(no subject)
I wrote this Monday, June 30, 2003. I wrote this today - June 16, 2005.
[ Current Clothes ] long tshirt my 'rents brought back from st. maarten - "we be jammin'" that im using as a nighshirt, gonna take a shower in a few my elephant pajamas. they're huge on me. but today's clothes were my jeans with the attached belt, sneakers (gasp!), and my "geek is chic" shirt. and my mother's sweatshirt that I am notorious for stealing.
[ Current Mood ] mediocre dazed, perhaps...in happy, peaceful disbelief. life has really been unreal these past few days, and yet it fits, somehow...
[ Current Music ] nothing - gasp! BNL's "shoebox" is stuck in my head, if that counts "Jerk it Out" was in my head...then idk what was *just* in my head because this is back now..dooo doot doo dooo...
[ Current Taste ] dr. pepper/fajitas for dinner idk, me taste? I guess diet dr pepper...*drinks* yep.
[ Current Hair ] bun w/ spiffy scrunchie i made from a sock i got on my 8th grade scavenger hunt, which i've worn so much the heel wore out and i dont know how to darn/im too lazy to learn, so i cut it off and made a scrunchie! how resourceful of me! just up in a bun. I'm lazy like that.
[ Current Annoyance ] periods suck. and i dont like tacos. hehe. um, the amount of work I have left to do, others' procrastination on...things, being somewhat sick, and having to get up early tomorrow despite going to stay up answering this, inputting more MIDI music for next year, and reading HP2 for the fifth time.
[ Current Favorite Artist ] oh jeepers. well beatles overall, recently BNL as always, BNL and the beatles make me happy. BNL is definitely warm fuzzy music. I guess lately I've been listening to norah jones, generic crapsical (overplayed classical music), the 'Bubs CD that Chris gave me, whatever.
[ Current Desktop Picture ] black. just plain, standard, blackness. wow I was a depressing ex-frosh. um, it's a greyish mass of the word "background" that I generated using something...I could look, but I'm lazy. you type in a word and tweak a couple things and it makes something rather spiffy.
[ Current CD in CD Player] my discman? some cd my dad got from his soda. it's very britney spears-esque, like ...oh who was it...FINE ILL CHECK THEN..umm rachel farris. it's all little and cute but the music isnt that great. im too lazy to change it...but otherwise it'd be mighty mighty bosstones "let's face it" bc that's what i ran to on saturday.(im bad, i didnt get up early enough to run today.poo.) in my computer cd drive - nothing i think. nope, i lied, it's "lennie's bday mix", a CD beth made for me last year. score. I have "the most relaxing classical album in the world...ever, volume 2" in my discman which is attached to my computer. but I think the all-states CD is in my actual CD drive, and there might be REQUIEM by Webber in my pathetic excuse for a stereo. yeah, that's all.
[ Current DVD in player]well i dont really haaaave one...ooh but theres a DVD drive in my dad's pc. it's empty, but the only DVD we have to my knowledge is the matrix. it's almost definitely empty, though 2 years later we also have chicago, college tour videos, various concerts, and the music man on DVD. none of which, to my knowledge, are in there.
[ Current Refreshment ] nothing at present, though ive been drinking dr. pepper. w00t. wow, also drinking diet dr. pepper...wonder if it was diet then too...probably...
[ Current Worry ] well i wasnt until you reminded me..that i'm fat and that people hate me. the usual. wow, the days when I asserted my lack of worth openly...hm. that's really sad. while I still have a sub-par body image, and I weigh about the same as I did, I'm in slightly better shape, and I feel a little better about myself. at the very least, I don't talk about it all the goddamn time. er. I guess not being able to get my spanish video project done because there have been so many setbacks, not being able to type my 6 or 7 papers that are all due by wednesday, mostly before, not being able to solve the forensics crime AND go "home" during my triple study...but I already promised them I would, so I'll have to do my best to catch up...I really can't think of anything that I can be doing anyway, it seems pretty stuck and yet obvious. or rather, strike that and reverse it. and of course, that this whole week of wonder will turn out just like it always has, for the past year, almost two, of being distraught and stretched out and lied to and torn and such. despite all these, though, and how much I can write about them, I'm not terribly bothered. hum.
LAST PERSON...
[ You Touched ] ummm possibly one of my parents, most likely one of my grents maybe parents, I think mum surprisingly. I was reenacting a scene from earlier in the day.
