Set in the Love Speaks Through... universe.)
When Katy first saw Kaleb after trach surgery, he was badly swollen and hooked up to long, blue, flexible tubing. She felt like passing out.
This was not her son. It had to be a mistake.
"Hi, Kaleb. It's Daddy," Kris greeted softly. "You're gonna be okay, all right? The doctors came and told us what a good job you did and how brave you were."
As hard as Katy tried to make herself say something, she couldn't. And she couldn't bring herself to touch the baby in the tiny crib.
--
Kris had taken off work indefinitely to deal with Kaleb's latest health crisis. The label wasn't happy, but Kris didn't care. This was his family and family came first. Besides, they had more than they could probably handle with Allison there to keep them busy.
"Katy? Did you get the keys?" he called. They were on their way out, and Kris didn't see them anywhere. When he glanced out the window, though, there was his wife, sitting in the car, ready to go.
"Hey, sorry," he said, breathlessly, climbing in the passenger seat. It was then that he could see her white-knuckling the steering wheel, tears shining in her eyes.
"Hey," he said softly, turning her face to look at him. She didn't speak. She didn't need to. The fear was raw in her eyes, as they both remembered the last time there had been a rush to get to the car. To find the keys. To get to the hospital.
--
Anxiety climbed higher and higher inside her, while depression sat like a dark heaviness on her chest, suffocating her. Katy didn't know what was wrong, but she hadn't been able to bounce back from this. It was just getting worse.
She let Kris undo her seatbelt, and be gathered in his arms. He whispered gentle promises in her ear as he carried her to bed and laid her down. He covered her with a sheet, and brought her ginger ale, as if she were sick. As if she were pregnant.
If Katy had possessed more strength, she might have thrown the glass across the room. As it was, she pulled the blankets higher and burrowed beneath them.
When Kris slid in beside her, she let him. She let him hold her, and she loved him for not trying to reassure her that everything would be okay, but being with her, right where she was.
--
Kris was all for time and healing and all of that, but two weeks of Katy rarely leaving the bedroom, and sleeping huge chunks of time away were taking their toll on him. He visited Kaleb every day, encouraged by how well his airway was doing and how he was recovering. But when he tried to share these things with his wife, she barely listened.
People knew now. Close friends. Adam called every day, because he had a lot of time on his hands, only three months after their Costa Rica trip. His hand and neck were healing well, but he wasn't up to touring or long days in the studio yet. Allison was working her tail off, as usual, but had sent a few random things by mail. A surgical mask. A wind-up duck. He had no idea where she found things like that. Tyler had called a few times, to get updates and let Kris know she was praying.
The one person he hadn't called, was Joan. But that was about to change.
"Hey Joan? Will you talk to my wife? We're havin' a hard time with Kaleb in the hospital and all. He's been having respiratory problems. She really needs somebody to relate to."
There was a brief pause, and then Joan, in her familiar drawl, answered:
"I'll do you one better."
--
Kris hadn't known what Joan meant. For a woman who claimed not to understand cryptic remarks, she sure could make them. He was on his way to the door a couple hours later, prepared to go back to the hospital when there was a sharp knock.
He pulled the door open, and about fell over in shock.
"Joan?" he asked, incredulous, as the middle-aged woman he'd met on his trip to Costa Rica stood on his doorstep.
"Hi, Kris," she said, all her usual sarcasm and dry wit replaced with empathy and compassion as she drew him into her arms. "How's that baby doing?" she asked, with Kris still clasped against her.
"I'm on my way to check now. ...Uh...Katy's not exactly seeing anyone... I thought she might talk on the phone, but she's not in a place for company," Kris apologized.
"She'll see me. You go on now. I'll look after her," Joan promised.
And Kris knew that despite never having officially met Katy before, Joan would keep her word.
--
Katy hid herself deeper under the covers as a chair scraped the carpet near her bed. She didn't need to see anyone right now. She was so tired, and she hadn't showered in forever.
"I don't think we've met."
Surprised, Katy peeked out with one eye. This wasn't even anybody that she knew. How did she get in here?
"I'm Joan. I met your husband a few months ago, when we served in Costa Rica together. You must be Katy."
"I am, yes," Katy managed, trying to appear presentable, despite her horrible gray sweats and even worse state of mind. "I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood for company right now."
"Did Kris tell you I also had a preemie? My daughter, McKenna? She was with us on the trip, too," Joan said gently.
Katy shook her head. "I can't remember, I'm sorry. That was a crazy time."
"And, from the sounds of things, this is another," Joan commented, sympathetic.
"I don't know what it is," Katy managed, through sudden tears. "I was so strong when he was born. But now? It's ten times worse now, and I don't know why..."
"You thought it was behind you," Joan said knowingly. "You think, as his mom, you'll be able to protect him from everything. And trust me, all mothers want that. But, honey, we're not superheroes. We're just people, trusting in God and doing the best we can."
"He looks so bad," Katy sniffed.
"It's always worse the second time around," Joan said knowingly. "That was a traumatic thing you and Kris went through with him. Both when he was born and now. You need to take some time to deal with that. Maybe, you need to talk to someone. There's nothing shameful in that. But, Katy, you're the only mother Kaleb's got. He's here. He's getting better. And he needs his mom. You can't be there for him if you don't take care of yourself."
"Yes, ma'am," Katy answered, trying to compose herself.
"Can I give you a hug?"
Katy nodded, and when Joan's arms closed around her, she let herself fall apart.
--
Joan was, by no means, a fair weather friend. She stayed for close to a week, helping Katy get back on her feet. Helping both Katy and Kris line up counseling with their church, and accompanying Katy when she felt strong enough to visit Kaleb.
"He's right through here," Kris directed, "I told him you were coming and he's so excited. He looks so much better."
"He's three months old, Kris. How can he know I'm coming?" Katy quipped good-naturedly, squeezing Joan's hand nervously.
"Babies know their mother's voice," Joan reassured.
"It's been so long, though. What if he forgot me?" Katy worried, coming around the corner and into Kaleb's hospital room in the NICU. He wasn't the biggest, but definitely bigger than he had been the first time he stayed there.
"Mama's here," Kris told him, taking his son carefully into his arms and offering him to Katy.
"Kaleb, it's Mama..." Katy said, surprised when he turned his head toward her and smiled.
"Well, you're not a little guy anymore, are you?" Joan complimented. "Oh, he's gorgeous." she breathed.
And Katy knew in that moment, she was getting better, because while the tubes and trach didn't diminish, neither did they define him.