December: Chapter 5
It hadn’t taken Kris long to get used to the new schedule. The one that revolved around being there for Adam 24/7. No one had asked it of him, but Kris understood that this was where he needed to be.
Between Katy and his parents, Jesse and Kaleb were being looked after, and that was always Kris’s number one priority. But Adam was a close second, to both him and Katy.
The second day visiting ICU was the first time Kris actually got to be there during the day. He wore comfortable clothes - a sweatshirt and jeans - and was startled to really register Adam’s hospital gown, which was made of thin blue material with little designs.
“Hey,” he greeted, easily falling into the hospital routine and environment.
The head of Adam’s bed was raised, as if he had a little bit more energy today.
“Kris, did you see Neil?” Adam asked.
“Not today yet,” Kris answered, pulling up a chair, and grimacing inwardly at the horrible scar that was fully visible to him for the first time. It started a few inches from Adam’s temple, and extended over the top and behind Adam’s left ear. It was one of the longest scars Kris had ever seen, vivid red, held together with too many staples to count in one glance. They looked like silver teeth, and Kris was sure the wound hurt. The area around it was shaved completely clean.
“When you see him, tell him to get his ass in here. I need to talk to him,” Adam insisted grumpily.
“I can help,” Kris offered.
Adam shook his head. He couldn’t concentrate on anything today, not with his dad, determinedly trying to teach his damaged side what cold felt like, by holding Adam’s paralyzed hand against his own face, which was reddened by wind and snow.
“Dad, it has no idea what you’re doing,” Adam said, an edge of contemptuousness in his voice. “It’s like, broken. Sleeping,” he ventured, trying in vain to explain the futility of his dad’s actions.
“Just give it time, okay? Be patient. Maybe it’ll click in,” Eber encouraged, ever the optimist.
“Don’t touch it. You’re freaking it out,” Adam pressed, trying and failing to pull away.
“All right, I’ll leave you alone, for now. Kris, you want anything to eat?”
“No, thanks, I’m good.”
“All right, well I’ll be back. Just hit the button if you need something,” he reminded, making Adam want to roll his eyes. He would have, but sitting up made him dizzy. He found that out earlier today when they had him sitting in a hideous 70’s yellow vinyl chair.
Some speech therapist had come in to see if he could still say certain sounds on command, and make shapes with his mouth. He didn’t know which was worse, the feeling of total foolishness he had saying stupid consonants on request, or being so dizzy that the room felt like it was moving.
In the end, the dizziness had won, and Adam had vomited down the front of his gown.
That was the end of speech therapy.
“If you see Neil,” Adam told Kris seriously. “Tell him he needs to pay dad back. And that he’s in charge of shopping this year…” he shuddered. “What the hell am I gonna do, Kris? What’s everybody saying about this?” Adam wondered, his mind wandering again, back to the missed concert.
“You need to quit worrying, okay? Relax. Rest. That’s your job. Trust that everybody else is doing theirs, okay? Did you see anybody yet today? Alisan, Tyler?”
“Joan was here yesterday, I think. Sometime. Tyler came in this morning. Nice to see her. I haven’t seen Alisan yet, or um…“ Adam let the sentence hang. “She still overseas?”
“She should be getting in today,” Kris assured him. She was almost done anyway for the holidays so she just finished up and now she’s detouring here to see you.”
“Mmm… So, what’s going on with you guys?” Adam pressed. He was so out of touch with everything. He hated feeling like he was missing out on life.
Leaning back in the chair, Kris told Adam stories of what was going on at home. That Jesse and Kaleb were excited for Christmas. That Katy wanted to dress Kaleb up as an elf, and Jesse as a reindeer for the family Christmas card, but Kris had said no way.
“What were you two gonna be?” Adam asked, a slight smile on his face as his eyes drifted closed.
“Santa and Mrs. Claus…” Kris confided, blushing.
“Oh, my God… I get one, right?” Adam asked hopefully.
“Of course, you get one. We took a normal one. It turned out good.”
“That’s good,” Adam answered, his breathing growing deep and even as he fell asleep again.
Because Kris had nowhere to be, he sat there and watched Adam sleep.
