Something old, something new, something borrowed: Cloverfield blew
I just got back from watching Cloverfield with my daughter.
If anything good comes of this film, it will be that in years to come, they will teach a class on how not to make movies, and use this as a text.
Start with the plot of a Japanese giant-rubber-monster movie, but without its naive charm.
Add repellently unlikable, annoying characters. Stir with a few well-placed uses of current tech (camera phones and people texting from a party), so you know it's just so *current*.
Season with a video style taken from the worst parts of the Blair Witch Project - and add so much of it that it completely interferes with the story.
Mmmm, that's bad cinema.
Truly, I was praying for someone to die after the first ten minutes, but no, they made me wait another twenty minutes of excruciatingly bad outtake-quality crud before we get to the monstrousness.
This movie didn't have to suck. First, rewrite the script so that there were people onscreen who you didn't hate. Then, edit that first thirty minutes down to five. Most important, trim the self-indulgent use of the blurry moving camera - replace it with more normal videography in order to tell the story, and use the "hand-held" look just for spice.
Really, it didn't have to suck.
If anything good comes of this film, it will be that in years to come, they will teach a class on how not to make movies, and use this as a text.
Start with the plot of a Japanese giant-rubber-monster movie, but without its naive charm.
Add repellently unlikable, annoying characters. Stir with a few well-placed uses of current tech (camera phones and people texting from a party), so you know it's just so *current*.
Season with a video style taken from the worst parts of the Blair Witch Project - and add so much of it that it completely interferes with the story.
Mmmm, that's bad cinema.
Truly, I was praying for someone to die after the first ten minutes, but no, they made me wait another twenty minutes of excruciatingly bad outtake-quality crud before we get to the monstrousness.
This movie didn't have to suck. First, rewrite the script so that there were people onscreen who you didn't hate. Then, edit that first thirty minutes down to five. Most important, trim the self-indulgent use of the blurry moving camera - replace it with more normal videography in order to tell the story, and use the "hand-held" look just for spice.
Really, it didn't have to suck.