THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES - SEVENTH ISSUE!
RORY SPEAKS:
So, today is Valentine's Day. I hope everyone is planning on having a lovely time with their other half - those of you that are so lucky. Me, I'm spending it with a good book and my dog. (And that's not a complaint.)
That said, everyone always harps on how commercial this "holiday" is, but why is it so rare for people to touch on the most basic history of the day?
The first sign of Valentine's Day or anything of that ilk was the fertility festival of Lupercalia, which fell between mid-January and mid-February on the ancient Athenian calendar. Priests of this particular sect would travel to the cave where the female wolf reared Romulus and Remus, and sacrifice an animal or three. Good times!
And of course, let's not forget St. Valentine himself, who was named Valentinus and could have been any one of three men:
- a priest in Rome
- a bishop of Interamna (modern Terni)
- a martyr in the Roman province of Africa.
Pope Gelasius I (492-496) abolished Lupercalia in 496 and declared that the feast of St. Valentine would be on February 14, in spite of apparently not knowing much about the man except that he died a bloody death. Again, I say 'good times.'
So, on behalf of the staff of the Hightimes, I wish you and your loved ones a happy and death-free Valentine's Day!
STUCO REPORT
by Peter Parker
Hello and welcome back to the column that takes you inside the exciting world of student politics. In honor of last weekend's Game Night, I would do this all in charades, but we don't have the space for ASCII art.
The big news is this week's Valentine's Day Dance. In case you haven't had enough of Valentine's Day today, you can relive the joy and wonder on Friday. If that doesn't sound like fun to you, the theme is nuclear holocaust. That may help.
Also, we have continued to stock the common rooms with food.
That's about it for this week. Big events make my life easier.
CHUCK NOBLET
by Angela Chase
American History teacher Chuck Noblet joins Fandom from Flatpoint High School, where he taught science and crEative writing. He says the transition has been easy; while Flatpoint doesn't have shadow attacks or sudden pie, the school "wasn't without its share of oddities. We had Spanish Driver's Ed (worth two credits), and Advanced Gym." Chuck grinned. "We were the only school in the state to have a unit on bulls. Bull riding, running with the bulls ..." No students were gored, but tragedy did strike the school when it was burned down after the district decided to turn it into a strip mall. That lead to Noblet's decision to come to Fandom.
When Noblet is not teaching, he likes to jog, read, listen to '80s rock, or try new recipes. He' a realist about advice for students: "I'd tell them to work hard and study every day, but I think every teacher knows that no student is going to do that. So, they ought to keep off the drugs, try to pass their classes, and keep out of some teachers' private business."
May the squirrels of Fandom see that as a warning.
WATER SAFETY IN FEBRUARY: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
by Peter Parker
As school board member and professional lifeguard Mitch Buchannon reminded me last week, just because we're positioned in the middle of an island in February doesn't mean that we should be any less vigilant when it comes to water safety. After all, approximately sixty percent of our bodies are made of water. Really, you could drown yourself if some of that water goes into the wrong place.
Because of that, everyone should be sure to follow these tips during this winter season:
-Always wear sunblock. White snow reflects light, giving greater opporunity to burn you. Alternately you could make the snow yellow and be arrested for public indecency. Don't let this happen. Wear sunscreen.
-Just because you're currently a safe distance from the ocean doesn't mean that you're safe. Snow is nothing but water that is waiting in a solid state to kill us all. If it tries very hard, it can become ice and it can assure kill us that much more easily, either by slipping and cracking your head open or impalement. Be wary.
-If we go through a warm spell, we could get rain. It only takes a couple inches of water to drown a person. Think of how easy it would be to collect those couple inches when water is falling out of the sky. When it's raining, always keep your moth closed and your head tilted forward so you don't accidentally swallow too much.
-Remember, sharks live in water. Snow is water. Sharks live in snow. Watch out for sharks.
-And if you need any help, call out for a lifeguard. It's a twenty-four hour job, whatever that means, so they should be able to assist you.
IMPORTANCE OF CLASSES
by Liz Sherman
The semester is well and truly underway and with a new semester it also means new classes. It isn’t much of a surprise when one learns about the uniqueness of Fandom High to find out what type of curriculum is on offer to the students, which is a very unique one for a high school.
My old high school was considerably ordinary in regards to the curriculum, which after living at Fandom for over a month seems to be the case for a good majority of the people here from what I’ve learnt thus far. Now that classes have been going for several weeks it has given people time to assess whether or not they made good choices in regards to picking what subjects they selected at the start of the semester and what they’ve learnt for next time so they know what type of classes not to pick.
I for one am perfectly happy with the classes that I chose, but that is just my personal opinion. I feel that school is more enjoyable if you like what you’re studying, even if it may be a requirement that you take the subject. So in general the point that I’m trying to make is that classes are important and if you happen to like the subject it makes it easier to study and do well, which is also important if you want to be able to achieve graduating from high school.
LEARN TO SPEAK AL BEHD!
by Rikku
Al Bhed is the native language of my people, the Al Bhed. Nobody here speaks it but me, so I thought I'd teach it to some of you! Here are some handy phrases should you ever find yourself talking with an Al Bhed - like me!!
Hello there!
Rammu drama!
How are you?
Ruf yna oui?
My name is _____. What is your name?
