the end of the year....
The end of the school year has officially come.. Sadness and emptiness are quickly filling the halls that were just a couple days ago so full of color and energy and people and noises and laughter... The halls are no longer echoing with noises of people wandering in them, yelling at others, playing games, and being crazy... The walls are completely bare and boring... Everything around here is just so blah now... I still have my suitemate/bestfriend in the whole wide world amanda which makes me happy, but even she leaves tomorrow.. Silence is taking over and it's scary!!! I don't like it... If there was a way, I would stay here 24/7 and never leave. This is home. School is my life, my friends, my habits, my everything... Move out week is so depressing becuase it means the end of a lot of things. The end of the numerous people that are just down the hall or stairs. These are the friends that are awake at all hours of the day and night that you can just walk across the hall and find... There's no driving invovled... walk out in your p.j.'s and there are you friends.... It means the end of living on my own schedule... when i go home - i live on my parents' schedule of getting up early and going to bed earlier than i want to just because I'm the only one left in the house that is still awake... At school there is always somebody else awake... no matter what time it is.. I go back home to dead end jobs for the summer... jobs that are either annoying or you have to bust your ass for... neither of which do i enjoy... I have to work 2 differant stupid pointless never going to get me anywhere in life jobs just to pay the bills... WTF?!?!?!?! I'm not even on my own yet... but in a way.. I like the idea of being able to do that... I basically do live on my own up here which is nice.. I like having my independence... I like the feeling of knowing that if i needed to i could survive on my own.... school has taught me that... I have just enough smarts about life in general that if something happened, I would be able to make it out on top one way or another!!! WOOHOO GO ME!!! lol...
I lead two totally differant lives it seems.. one is 9 months long and one is 3 months.... I feel like they are sooooo completely differant that I sometimes wonder how just one person can lead two seperate lives... My home life and school life don't collide at all... it's wierd... I live school at school and home at home... for example... I'll go home this summer and go from talking to manders all day every day to talking to her MAYBE once a month... we just don't talk during the summer because of work and such... DAMN - I'm gonna miss that girl... When i come to school my friends from home dont come here to visit because everyone is either in school or working... I don't want to leave.... Don't get me wrong - I love my friends at home too, but it's just not the same... they're nowhere near as convienant.. I guess i'm spoiled now....
I should be packing right now i think, but i'm afraid if i do that... I'll just sit around moping tomorrrow after everyone leaves.. i need to leave the packing for tomorrow so i have something to do to keep myself busy... Each year I'm here it gets harder to leave... I've grown close to a handful of people and each time summer rolls around it becomes harder to let go of that family, yes family... it's not even friends.. the people that i am close to up here are my school family... and without them.. I'm lost..... I don't like that feeling...
but i guess enough depressing writing... I'll quit for now... i might go at it again tomorrow, but I'm done for tonight...
I love all of you guys!!!! I'm going to miss everyone this summer big time...