December: Chapter 4
Adam felt tired and fuzzy. His left side was completely paralyzed - his arm and leg lay useless on the bed beside him. Through whatever had transpired since his brain went crazy and he needed surgery, Adam’s face had also become a casualty to the ever-spreading numbness. The left half was without sensation, and a lot more difficult to move.
What happened to him the night before was hard to comprehend, but the fact that half his body suddenly wouldn't cooperate with his intentions that scared Adam beyond anything else. It was terrifying to have half of his own body heavy and unresponsive because of something he couldn't control. Even in his drugged state, Adam knew he was left-handed. How would he write? Feed himself? Dress himself? Walk? Thinking about all the things he could potentially lose was frightening and exhausting. More often than not, he would end up falling into a fitful sleep.
But even sleeping had become a chore, because Adam couldn’t move into a comfortable position. When he did fall asleep, he’d have dreams he could move, and wake up, realizing that he couldn’t. The realization was jarring every time. It made him want to break down, which he didn't have the energy to do, or throw something, which he couldn't do even if he wanted to. Adam was devastated, but the truth was, he didn't have time to be. Right now he was too tired.
His family was close by, which was good. He seemed to remember Kris coming to visit earlier, and that was good. It was dark, and that was good, too. One thing that wasn’t good? The strange rodent creature that had somehow made its way into Adam’s bed.
--
Joan made herself comfortable, temporarily taking over the chair that Leila had occupied, sitting at Adam’s bedside. Most of the time, she watched him sleep, and tried to keep him comfortable, by making out vague one-word requests.
“Tape,” had sent her on a search for adhesive, when what he really wanted was to listen to music. She figured it out soon enough, and managed to remedy that with Neil’s help, locating Adam’s I-Pod and the playlist labeled “Chill”.
From what Joan could see, Adam had a strong family. Leila and Eber were constantly present at Adam’s bedside, and even when they left to get something to eat, Neil remained, calling his brother Ugly, not as an insult but a tender nickname.
“What do you need, Ugly?” Neil asked, leaning forward as Adam grimaced, clearly uncomfortable with something.
“Can somebody get the squirrel out of my bed?” Adam asked, his voice sounding thick and irritable.
“Hey, I like harassing you as much as the next guy,” Neil said gently, “But I draw the line at squirrels…” He sent a confused look to Joan, who stepped in easily, as if she did it all the time.
“Joan?” Adam asked, sounding pitiful.
“Of course, honey. No wonder you can’t sleep. No one could sleep with a squirrel in their bed. Let me see if I can get it,” she offered in a hushed voice and searched Adam’s hospital issue blankets until she found the culprit. A brown, ragged bunny.
“Got it,” Joan told him. “Is that better?”
“Mm-hm…”
When Adam asked for tape this time, Joan and Neil both understood, and Neil set up Adam’s I-Pod in Neil’s I-Home that he brought especially to share with his brother. When it became evident that even right after head surgery, Adam couldn’t go five minutes without music.
Neil played the songs softly - this was ICU after all - and watched gratefully as Adam drifted off to sleep.
--
Kris was camped out in the waiting room. He had started eating again, now that things seemed okay, and so far today, he was subsisting on Cheetos and grape soda out of the vending machines standing against one wall. Joan had gone in to be with Adam and Neil, while Leila and Eber took a break.
Joan had promised that Kris could be the next in line, and sure enough, she came out minutes later, graciously allowing Kris to visit.
“Just don’t mention the concert, or his blood-pressure spikes,” Joan advised. “He thinks management and fans are upset with him because he couldn’t go on.”
Kris nodded, wishing he had gotten Mountain Dew instead. He needed a jolt of caffeine right about now.
Quietly, he slipped into the dimly lit room aware of Enya playing quietly on Neil’s I-Home. Kris dared to look at his friend in the bed.
