December: Chapter 9
"So, are you gonna make me a damn grilled cheese, or what?" Neil asked, trying to keep things light. Adam couldn't cook anything anyway, so Neil didn't know how all these therapists expected him to now, with all that brain shit going on in Adam's head.
Adam stayed quiet. He was standing in front of the refrigerator, studying the contents seriously.
If it were up to him, he would have made the cake. Then at least, he had a picture to go off of, not just a vague question like, "What do we need?" How should he know what they needed?
He didn't even like grilled cheese unless it had Monterrey Jack and American cheese, wheat bread, honey, and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. And his mom would have made it. Here, there was only Kraft slices that were tiny, disgusting white bread and a random stick of butter that had been cut into a bunch already.
Sighing, he reached for the cheese and the butter. It wasn't like he was going to eat this, anyway. He was giving it to Neil. He could burn the thing, and his brother would still eat it. Next, he made his way unsteadily toward a counter in the rehab kitchen where there was a bread box. Who kept a bread box anymore, anyway? He hadn't seen one since the early '90's.
Adam clutched the counter with his damaged left hand, checking constantly to be sure he was still hanging on, and building the sandwich with his good hand. He was never unaware of the fact that the stove was on, heating up the pan on one of the front burners.
"Okay, now set it in the pan,” the occupational therapist urged. Adam didn’t know her name, and didn’t bother trying to remember it. There were so many people helping him with different things now, it was impossible to keep them all straight. With some effort, he managed to transfer all of the sandwich from plate to pan without it falling apart.
Then he waited, relieved, for it to brown.
“Now, what do you need to do?” the voice at his side quizzed.
“I have no idea,” Adam answered, unashamed and exhausted.
“You gotta keep an eye on the time so you don’t burn my sandwich,” Neil put in helpfully.
Adam bit his tongue, so he wouldn’t tell Neil to watch the damn time himself and just let Adam know when the hell to flip the sandwich. He knew all this shit was up to him, even though he couldn’t remember the last time he’d made a grilled cheese sandwich. Anything he couldn’t stick in the microwave or in the oven, already cooked, was too much work. With Adam’s schedule, he didn’t have time to be Julia Childs in the kitchen.
“Okay, now, with one hand, you’re going to want to stabilize your pan, and with the other, use the spatula to flip the sandwich.”
Up until that moment, Adam hadn’t really thought of the balancing act it would be for this next part. Awkwardly, he picked up the spatula, still anchoring himself with his numb hand.
“You don’t want the pan to slide around. It might burn you.”
He didn’t want to fall on his ass with a hot pan either. Adam clenched his jaw. Uneasily, he risked letting go of the counter and swayed.
“Shit,” he gasped.
“I’m right here. You won’t fall. Just concentrate on what you need to do.”
Adam took a deep breath, and even though it felt like jumping off a cliff with no safety rope, because he didn’t trust this lady in the least, he let go, and tried to turn the sandwich. He glared when he saw that all his hard work had yielded a burned side, with cheese oozing out of the bread.
“It looks like ass,” Adam warned apologetically.
“Well, just your luck, I didn’t eat breakfast today. Saved room.” Neil rubbed his stomach, grateful to feel hungry at all after the horrendous stomach flu that kept him in bed or in the bathroom for the better part of three days. At least he hadn’t gotten Adam sick. That would have really sucked.
When Adam brought over the sandwich and dumped it on Neil’s plate unceremoniously, saying, “You really don’t have to eat that. The other side burned, too,” Neil ignored him, and bit into it with gusto.
“Mmm…So, I heard a rumor you guys make pizza here, too?”
Adam eyed his brother carefully. “So?” he asked.
But he had a feeling there would be pizza-making in the near future.
--
“So, can I go to the hospital, too?” Jesse asked, bouncing from one foot to the other. “It’s so boring here, and it’s snowing out so Kaleb can’t even go play. I’ll be really good. Promise,” he smiled endearingly at Katy.
“I pay inna snow! ‘Kay, Jesse?” Kaleb shrieked, bouncing up and down
“No, sir, you don’t play in the snow. It’s too cold out,” Katy reminded him gently.
“Daddy,” Kaleb pouted.
“What did Mama say?” Kris called from down the hall, pulling a shirt over his head.
“Mama say yes!” Kaleb called excitedly.
Jesse stood by, interested to see what Kris and Katy would do now, but more interested in whether or not he would be allowed to go to the hospital to visit Adam. He had something bad happen to him, but he was still okay. Jesse couldn’t wait to tell him all the stuff he got for Christmas. He was going to bring it all to the hospital if Kris and Katy let him.
“No, Mama said no…” Kris pointed out seriously. “Who really said yes?”
“I do,” Kaleb pouted. “Wanna go out, Daddy.”
“Can I go to the hospital with you?” Jesse begged. “I really promise to be really, really, really good.”
Kris and Katy exchanged looks. As far as they knew, kids weren’t allowed to visit regular hospitals, but they didn’t really know about a rehab hospital. And Kris had heard a rumor from Neil that Adam would be making pizza. That could either be a disaster, or something safe that the boys could enjoy doing with Adam.