--
Katy had taken over sitting with Adam, sending Kris home to be with their boys. Jesse and Kaleb needed him, and Jesse especially needed to see that Kris was still around. He had been gone much longer than expected, and anything that either of them away for too long made Jesse nervous. Plus, Katy knew it wasn’t good for either one of them to get too wrapped up in sitting with Adam.
Not that she didn’t love him. Katy loved him fiercely, counting him as one of her closest friends. But Adam had his family here with him, and they were who was really important. Especially since he was still in ICU. But Leila had been great about allowing Katy and Kris to spend time with Adam.
She had spent time talking his ear off about all kinds of things. The cookies she planned on baking. That Kaleb had made her a picture with purple scribbles and told her it was “Mama and Daddy and Jesse and Kaleb and Adam.”
“So, I guess you’re one of us now,” she said, smiling.
“Thought I was always…you know…family,” Adam objected lightly.
“According to me and Kris, of course. But now our kids even see it,” Katy explained, laughing.
“Awesome,” Adam responded softly.
Katy watched his blue eyes search the darkened room intently.
“What are you looking for?” she asked gently, following his line of sight to the empty doorway.
“Mom,” he confided in a whisper. “My tongue feels funny…and my mouth…”
On instinct Katy reached for the call button beside Adam’s bed, with the intention to get a nurse in there and explain his symptoms before she went in search of Leila. It was only a hunch, but Katy suspected that anything involving Adam’s mouth feeling weird required some kind of intervention.
Luckily, Leila was on her way down the hall to Adam’s room, and arrived before the nurse did.
“Adam? What’s wrong, babe?” Leila asked, walking quickly to his bedside and touching his hair gently.
Katy backed off as Leila stepped in to try and determine what was wrong. In seconds a nurse was there as well. It was quickly determined that Adam was experiencing an allergic reaction to the morphine he was being given for pain, and was switched to another drug.
--
It was late when Allison crept into ICU. She had gotten this far easily enough. Adam’s parents had told her to come by and visit whenever she could. That Adam would love to see her.
She found Adam’s room with no trouble. It was the one with the guard in the hall, making sure no crazies got in. She wasn’t sure what the need for that was, since no one knew what the real deal with Adam was outside the hospital. But then again, Allison had just spent a month touring South America for her newest album.
Silently, she slipped inside, amused at the sight of Adam’s dad, snoring in a chair beside his hospital bed. Allison hadn’t actually risked a look at Adam yet. She was a little scared to. What if his head was shaved and scarred? What if he didn’t remember her? Allison didn’t know much about brains, but she knew they were responsible for pretty important stuff, and if Adam’s brain went all crazy, maybe he was different now.
“Hey, honey,” a voice too deep to be Adam’s greeted her.
“Hey,” she whispered back, smiling at Adam’s dad who was up now, offering her his chair. “He’s doing pretty good. You know, he asked for you almost first thing when he was out of surgery? We’ve been telling him you’re on the way. Can you stay, so he gets a chance to see you when he wakes up, or do you have to run?”
“I’m here ‘til somebody kicks me out,” she promised, finally stealing a glance at her friend.
It was too dark to really see anything, but there were tubes and monitors beeping. But he looked okay. She thought it was pretty incredible that Adam could think to ask for her after coming out of surgery like that. It made her even more glad that she had come as soon as possible.
“What are you two talking about?” Adam wondered sleepily. Ever since his pain medication got switched to something that didn’t make his tongue swell up, he felt better. And he was used to being awakened at all hours by nurses taking his temperature and blood pressure and stuff. He couldn’t be mad about the fact that she had finally gotten here. He had missed the hell out of her.
“Hey, look who’s here,” his dad encouraged, leading Allison up to the bedside.
“Hey, girl. It’s about time you showed up,” he said, smiling. He reached his good hand out to grasp hers.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she managed thickly, emotion closing her throat. “I was so scared.”
“Don’t be scared,” Adam told her easily. “I’m okay.”
But Adam knew, even as he spoke the words, that they were a lie. He wanted to tell her to definitely be scared. That he was scared. And he wasn’t okay. His body wouldn’t cooperate with the simplest command, and though he could remember her name in his mind, he was nowhere close to being able to say it out loud, because she went by so many names. He was afraid that if he said the only one that had come to him -hermana, the Spanish word for sister - she would know the truth.
That even though Adam had tried and tried, he couldn’t say her name.