argh
Good thing few people use LJ anymore. Yesterday morning we ended up in a screaming match with me talking and crying to my sister on the drive to work. I took a lorazepam to try to calm down. The screaming is bad for poor cats. I realized yesterday we had a crappy marriage/relationship to begin with after about year 7...at the time of his esophageal cancer. We had become more like room-mates. No affectionate moves (no sex, which I didn't need and/or want). Now my new normal is like living with a crazy, angry person. I do not LIKE version 2. I don't understand version 2. The only thing I know right now is that if I had a choice, I'd be walking away. My future does not look bright. I'm praying he will be able to get back into some kind of cognitive rehab therapy and get angry issues down. He says that I'm always yelling at him and it's true, because well, we have ZERO communication skills and BS (before stroke) we would yell at each other, but not in the mean and hurtful ways that now occur.
Ice storm coming through STL and I was ready to go in to work...it wasn't supposed to hit until noon, but he threw such a fit about safety and getting stuck across the river, I called off and I'm not even sure how ba it is because for the past 2-1/2 hours I've been at the computer instead of upstairs with him. We went to the laundromat to get clothes washed since the washer is broken. Carrying two hampers of clothes up the stairs is difficult. I had some of my things on top of his in the hamper, but took them and put them away and then asked him about his..."I can't get mine UNTIL you get yours out of there..." I told him I had, but he says in a voice that tells me I'm yelling. It's not going to be an easy weekend that's for sure. I think I'm going to plan to check into a nice motel next weekend and just lie like broccoli (a line from which movie?)
My new normal just sucks!
Ice storm coming through STL and I was ready to go in to work...it wasn't supposed to hit until noon, but he threw such a fit about safety and getting stuck across the river, I called off and I'm not even sure how ba it is because for the past 2-1/2 hours I've been at the computer instead of upstairs with him. We went to the laundromat to get clothes washed since the washer is broken. Carrying two hampers of clothes up the stairs is difficult. I had some of my things on top of his in the hamper, but took them and put them away and then asked him about his..."I can't get mine UNTIL you get yours out of there..." I told him I had, but he says in a voice that tells me I'm yelling. It's not going to be an easy weekend that's for sure. I think I'm going to plan to check into a nice motel next weekend and just lie like broccoli (a line from which movie?)
My new normal just sucks!