[ You Talked to ] 'rents. Kas, on the phone.
[ You Hugged ] grandmother sort of mum, see above...actually, Bill.
[ You Instant messaged ] becca rose/jessi/dave uh...it wasn't today, I don't think. so idk, and I can't be bothered enough to check log manager. sorry.
[ You Yelled At ] kind of my mother...well that was just arguing...umm my dad then. well ive ranted online to keith too...but i wasnt yelling, and not at him...so that doesnt count does it? don't remember either. which is good. very good. I got really upset with Chris last, but that's fine now.
FAVOURITE...
[ Food ] chocolate, fruit,pasta,veggie burgers...lol my theory is when you do enough of these surveys you get to know yourself better bc you know your favorite whatevers off the top of your head. I still love chocolate and fruit. lately I've been eating a lot of LUNA and kashi bars, and such. I dunno. food is food, it's kind of a problem and kind of just there.
[ Drink ] hot: coffee - cold: lemonade/ice coffee - soda: tie between root beer (go clad!) and dr. pepper coffee, diet soda of various kinds, fresca, smoothies, lemonade...
[ Color ] green, blue, black. recently red is to my liking as well. :) purple, red...
[ Album ] mmm stop asking me music questions, you knooowww i cant answer! ummm pretty much any musical, BNL, bff, anything beatles, and and and *brain explodes* uh...right now, Shedding by the 'Bubs is pretty supercool, and norah is an old fave of course. I'm bad with making music decisions.
[ Shoes ] something that makes me tall, goes with anything, and doesnt give me blisters. lol i like the lore shoes but they dont really fit me anymore :( and i love the shoes i bought at decelles for next year - black patent leather shoes and boots and sneakers. and i never wear sneakers either. mwa wow, I bought the shiny shoes longer ago than I'd thought! um, I like flip flops because I don't have to wear socks, but I'm not really in love with any of the shoes I have now...will have to change that. *grin* oh, maybe my black prom shoes that I wear for every possibly dressy occasion. whee they're cute. with bows.
[ Candy ] mike and ikes!!!! or chocolate! or or I LOVE CANDY lol im good....omfg i havent had skittles in forever! skittles rock! *calms down* I still heart candy, lots. I dunno.
[ TV Show ] whose line!!!! followed by snl/gilmore girls/jeopardy/friends/LIZZIE MCGUIRE hahaha right um, I watch comedy central...it's mindless tv. I don't watch a lot of tv, but when I do, it's that or friends, or will&grace. or, like, food network. eh.
[ Movie ] the matrix. or disney movies - eller vokter un disney film!!!! finding nemo rocks. noooo idea.
[ Dance ] bailar gogo. anything i can do! and stuff i cant! um, the cotton-eyed joe? safety dance? who knows, man. just dance.
[ Song ] NOOOOOO DONT MAKE ME EVEN CONCIEVE CHOOSING A FAVORITE SONG! still the same.
[ Cartoon ] disney movies. or the simpsons. or...idk lol don't really watch cartoons...homestar runner? haha
ARE YOU...
[ Understanding ] usually I try
[ Open-minded ]i attempt, but im really not - im a very intolerant person with some things, and usually in theory
[ Insecure ] a lot more than people think. people see me as all independent and etc but no people don't see me as independent at all...but I'm more secure than I used to be.
[ Interesting ] i think people laugh because they think i'll hurt them. but at least they laugh! i'm just me. I think so. not amazing, but not horribly boring. at least I find my life interesting, which makes me interesting, right? isn't passion the key to life, anyway?
[ Random ] and other films such as chicken...goes west! here, have a gopher. it's the perfect cure-all! (very very) uh, I guess.
[ Hungry ] no, im rarely hungry although i eat a lot. far more than i should, actually. not at the moment. I get hungry sometimes, and then I eat. it isn't a big deal.
[ Friendly ] yeah, im scary but i really dont bite...well okay, but not frequently. grrr...I bite now. *wink*
[ Smart ] yeah, i dont apply myself though. really. if i just paid attention in class and did all my homework...nah yes, I am smart. there are people who do better in school than I do, but it doesn't matter. good for them. I pass my classes with little effort, and I get As in things that interest me. eh.
[Moody ] not as much as others... *cough* but yeah, im pretty bitchy at times. well, I can be moody, but there are worse people out there. like Paula-from-work. guh.
[ Childish ] WHEEEEE! yeah, pretty much.