He would talk to Katy. Then he would talk to Adam's family, to see if they would mind extra visitors.
--
The last people Adam expected to see during the free-time activity, making the pizza that Neil had to have and would not shut up about were Jesse and Kaleb. He loved those little boys, and hadn't seen them in so long, but he tried not to be nervous about the way they would react to him. He was already glad to have been wearing a hat.
He could see Kris with Kaleb and Katy with Jesse, talking to them seriously. Adam tried to imagine what they were saying, but it took too much work, and he gave up.
--
"Adam?" Kaleb asked quietly.
"Right, we're gonna see Adam. That was a good indoor voice," Kris complimented. "We need to be sure and always use our indoor voices here, okay?"
"Yes," Kaleb nodded seriously.
Beside them, Katy had knelt down to talk quietly to Jesse.
"Now, it's very important that if you have any questions, you come to me or Kris and ask them quietly. Some of these people look different than you're used to, but that's okay. They're all like Adam, trying to get better after something happened to their heads."
"Do they all got the same thing Adam does?" Jesse asked, concern darkening his blue eyes. He twirled a cornrow around his finger nervously. He had never been in a hospital before to cook. Only to get better after he got hurt at his house with his biological parents.
"Not exactly the same," Katy allowed. "I want you to be polite, okay. Treat these people the way you would want to be treated."
"I know," Jesse nodded solemnly. "I was in the hospital lots of times."
Katy gave him a hug, because he seemed to need one, and walked with him over to the table where Adam, Leila, Neil, Kris and Kaleb were sitting. Putting major amounts of ingredients on a huge pizza.
"Hi, Adam," Katy said, leaning in and giving him a hug. She prayed that Jesse could keep it together, but she also never let herself forget that he was only 8 years old.
"Hey, Adam," Jesse echoed, leaning in just like Katy had and wrapping his arms around Adam real gently, because usually in the hospital, it hurt to get a hug.
"Hey, guys," Adam greeted, smiling. "I'm really glad you came to help with this pizza," he told Jesse. "My brother over there," Adam nodded toward Neil. "He's so hungry, he wanted the biggest pizza ever."
"We can help," Jesse offered, trying to remember to keep his voice down. "I'm very good at cooking now."
Adam glanced across the table at Kris who was holding a whispered conversation with Kaleb.
"What are you putting on next?" Kris would whisper in Kaleb's ear, in an effort to really drive home the concept that there is absolutely no yelling in the hospital.
"Cheeeese," Kaleb would whisper back, like he was posing for a picture, his face splitting into an adorable grin.
"Hurry up, dude, I'm starved," Neil complained.
"Would you shut up?" Adam shot back. "I made you a damn grilled cheese sandwich this morning. I'm not your damn maid."
But Adam was grateful that Neil was there. He needed some normalcy now, just like he did at every other time. He still couldn't count money, or read reliably, or write without it looking ridiculously childish. Adam needed to know that at least, he and his brother could still bicker. That even if Adam couldn't kick Neil's ass they could still trade insults.
Jesse poked Adam gently, a wicked grin on his face. "You cursed," he pointed out gleefully.
"Yeah, I did," Adam grinned back. "It's one of the perks of being an adult," Adam told him.
Leaning in close, to help spread cheese, Jesse confided. "My mom and dad don't curse, though." Then, he raised his chin, nodding toward Katy and Kris.
Adam's breath caught. As far as he knew, Jesse hadn't yet referred to Kris or Katy as Mom or Dad. "Nope, they don't," Adam managed, smiling at him. "So, maybe you won't either, huh?"
Jesse wrinkled his nose, still speaking in a quiet voice. "No, I think I still might. Just when I grow up, though. 'Cause it already kinda rubbed off on me from before."
Adam laughed easily, surprising himself. Laughing wasn't anything he had done a lot of since he'd been a patient here, but Jesse had a way of bringing it out of him.
--
The pizza was made and eaten faster than Adam wanted it to be, because before he knew it Kris, Katy and the boys were on their way out. Kaleb was asleep in Katy's arms and Jesse was hanging around Neil, trying to convince him to do the trick where he pulled a quarter out of someone's ear.
"See ya, Adam. Sorry we didn't get much chance to talk, but I'll be back around soon, and you can always call," Kris told him.
"Yeah, thanks. Hey... Has Jesse ever called you guys Mom and Dad?" Adam asked curiously.
Kris raised his eyebrows, shaking his head. "No. He's called Katy 'Mama Katy' once or twice. But other than that, no. Why?"
"Because," Adam told him.
Kris studied his friend, well-aware of just how pale he was. How he was growing strawberry blonde hair around the scar on his head, while the rest was still dyed black. But for the first time, his eyes were alive with something. For the first time, Adam seemed excited.
"He told me today that his mom and dad don't curse."
Kris's breath caught. "That's really cool," he managed, through his shock. He had waited for the day when Jesse would call him Dad, or Daddy like Kaleb. It was even better than he thought it would be.
Instead of thanking him, Kris grinned. "Stop talking to my son about cursing," he said easily, before turning to walk away.
At his back he heard Adam laughing, and was grateful that Adam was able to finally start feeling normal. Even just a little at a time.