Crochet Magazines
So, I recently received my Crochet Today in the mail. I also managed to get an issue of Crochet! to which I had found a super-cheap subscription a long time ago and had subsequently forgotten about. Crochet! was, of course, terrible, but that's not what I want to gripe about.
Usually, with Crochet Today there's at least one thing that I and inclined to make. Something that is either difficult, that I might want to wear or use, or that I can easily see being something to donate. But this issue, Sept/Oct 09, was, in fact, the worst issue I have ever seen. There was nothing in it that struck my fancy one way or the other. The entire issue was geared toward 'going back to school' in some format (except for three patterns of actual adult clothing **sigh**) which was grating enough as it is.
The cover has a picture of a crochet clock on it. Just that alone would be enough for me not to pick it up in the store had I not already have a subscription to it. I am flabergasted that they would choose to put something kitchy on their cover instead of a person actually, you know, wearing one of their designs. Appalling. However, in the Editor's letter area she lists this particular piece of atrocity amongst her three favorite patterns in this issue, the second being a hat, and the last being, perhaps, the worst thing I have ever seen in a crochet magazine. Or a knitting one, it doesn't matter.
So, let us look at what we can make this issue. First, let me make this known, in my magazines, I prefer clothing patterns, and sometimes a good doily. This is just my preference, since I'd rather work on something that I can eventually wear opposed to items that I don't see the point in. This is way I thoroughly enjoyed the last issue of Verena Knitting, because it was chock full of apparel and had 50 patterns of them too. No crochet magazine that I have ever seen is like that, they all include some bit of lame junkety. Such as the following:
Covers for tin cans. Why would you keep a tin can? They are gross on the inside no matter how you dress them. And do you really need more than, say three? Unless you have a million pencils and pens? I'm not really a house-y kind of person (I make the doilies because I like working with thread). The best decorations I have are cat fur and decorative beer bottles (read: bottles I haven't taken back to the store for the five cent return). But I do understand that this sort of thing appeals to some people, so I can let a few kitchy patterns go per issue. However, this issue is dominated with them as well as children things, and that I cannot abide.
Another thing you should know is that I am not a fan of children. Yes, I know I am evil and heartless and blah-blah-blah. I find children neither cute, endearing, or adorable. They are mainly annoying. If it appears difficult enough, I will hazard to make a piece of child clothing or blanket (which is my current project) but those I can give to charity when I am done. Also, I understand that children's items often make appearances in these magazines, so I don't sweat it if I see them. A few is okay. When half the issue is them, then, however, I become perturbed. But I'll get to that later.
There's a thing on being more eco-friendly in this issue, which is cool in and of itself, and one of the 'patterns' is for turning an old shirt into something modern. That's fine. I want to do something similar to one of my Green Lantern shirts, but give it some short sleeves instead of a neckline.
Then we have tiny little bowls or 'pots' in the shape of acorns. This look cute, although incredibly small so I couldn't actually use them to store anything. This is also a pattern that I could finish in about an hour, and I, personally, like to get a bit more bang for my buck than that.
Dish cloths. I have never seen the point to crochet a dishcloth. They just seem more flimsy and ineffectual than the usual, and more of an item to display than one of functionality. I could be wrong of course, but I have no desire to be proven otherwise by making one.
An easily constructed bag. I have no interest in these, but at least I see the value. And I see bags frequently in craft magazines, anyhow. In this issue there is also a tunic which, although it has a turtle neck and is made of a DK weight bamboo wool, has short sleeves and full of holes. Is it supposed to keep me warm or what? I would assume warm, as it's for fall, but aside from the neck and the heavy yarn, I don't see how it's accomplishing that. Also, there is an ugly capelet. I'll leave it at that.
There's a throw out of granny motifs, and later on one done in waves, with both zig-zags and multiple colors. It would be okay if not for the front post stitch it uses. The last throw of the mag is a small afghan, made in stripes. Supposedly you can make it in your school's colors to show some school spirit. It's so easy that even a teenager on meth can do it! Yay! If they weren't out being so busy studying and reading them books, like the girl in the picture. Because that's what they all do, don't cha know. This would be better suited for someone in college, who might actually give a damn about their school, or an alumni. However I would be bored senseless with something of this size, and would prefer to turn it into a scarf. There's also a tiny child's blanket that is so small it might just be a large handkerchief. It might be cute to wipe up a baby's spittle, I suppose.
Now we have perhaps one of the dumbfounded things I have ever seen. Little doilies for rocks. See, you make a tiny doily, and then use it to cover a rock with. Go out to your backyard and grab one from the ground kind of rock. And then you stick it in your house as a decoration. If you have kids, this is something that sounds like the perfect item to play with a break a window. If you don't have kids it just sounds... retarded? I would have preferred a rock lobster.