[ Hard working ] HAHAHAHA im lazy. mmmm lazy except where I'm driven.
[ Organized ] very very very disorganized. omit two verys....just very disorganized. and not always very, either.
[ Healthy ] nope nope nope! recently, moderately so - but only bc im trying to lose weight pshaw. well, now I eat mostly healthyish foods and actually (GASP!) go to the gym, so...yeah I'd say I'm working on it. sweet.
[ Emotionally Stable ] at the moment (well wait that cancels it out doesnt it lol) way more than I used to be. I rant a lot, I guess.
[ Shy ] at times, others im incredbily outgoing...FREAK DANCE! lol at times...
[ Difficult ] i get along with myself okay heh. hopefully, only in a cute way
[ Attractive ] definitely not yeah, I guess so. *smile*
[ Bored Easily ] unfortunately, i am... though i'm also easily amused. ditto, I guess?
[ Messy ] haha have you SEEN my room? pretty much but not like, disgustingly so
[ Thirsty ] not now kinda
[ Responsible ] when i want to be.. i have a really responsible and practical conscience...oh wait, that's ilana. um actually i do, but i rarely listen to it. enough to be upstanding
[ Obsessed ] rather often such yeah, that's one thing that never changed.
[ Angry ] not at the moment, but i am prone to random and extreme bursts of anger. at things like safety seals. hahaha...more so frustrated, not angry.
[ Sad ] not at the moment a bit, but not really.
[ Happy ] guess so, im not anything else yes. in a puzzling sense, yes.
[ Hyper ] not really. jeepers, what AM i now? but i certainly have the capability, right beth? *hyper laugh* I can be.it's frightening. about things like going to the grocery store, too.
[ Trusting ] depends who it is almost too much.
[ Talkative ] definitely typically, I don't shut up.
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
[ Kill ] not anyone literally - but then again, im not angry at the moment. but most people know who i would if i did... *cough* wow, that was the worst thing ever. interestingly enough, I feel exactly the opposite now. *hugs my baby* but as for now, um...no, no one.
[ Slap ] i am the bitchslap queen. people who dont agree with me, usually um, the "foreigner", as the Norton calls 'im. but not really, I just think I should feel like I should, if that makes sense. I dunno. I'm not upset anymore.
[ Look Like ] a beautiful goddess. hey, unlikely is cool - umm if im going to keep my frame (ick), sara rue. if not, just someone pretty, damnthee! jeepers. I dunno, a happier me.
[ Talk To Offline ] all my darlings...i miss you soooo much Kas and the N and I need to sit down with some chocolate and rant...and then I need the comfort of someone's arms (and there you were...sorry, song is in my head)
[ Talk To Online ] id much rather see them. Lori's quite funny. Jessi used to be, too, but we sort of stopped talking, except about Forensics. but it's getting better. I think. I'm trying.
HAVE YOU EVER..
[ Pictured your crush naked? ] erm... probably, but actually I don't think I have, not entirely so...wow, that's a bit odd actually. well of course I have NOW...
[ Been in love ] yes, i believe so...twice at most though I definitely hadn't then. I think I might now, just because it's like going over a snowbank and you think it's *this* deep and you sink down and you realize it's *thhhhhhhiiiiiiiisssss* deep, and you still haven't hit the bottom yet...but yes, only once. at least I think so. if this isn't love, I'm honestly afraid of what is.
[ Cried when someone died ] hmm... possibly, cant remember ditto...
[ Lied] maybe... lol waaay too much unfortunately.
WHICH IS BETTER..
[ Coke or pepsi] pepsi! now who besides me can tell the difference? actually I'm more of a coke fan now...
[ Flowers or candy] CHOCOLATE ROSES lol both are awesome, but i dont want them for valentines day. kisses. *wink*
[ Tall or short ] short. tall people scare me, medium people are cool, but short people like me rock. tall people don't scare me anymore. I heart Alex and Bill! woo! I wish I were a little taller, but I'm okay with it, whatever.
WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX..
[what do u notice first?] eyes/smile I think their unspoken words, which come through in their eyes/smile. most of my true "conversations" are with my eyes and mouth.
[last person u slow danced with] daniel harlow i think...not for a looong time though haha I remember that. um, at prom...let's see...probably Bill, maybe Alex for like 2 seconds...did anyone else dance with me? I don't think so. then Bill, because I danced with him after I danced with Alex. yeah, that's right. dude.
