Thank you
After talking with Cody last night, I realized something. I am completely over my ex now and could care less for the first time in a long time. I was already sort of there, but the past couple weeks have proven to me that I truly do feel that way. About a month ago, I started feel irritated when he would send me messages and things and found myself asking, "What does he want now?" It was a great feeling to know that I finally getting to a point where i didn't care about him anymore. I hope he finds the right person, but I no longer wish for that person to be me! It's such a relief. I feel so much better about myself because I am no longer looking into what might have been, but am now looking at what is to come. I needed a final push into that mode because although I was close, I wasn't quite there.... That push ended up being Ken.
Ken is this amazing guy that I was introduced to about two or three weeks ago. I met him at my friend Cody's house. That night I met Ken I was instantly attracted to him. He seemed like a fun, caring, and easy going guy. I figured that if Cody is claiming him as one of best friends then he must be a good guy!! Right? He tried to get to volunteer myself so that he could show off some "tan-belt-ninja-shit" but I wouldn't let him. He kept trying all night, but I was too stubborn. After that night, we started talking on the phone and online every night, it was great! He had lots to say and was hilliarious! I hadn't smiled that much in a very very long time... Then I was informed that he was departing for Japan in a couple days... What a shocker!!! At this point I had only known him for a week, yet, I couldn't help but think about how much it was going to suck when he left. I wanted to give him a hug and be able to say good-bye... For the next two days, I thought about this and could not get the idea out of my head, so I finally called him up and told him that I was coming to get a hug before he left. I think he was as exctied as i was!!! Which made me feel even better. I drove down there and found out he was taking me out to dinner. He took me on a date!!! We went to the olive garden and had a good time!! Afterwards we were going to go and watch a movie, but the theatre was already closed, so instead we rented movies. I think this worked out for the better anyways, because we ended up cuddling together on the couch all night long watching movies. Nothing happened except that we enjoyed each other's company, talked, and layed on top of each other. It was really nice. I felt that safe feeling, like nothing could go wrong when leaning against him. The world was perfect for just those moments, everything was right in my world. Early that morning i helped him pack his stuff for the airport. It was fun even though I didn't really help much. I learned how to fold his shirts and pants properly and how to pack a c bag... so it was fun to learn something new. He seemed sort of relieved that I was willing to help instead of getting in the way and whining that he shouldn't go. Part of me wanted to do that, but i refrained because I know that's not what he wants to hear. I knew that being a marine and going overseas was a big deal for him already and I didn't want to make things any harder...
We continued our movie watching until his parents got up and ready and said good-bye before he left for the airport. While he was getting ready to head out.. I had to say my goodbyes. I wanted so badly to kiss him, but again, didn't want to make things awkward or any harder than they had to be, so I gave him a good strong hug and let him be on his way.
As I was arriving back to school I got a phone call from him on his way to grand rapids. He wanted to make sure that I made it back from the dark scary parking lot safely... awwwwwwwwwwwwww... I felt loved! So that was it i figured... i didn't think I"d hear from him for like a month or so, but I was wrong. I got a phone the night he landed in seattle where we talked until his phone died. Was this the last time? NO! he called one more time... He was getting ready to board the plane and called one last time to say hello, goodbye, and that he would get into contact with me as soon as he could, but that it'd probably be a month. He told me I was his last phone call out before leaving the states!!!! How adorable!!! I was on cloud nline, b/c he cared just that much!!!! I now knew i wasn't alone in the wishing there was more even though there can't be.
So then I had to wait... I planned on not hearing from him for quite some time, but yet again, he surprised me.... only two days after arriving on base he found a computer, a webcam and a microphone!!! We had the whole set up going!!!! We talked that day for like 3 hours... and the next night as well... He sent me all sorts of cute messages... I couldn't stop smiling.... I still think one of favorite lines ever was in a conversation about how I made hime do something... i asked what and he said "You made me like you." I melted right then and there!!! One of my other favorites moments was when we were talking about how he took me out on that date and his brother said the reason he did that was to leave an impression.. I told him that it worked.. and all of a sudden i see him via the webcam go "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, I'm sorry..." We both started laughing uncontrollably...
I keep thinking how silly I feel, b/c when I talk to him I get this great big smile that doesn't go away and I'm all giddy.... I haven't felt this way in a very very long time.... I'll probably take a lot shit for this super happy mood from amanda, but I don't give a shit!! It's totally worth it!!! For once, I am very very excited about somebody and not thinking about the past at all!!!! It's about damn time...
I guess that's enough rambling.... i didn't plan on typing that long, I'm not even sure what the point of this was when I started out anymore... I know there was a point - and that I had a direction, but I got off track talking about how Ken and I met...
think think think think think....
ummmmmmm...
OH YEAH!!! I remember now!!! I wanted to say thank you!
Thank you to Amanda for being there for me the whole way through and letting me cry on your shoulder when I needed to let it all go. I'm really not sure how I would have made it through without you!!!!
Thank you to Cody for helping out when you had the chance!!! Also, thank you for introducing me to Ken!!!
Thank you to Ken for making me see that there are guys out there who can be gentlemen and that there is someone out there who can make me laugh until I cry!!!
And...
Thank you to everyone else who was around to listen and talk me through the rough patches!!!
I needed all of you guys and am glad I have friends like you!!!