Half-Blood Prince Uberwank: Chapter 1, The Other Minister

[fera_festiva]

Right, here we go then.

If you thought things had changed,
Friend, you'd better think again.
Bluntly put, in the fewest of words:
Cunts are still running the world.

- Jarvis Cocker, "Running the World"

Usual warnings apply: strong language (see above), ranting, politics, my thoughts on yaoi etc etc.

Comments

[vickythefluffy]

TOP NOTCH. First off, I totally agree about JKR being awdully crud at furst chapters. Either she does that "WHOAAA HARRY POTTER IS MAGIC!" thing, as you say, or she just makes them painfully dull and slightly irrelevent. I mean, I don't think I've ever read the first chapter of Goblet of Fire in full; it was too boring.

Secondly, I LOLed at a lot, but I particularly enjoyed if I have to hear the phrase "Are you fucking serious?" "Did last night, LOL" one more time I am going to go crazy with a hammer in a shopping centre and Well, at least she's allowed Ron to move on from making "Uranus" jokes

Third point! I can totally see Kingsley with a Mean-Girls-style business card with his name and underneath: "Professional badass."

And fourth is random but my brother applied for MI5, which is not as badass, but he kept saying "I can't tell you" when I asked him stuff. I pointed out his mistake in that he should've said "If I told you that, I'm afraid I'd have to kill you." Aahhh simple pleasures.

Ahem, yes, anyway. Boring chapter is boring, but you did it. And you did it quoting Jarvis! :D

[fera_festiva]

*Bounces* Thank you darlin'!

I don't think I've ever read the first chapter of Goblet of Fire in full; it was too boring

It's funny you say that, because that's the only one I can think of that does have any action in it. I remember feeling oddly shocked that it wasn't from Harry's POV when I read it. I do see what you mean, though, now I think of it - it's about an old man taking half an hour to walk up the stairs, isn't it? :D

my brother applied for MI5

Won't he have to kill you now you've told me that? And me. And everyone who might read... my god. What have you done.

[vickythefluffy]

I don't know about that first chapter... I appreciated the OOH PLOTTING rather than the LOL IM MAGIC, but yeah, I didn't entirely care for the trundling old fool that replaced... well, the slightly-younger fool.

LOL, whoops. He's too stupid to get in anyway, I doubt it matters. Plus, I doubt that he'd get hunted down by your band of "angry loners", not even if his spy-code-name-thing was like siblingthefluffy or something preposterous like that.