Fanfic - Torchwood / Chronicles of Narnia - The Problem of Susan - II

[ffutures]

This is a crossover between the Dr. Who universe and the Narnia stories - all characters etc. belong to various people who aren't me, there is no intent to infringe on their rights. Comments, warnings about spelling mistakes, etc. etc. gratefully received.

Comments

[jhall1]

This is excellent. A couple of minor things:

"they aren’t prepared to look give her numbers for everyone called Harkness in the city" - looks like you changed your mind on which verb to use but accidentally left the old one in.

"passed some bad checks" - in something so British, the American spelling sticks out like a sore thumb AFAIAC.

[ffutures]

Thanks - I'll fix the numbers thing.

Re checks/cheques, It's an American saying this, but I'll lamplight the point a little.

[whswhs]

Is there actually a difference of pronunciation between British English and American English? I don't think I've ever heard someone use the British pronunciation, but I'd always assumed that it was alternate spellings for the same sound.

[nelc]

Yeah, I was going to ask the same thing. I've never perceived the consonants in an American 'check' and a British 'cheque' to be different. I think you were better off leaving the US spelling in the dialogue, and maybe adding a few more Americanisms, or highlighting Susan's perception of his regional (e.g. Bronx or Virginian, say) accent.

[whswhs]

The plot thickener is working, I see. I'm completely at a loss where you're going with this, though that may be partly because I'm not familiar with any of the Who continuity and so could be missing pointers. But you're holding my interest. It sounds as if someone has been flashythinged.

Was that sort of breakfast actually regarded as unhealthy in 1945 or so? I had the impression the armies of unsaturation didn't start marching until the fifties or even the sixties. I remember one of the Narnia books described how the Calormenes cooked with nasty oils instead of wholesome butter.

[ffutures]

A good point, but she's a young woman and trying to stay attractive. Maybe I'll substitute "fattening" for "unhealthy",

[speakr2customrs]

Fats weren't regarded as especially fattening until the sugar industry really got busy blackening their name so that the sugar producers could dodge responsibility for the problems they cause - and that wasn't until the '60s if I recall correctly. Certainly in Agatha Christie books written in the Thirties and Forties someone who was dieting would eat any amount of bacon and the like but would scrape the Hundreds and Thousands off the cream topping of their trifle.

I'm struggling with this because I only ever watched one episode of Torchwood - because someone had done a Torchwood video to Thea Gilmore's wonderful cover of 'Ever Fallen In Love', and made it look much more interesting than it proved to be in actuality - and so I'm finding it very hard to understand what's going on. Someone seems to be wiping Susan's mind - and that makes them Evil with a capital E in my view.

[ffutures]

Torchwood - erasing memories of unusual events for the good of the state(?) since 1879. In this case they actually think they have good reason, though that's a matter of opinion and a somewhat biased interpretation of canon Narnia stuff.

[vikingprincess]

I'm very much enjoying this story.

[ffutures]

Thanks!