There's a beret which doesn't look too bad, and which I might even have wanted to make for cancer patients, except it's classified as 'too damn easy for me to bother with.' I'm a snob about simple patterns, I know.
And... we get to the 'school' section. So far, all the patterns have been all over the place regarding uselessfullness, and it doesn't get any better. We start off with that alarm clock from the cover, and progress onto a child's cardigan and vest. The cardigan doesn't look terribly bad, but we all know my propensity for children's patterns, so let's move on.
We have a scarf that looks more like it's supposed to be for a rodeo (albeit a girly rodeo) than for warmth. At least its clothing on an adult model. Granted, I have no desire to make this scarf...
A pencil case. Or, you can put your dildo in it. Not, in any way, my cup of tea. Similar to the can covers from the beginning. I guess someone out there likes this stuff, but I would sooner put my writing utensils in a drawer of the house.
Then we have a Halloween section, begun with a candy basket, so you can make a basket that won't match what your kid wants to be this year, and so that he/she can get their sticky hands all over what you have spent hours creating. However, if you make it small enough, you can limit the amount of time you spend escorting your kid around that night, and the amount of sugar they'll get. I always went for the pillow cases myself. Tried and true. Handles never broke, no pieces of candy ever fell out, and was big enough that I was able to get a nice haul at the end of it.
We also have 'crafty disguises' which I think is the worst thing in this mag, perhaps worse than the doily rocks. A little crochet mask and some moustaches. Because taping them to your kid's upper lip always keeps them on for the entire night, and using glue never hurts when taking them off. Also, so your kid can be Cheech or Chong! Yay! I can toast to that. But seriously. Would this take longer than ten minutes to make? I really don't see the value in this at all. Keeping it on would take more effort than actually making it.
We also have some kid's hats that you might only be able to convince your kid to wear that one night. Probably not. Also, I see that they're fairly holey, so I don't know how warm they'd be. October got to be damn cold where I came from, but if you want to chance your kid getting a draft, go for it.
So, anyhow, that is my interpretation of this issue. Nothing that I would even want to make for charity. I might take an hour and make the beret, because it was the only nice thing in the issue, my only fault being I could do it in my sleep. Had I not a subscription, I most assuredly would not be taking this issue home with me.
Usually, with Crochet Today there's at least one thing that I and inclined to make. Something that is either difficult, that I might want to wear or use, or that I can easily see being something to donate. But this issue, Sept/Oct 09, was, in fact, the worst issue I have ever seen. There was nothing in it that struck my fancy one way or the other. The entire issue was geared toward 'going back to school' in some format (except for three patterns of actual adult clothing **sigh**) which was grating enough as it is.
The cover has a picture of a crochet clock on it. Just that alone would be enough for me not to pick it up in the store had I not already have a subscription to it. I am flabergasted that they would choose to put something kitchy on their cover instead of a person actually, you know, wearing one of their designs. Appalling. However, in the Editor's letter area she lists this particular piece of atrocity amongst her three favorite patterns in this issue, the second being a hat, and the last being, perhaps, the worst thing I have ever seen in a crochet magazine. Or a knitting one, it doesn't matter.
So, let us look at what we can make this issue. First, let me make this known, in my magazines, I prefer clothing patterns, and sometimes a good doily. This is just my preference, since I'd rather work on something that I can eventually wear opposed to items that I don't see the point in. This is way I thoroughly enjoyed the last issue of Verena Knitting, because it was chock full of apparel and had 50 patterns of them too. No crochet magazine that I have ever seen is like that, they all include some bit of lame junkety. Such as the following:
Covers for tin cans. Why would you keep a tin can? They are gross on the inside no matter how you dress them. And do you really need more than, say three? Unless you have a million pencils and pens? I'm not really a house-y kind of person (I make the doilies because I like working with thread). The best decorations I have are cat fur and decorative beer bottles (read: bottles I haven't taken back to the store for the five cent return). But I do understand that this sort of thing appeals to some people, so I can let a few kitchy patterns go per issue. However, this issue is dominated with them as well as children things, and that I cannot abide.
Another thing you should know is that I am not a fan of children. Yes, I know I am evil and heartless and blah-blah-blah. I find children neither cute, endearing, or adorable. They are mainly annoying. If it appears difficult enough, I will hazard to make a piece of child clothing or blanket (which is my current project) but those I can give to charity when I am done. Also, I understand that children's items often make appearances in these magazines, so I don't sweat it if I see them. A few is okay. When half the issue is them, then, however, I become perturbed. But I'll get to that later.