Adam either looked better, or Kris was getting used to him looking like crap, though he definitely wasn’t going to be thrilled with the haircut when he was made aware of it. As he slept, Adam was making small, unfortunate sounds that made Kris feel really bad for him. When he woke, groggy, Kris tried to help.
“Hey. Are you okay? Do you hurt?” he asked, determined to do something to make it better.
“Can’t move,” Adam complained, sounding exhausted.
“That’s okay. Don’t worry about it,” Kris said, trying to put Adam at ease.
“Is everybody pissed?” Adam asked softly, blinking in the near-darkness.
“Nope. Everything’s cool. They understand,” Kris said. Actually, he didn’t know if management was okay with it or not, but Kris figured they had better be. This was a medical emergency, and an unforeseen one, at that. No one could really fault Adam for that, could they?
“You missed the concert, though,” Adam objected weakly. “And all those fans…”
“I’m a fan, too,” Kris teased light-heartedly, though it felt weird and wrong.
He wasn’t used to being fake with Adam, and Adam, even in his changed condition, could tell. Adam stared at him, trying for a threatening look, but only came away with a pathetic attempt at it.
“What? I am,” Kris insisted softly. “And as your fan, I can tell you with an insider’s knowledge, that they don’t care about the concert. They’ll just be glad you’re all right. One of these years I’m gonna have to give in and take Jesse and Kaleb to one of your shows. Jesse was already begging to go last night,” Kris went on, trying to change the subject, without making it seem obvious.
“Aw, how are the boys? How’s Katy?” Adam slurred, his eyes drifting closed.
“They’re fine. They love you, of course. Katy’s praying for you, and so am I. Everything’s all right, and no one’s mad at you. Get some rest, okay? I’ll be right here,” Kris promised.
He sat in the dark, on Adam’s bad side, because that’s where he insisted on lying, holding his hand - the one that wasn’t numb and paralyzed, to assure his friend that he was there. This hand had scars on it, from burns he had sustained in Costa Rica rescuing a little boy. Kris stroked a thumb over them gently.
“Kris?” Leila spoke up from the doorway a few minutes later. “Come out here? I need to talk to you.”
--
Nervously, Kris made his way to the hall, wishing that Katy were still here, but someone had to be there for Jesse and Kaleb. Jesse was almost on Christmas break, too. What the heck would Kris and Katy do with both little boys for two weeks, when Adam needed family and friends around him?
Leila had walked with him into a small and empty conference-type room, closing the door behind her. He didn’t ask how she managed to procure it for private use. Kris knew Leila had her ways.
“Adam’s dad and brother and I all just spoke with his neurosurgeon,” Leila said seriously, lines of stress showing around her mouth.
“And?” Kris prompted.
“He was very honest with us, so I’m going to be very honest with you. Adam could be in the hospital for as long as six months. His left side is totally paralyzed, with no sensation. No function. His burns from earlier are to his right hand, so that already has limited performance. The neurosurgeon thinks he might regain use of his leg, but not his arm. They won’t know the extent of any cognitive damage until they can do some tests. He came really close to not being here.”
“I know,” Kris swallowed. “So, what now?”
“For now, I just wanted you to know what the family’s dealing with,” Leila said honestly, squeezing Kris’s hand.
Kris nodded gratefully, knowing that Adam’s family considered Kris, as well as his wife, kids, parents and brother, their family as well. Kris knew that his own family felt the same.
“Thanks for letting me know,” Kris nodded, forcing a smile.
“You’re welcome, honey,” Leila said, pulling Kris in for a hug. “And you know what I always say. Doctors don’t know everything. Adam might surprise them.”
Kris nodded silently, willing the lump in his throat to go away.
What she said was true, after all. Doctors didn’t know everything. He had a two-and-a-half year old son and a wife alive and well as proof.
He was ready for Adam to prove everyone wrong, by beating the odds again. It was just that the odds seemed stacked against Adam so high that Kris wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure if Adam could do this. If he would come out stronger, or if this would be his new reality.