[worst question to ask] anything i dont want to answer! I *still* don't understand this question. I guess getting me started on the saga is a bad idea, especially if you're not involved in it.
WHO..
[makes u laugh the most?] zach or ilana/jessi in random hyper moods Kassie. but all my friends make me laugh a lot, it's a definite requirement of friendship.
[makes you smile] any of my friends :)<- see? i'm smiling! ditto...but there's definitely one person who makes me grin like an idiot. especially when I'm not the first to be doing it.
[makes you blush] heehee people. i dont blush often though I don't really blush...
[has a crush on u?] ugh...we are not bringing that up. we all know the answer anyway, but no one but him i think wow, what a bitch, Laura. dude. I don't think anybody has a "crush" on me...uh, I know a person or two who've said they're attracted to me in the past few months, and one who's said he loves me...but that's it. no "teehee I like u, do u like me? check one yes or no" cards.
DO YOU EVER..
[sit on the internet all night waiting for someone special to IM you?] sometimes... but i generally IM people first yeah, I've definitely been guilty of it. now I sit on the computer answering surveys all night with an away message up that I check periodically. but I definitely wait by the phone, usually reading.
[save aol/aim conversations] i have log manager, so theyre automatically saved, but when i think they'll be useful or entertaining later i do I have log manager, but I don't use it too much.
[wish u were a member of the opposite sex] have on occasion simply because being female is hard, but then i realize how much i wouldn't really want to <-stole jessi's answer, but it says it all um, no, not really. guys are smelly. hehe...I mean, it sucks to bleed every month and be all bitchy and crampy...but otherwise, we get a lot more perks. *whee* but then again, I'm a total old-fashioned sap.
[cried because of someone saying something to you] yes, far too often. i hate being yelled at, im weak that way yeah I do that, but haven't in a little while. actually I did on Saturday, but that was more so my emotional response to the situation than a single sentence or something.
HAVE YOU EVER..
[fallen for your best friend] unfortunately yes...well not my best female friend, but thrice for my best male friend. my heart works that way i guess? I kinda fell for my best female friend, but that was rather temporary. In my confused-ish days, I suppose? but definitely, I'm going to end up marrying my best friend, even if we're 80 first.
[been rejected] hahaha ALL THE FUCKING TIME! WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? wow, what a pessimist. yeah I guess, but more so put on hold? I dunno.
[cheated on someone] havent had the chance but id never live with myself Interesting, interesting.
[done something you regret] of course, who hasnt, but i regret like everything i do - shouldnt tho. we really should accept that past is past. not doing so causes so many problems.wise, I was, in theory. ha. um...but my favorite saying now is "no regrets".
DO YOU / HAVE YOU..
[could u live without the computer?] yes, im not on a respirator or anything, but it would suck uh it'd be harder.
[color ur hair] temporary, but i washed it right out bc it didnt show up I want to put some copperyred in it this summer, but I'll likely chicken out
[ever get off the damn computer] very rarely more so than before, this year
[habla espanol] si, ¿y tu? actually fairly well now, well...not fluently, but much better than I'd thought.
[how many peeps are on ur buddylist?] 39, i delete people when i dont talk to them in 2 months or so ugh do I really have to minimize this and check? fine. 71 but I only talk to like 2. heh.
[like watching sunrises or sunset] they rock, but im rarely up for sunrises :) whee, sunsets...ehehehe. yeah, they're pretty.
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?] emotional, though i cant stand physical pain, im so fucking weak. but it is easier to deal with. emotional.
NUMBER..
[of guys I have kissed?] 4 on the cheek don't know how many on the cheek, but 3 in general.
[of girls I have kissed?] 1, like 80 on the cheek lol - the other one was a dare, shut up 1 but not seriously so much, like 8,000 on the cheek, heh.
[of continents I have lived in?] 1
[of tight friends?] hmm... *counts* between 6 and 12...idk really know anymore I was totally just saying that. really tight, though? 3. possibly 4. at the most.
[of cd's that I own?] not enough considerably more, but still not enough
[of scars on my body?] millions...well not really, but a lot because i always cut myself when i was little, and i used to SI but that didnt really scar too badly. enough. that's the worst answer ever, but I'm not going to count...
[of things in my past that I regret?] too many to count ditto
"oh btw, i stole this from jessi who stole it from amy who stole it from the drive or something like that? idk ask her."
wow that took too long, it's 10:18 now.