There's a thing on being more eco-friendly in this issue, which is cool in and of itself, and one of the 'patterns' is for turning an old shirt into something modern. That's fine. I want to do something similar to one of my Green Lantern shirts, but give it some short sleeves instead of a neckline.
Then we have tiny little bowls or 'pots' in the shape of acorns. This look cute, although incredibly small so I couldn't actually use them to store anything. This is also a pattern that I could finish in about an hour, and I, personally, like to get a bit more bang for my buck than that.
Dish cloths. I have never seen the point to crochet a dishcloth. They just seem more flimsy and ineffectual than the usual, and more of an item to display than one of functionality. I could be wrong of course, but I have no desire to be proven otherwise by making one.
An easily constructed bag. I have no interest in these, but at least I see the value. And I see bags frequently in craft magazines, anyhow. In this issue there is also a tunic which, although it has a turtle neck and is made of a DK weight bamboo wool, has short sleeves and full of holes. Is it supposed to keep me warm or what? I would assume warm, as it's for fall, but aside from the neck and the heavy yarn, I don't see how it's accomplishing that. Also, there is an ugly capelet. I'll leave it at that.
There's a throw out of granny motifs, and later on one done in waves, with both zig-zags and multiple colors. It would be okay if not for the front post stitch it uses. The last throw of the mag is a small afghan, made in stripes. Supposedly you can make it in your school's colors to show some school spirit. It's so easy that even a teenager on meth can do it! Yay! If they weren't out being so busy studying and reading them books, like the girl in the picture. Because that's what they all do, don't cha know. This would be better suited for someone in college, who might actually give a damn about their school, or an alumni. However I would be bored senseless with something of this size, and would prefer to turn it into a scarf. There's also a tiny child's blanket that is so small it might just be a large handkerchief. It might be cute to wipe up a baby's spittle, I suppose.
Now we have perhaps one of the dumbfounded things I have ever seen. Little doilies for rocks. See, you make a tiny doily, and then use it to cover a rock with. Go out to your backyard and grab one from the ground kind of rock. And then you stick it in your house as a decoration. If you have kids, this is something that sounds like the perfect item to play with a break a window. If you don't have kids it just sounds... retarded? I would have preferred a rock lobster.
There's a beret which doesn't look too bad, and which I might even have wanted to make for cancer patients, except it's classified as 'too damn easy for me to bother with.' I'm a snob about simple patterns, I know.
And... we get to the 'school' section. So far, all the patterns have been all over the place regarding uselessfullness, and it doesn't get any better. We start off with that alarm clock from the cover, and progress onto a child's cardigan and vest. The cardigan doesn't look terribly bad, but we all know my propensity for children's patterns, so let's move on.
We have a scarf that looks more like it's supposed to be for a rodeo (albeit a girly rodeo) than for warmth. At least its clothing on an adult model. Granted, I have no desire to make this scarf...
A pencil case. Or, you can put your dildo in it. Not, in any way, my cup of tea. Similar to the can covers from the beginning. I guess someone out there likes this stuff, but I would sooner put my writing utensils in a drawer of the house.
Then we have a Halloween section, begun with a candy basket, so you can make a basket that won't match what your kid wants to be this year, and so that he/she can get their sticky hands all over what you have spent hours creating. However, if you make it small enough, you can limit the amount of time you spend escorting your kid around that night, and the amount of sugar they'll get. I always went for the pillow cases myself. Tried and true. Handles never broke, no pieces of candy ever fell out, and was big enough that I was able to get a nice haul at the end of it.
We also have 'crafty disguises' which I think is the worst thing in this mag, perhaps worse than the doily rocks. A little crochet mask and some moustaches. Because taping them to your kid's upper lip always keeps them on for the entire night, and using glue never hurts when taking them off. Also, so your kid can be Cheech or Chong! Yay! I can toast to that. But seriously. Would this take longer than ten minutes to make? I really don't see the value in this at all. Keeping it on would take more effort than actually making it.
We also have some kid's hats that you might only be able to convince your kid to wear that one night. Probably not. Also, I see that they're fairly holey, so I don't know how warm they'd be. October got to be damn cold where I came from, but if you want to chance your kid getting a draft, go for it.
So, anyhow, that is my interpretation of this issue. Nothing that I would even want to make for charity. I might take an hour and make the beret, because it was the only nice thing in the issue, my only fault being I could do it in my sleep. Had I not a subscription, I most assuredly would not be taking this issue home with me.