how I have been this week
I am suffering...ok that might be strong so maybe struggling...since I know it will only get worse from here. But I am anxious and overwhelmed and stressed very much lately...for obvious reasons. But all this anxiety makes me not feel good and makes me only want to lay down to feel better..but I cant get comfortable and I cant rest cause my mind wont shut off...racing thoughts..sometimes about the most asinine things..that another part of my mind tells me is dumb...but it wont stop. I cant sleep soundly...I take forever to fall sleep and when I do I have messed up dreams that wake me up and make me more anxious and panicky...
despite me posting here..I feel I am internalizing a lot of things...I dont want to..I dont think I would but I dont know how else to explain the feeling...I am not ok.
my work gave us all forced time off this past week for obon. They do that every year...we have to use our vacation time. I spent it running errands and driving everywhere...it was exhausting..all I wanna do is rest but I cant. This huge overwhelming feeling that I need to rest combined with this feeling that I MUST get everything done..is freaking me out...
I want to spend all the time I can with my dad...but the idea of driving out there the 2 something hours one way...starts to make me anxious. but then I get mad at my self because I know I will hate myself and say later ...you could of driving only 2 hours to have this much more time with him... of course I do it...but I think how awful I am for worrying about the drive...and what it does to me...I am so up and down..and everything feels complex...
despite me posting here..I feel I am internalizing a lot of things...I dont want to..I dont think I would but I dont know how else to explain the feeling...I am not ok.
my work gave us all forced time off this past week for obon. They do that every year...we have to use our vacation time. I spent it running errands and driving everywhere...it was exhausting..all I wanna do is rest but I cant. This huge overwhelming feeling that I need to rest combined with this feeling that I MUST get everything done..is freaking me out...
I want to spend all the time I can with my dad...but the idea of driving out there the 2 something hours one way...starts to make me anxious. but then I get mad at my self because I know I will hate myself and say later ...you could of driving only 2 hours to have this much more time with him... of course I do it...but I think how awful I am for worrying about the drive...and what it does to me...I am so up and down..and everything feels complex...