So hysa ec _____. Fryd ec ouin hysa?
(You should actually put your name in there, not a bunch of blanks!!!)
Learning Al Bhed is fun!
Maynhehk Al Bhed ec vih!
Happy Valentine's Day!
Rybbo Valentine's tyo!
(We don't have Valentine's Day on Spira, but that's how you'd say it anyway!)
That's all for this week! Let me know if there's anything you'd like to say in Al Bhed! Caa oui haqd desa! (See you next time!)
Commentary from Rikku in brackets; subsequent commentary from Alanna in parentheses.
ARIES (March 21-April 19):
The stars are acting like a harsh taskmaster, and you don't like it because no one wants to be bossed around by the stars. [How would that even work? Would they spell messages out in constellations?] The problem is that this kind of discipline is very good for you, just like broccoli. You have energy to spare, and when you learn to focus it, you're unstoppable. That's not always a good thing. Make sure you put out any and all candles. [I still don't get why Ares gets his own sign.] (Because you failed to notice the I in there.)
TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
Playing in the sandbox is fine when it comes to generating and developing your brilliant ideas and when you're five. [I used to live in the desert. I miss sand.] (I'm moving to the desert. It's never cold there.) Now, though, you're ready to play in the big leagues. Also? You're in high school. Grow up. Get ready to meet some movers and shakers. Become friends with a sea horse. [Everyone should make friends with a sea horse. Sea horses are cool.] (And like to take their shirts off.)
GEMINI (May 21-June 21):
The little details have a way of piling up. One by one, they're not so bad, but when they clump up, they can throw a real monkey wrench into your plans. Or an actual monkey, seeing as how this is Fandom High. [Does this mean I'll get a monkey? I want one.] (There was a chimp running around the other day.) Never fear; you'll soon find a way to tackle them all, just be sure to avoid all waterfalls. [I'm supposed to be a Gemini, but I don't have a twin. Does that mean I'm disqualified?] (I'm a Taurus cusp Gemini and I have a twin. That's just odd.)
CANCER (June 22-July 22):
You didn't just hit the ground running -- you're moving so rapidly it looks like your feet aren't even touching the earth. Or you've learned how to fly, which is really cool. [Very.] Just remember to give yourself some rest and relaxation once all your tasks are completed because otherwise you might self-combust. Floral hats are not the way to go. [Unless they're orange.] (Then they should just be banned.)
LEO (July 23-August 22):
Sometimes just showing up is the only action you need to take to get unstuck. That and your teachers won't give you detention which is always a good thing. The payoff might not be quite what you expected, but you will gain forward momentum. A key insight is sure to follow along with a pony. [I guess lots of people are getting pets this week??]
VIRGO (August 23-September 22):
When it comes to a good cause, you're unstoppable -- and charming as all get out too. Both those qualities come in handy when you meet a big cheese who could help take your plans to the next level. [Talking cheese is kinda weird, even for this place.]
LIBRA (September 23-October 22):
Put your people skills to work. What's the point of having them when they're not doing anything? When it comes to talking to higher-ups, you know how to get the truth across in the most effective way, or at least how to twist the lies around. [You shouldn't lie to your teachers.] People wonder at your skills, and rightly so. You're magical now.
SCORPIO (October 23-November 21):
Once you wise up to a situation and decide that you want out, the universe will help you find an escape route - literally sometimes. It's amazing how opportunity and desire collide when they're in harmonious agreement, though it's not always your opportunity and desire. [Then ... whose is it?] (The universes'.)
SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21):
You, out of all the signs, know that you can't conduct your life with a take-no-prisoners attitude -- you'd never have any fun that way. Plus, it's easier to hide dead bodies. [Fiends just vaporize. No mess!] (Really? Not the ones I've faced.) Just make sure the people who are angry at you don't have any blunt objects to toss your way.
CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19):
If anyone knows how to go the distance, it's you. People marvel at your stamina, and it's true -- right now you feel like you could go on forever. Just remember that you are, in fact, human. [Not necessarily.] (Point.) Take a rest afterward because there are some injuries that are a touch too embarrassing to take to the clinic. [Wait, is this one about sex? It is, isn't it?] (…You just figured that out?)
AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18):
Old limitations rear their rascally heads, but don't intimidate you. Rather, they give you a chance to break free of the past. [Memories should stay in your head.] (Otherwise they leak out your ears and make a big mess.) Take a deep breath and move slowly. Step by step, you can conquer these obstacles. If all else fails, learn how to swim. It might come in handy soon. [Wait, what? Someone's gonna drown?!] (Well, we are on an island…)
PISCES (February 19-March 20):
Be your own personal entourage, literally in some cases. Act as your own manager, agent and press person. [And your own crazy stalker!] If you get out there, you can truly make a difference if you don't end up in jail or a mental institution. This change in attitude bodes well for all areas of your life, so go for it! But avoid the salad bar. [And tell us where you were gonna have lunch, so we can skip the salad bar, too.]
Coffee Pin-Up
credits:
editor: Rory Gilmore
words: Angela Chase Rory Gilmore, Peter Parker, Rikku, Liz Sherman, Alanna Trebond
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the humble Rory Gilmore, and the magnificent Google
coffee pin-up: http://www.wrbs.com/events/2006lavik/8876.jpg