Is it me....?
so last week i skived three days of uni. i am dying of guilt..seriously i regret it so fuckin much:( i doubt i have missed much but still, i am so disappointed with me.
anyway...i have a bass now :D and i WILL learn to play it
the reason i was compelled to write in here is cause i think im killing my relationship, just like i killed the last one.
it all seems to be so comfortable so quick. i think the spark might have gone for him already. i still get mega excited when i see him, and i know he doesnt show much emotion anyway but its kinda hard.
when i go see him, he seems to just accept im there and play playstation. he doesnt seem to wanna do much with me. he is happy to just have me lie by him and watch but is very passive. im not criticising this...its not wrong, its just different. i am just an attention seeker i suppose. i want to be worshipped, i want him to have fun things for us to do all the time. i want him to be excited about things. i want him to surprise me. i want to be on my way home one time and find a little note in my bag just saying 'i love you' and have that wonderful feeling that he has put that in there with the intention i find it once ive gone. i want i want i want. thats my problem. i want too much, he is only human for gods sake. i dont know what i expect...but i do know its too much. cause i do really love him, i just feel like there is something missing still. i fear it is something inside myself.
anyway.
sleep i think.
i should stop being so selfish.
anyway...i have a bass now :D and i WILL learn to play it
the reason i was compelled to write in here is cause i think im killing my relationship, just like i killed the last one.
it all seems to be so comfortable so quick. i think the spark might have gone for him already. i still get mega excited when i see him, and i know he doesnt show much emotion anyway but its kinda hard.
when i go see him, he seems to just accept im there and play playstation. he doesnt seem to wanna do much with me. he is happy to just have me lie by him and watch but is very passive. im not criticising this...its not wrong, its just different. i am just an attention seeker i suppose. i want to be worshipped, i want him to have fun things for us to do all the time. i want him to be excited about things. i want him to surprise me. i want to be on my way home one time and find a little note in my bag just saying 'i love you' and have that wonderful feeling that he has put that in there with the intention i find it once ive gone. i want i want i want. thats my problem. i want too much, he is only human for gods sake. i dont know what i expect...but i do know its too much. cause i do really love him, i just feel like there is something missing still. i fear it is something inside myself.
anyway.
sleep i think.
i should stop being so selfish.