Star Trek "The Omega Glory"
What. The. Hell. That was the *stupidest* thing I've seen in a really long time. I was moaning in pain the entire second half because it makes. no. sense. Ow, my braaaain.
Okay so apparently those aliens that were mentioned once who like to take samples from cultures they like and seed them on a new planet? They've been VERY BUSY. We had the Planet of the Children, we have this planet, and I'm sure there are other annoying Earth-culture planets out there. (Who knows about the cloud planet. They sure *looked* human.)
But *this* planet is the planet of the post-biological warfare America and China. Complete with American flag. Their names are *Yangs* and *Koms*. ::scrubs forehead:: I know!
And the Yangs speak English (like everyone else in the galaxy). The Chinese speak some other language. But the Yangs speak English! Except when they recite (or maybe read, although I'm doubtful they can read) the Sacred Words of the Pledge of Allegiance. Then they speak like Jodie Foster as Nell language. So maybe they're really speaking something different all the time and our universal translators (I HOPE?) are translating it, but only the stuff they chant has no meaning for them other than a bunch of syllables, so the translator can't translate it? OMG even massive retconning can't save this episode. (Although Kirk and Spock tied up and beat up and in jail was. Yeah. More of that might have saved it.)
And Spock! There are a couple of darling K/S moments. But randomly, for the climax of the episode, Spock the touch telepath saves the day by becoming like a vampire with a hypnotic gaze and mesmerizing this tribal girl across the room into opening the communicator. ::CRIES::
So the Yangs kill off all the Chinese (uh, maybe only all the Chinese in the area), and now they have back their land! (That makes even less sense on a random planet like this.) And Kirk makes a big deal about the Yangs living like Indians, as if when he says "his ancestors," he doesn't include the tribal cultures of Europe. And then Kirk makes this big dramatic reading of the Preamble. Yes, the *Preamble*, set to stirring, patriotic music. It's seriously just as bad as it sounds. They even sample the anthem when the flag comes out. Oh, God. So Kirk opens up their arc of the Sacred Papers. Which has a very good copy of the original Constitution. And just - paper. Surviving for thousands of years. In a box. In a *nomadic tribal culture*. And he explains kind of what the Preamble means really. He basically translates it, I suppose, since they have no idea what they've been reciting all this time, and he makes a point to say that they should include the Koms, which, whatever. Okay, yes, communists are people too. And then the Yang leader is like "I don't understand completely, but I swear that we will follow the sacred words." And Kirk is happy! But they still have *no idea* what it means. How are they going to follow it?
This whole episode is about conflicts with the Prime Directive, which Kirk totally breaks with this whole explanation. But he excuses himself by saying he was just telling them what they were fighting for. First of all, he shouldn't justify their fighting because 1. their fighting is stupid and 2. they might continue fighting now and alter their development path. And second of all, what the FUCK does the Preamble have to do with some tribal squabbling over land? The Koms had a peaceful village, and the Yangs sacked it. The Koms were killing Yangs to defend themselves, but I bet anything that the conflict was a simple matter of limited natural resources. This was such a local battle, albeit a large one, and it's not like we got any sense of the *planet* or the population distribution and OH MY GOD I'M TALKING LIKE THIS ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE.
Seriously. Star Trek. This isn't *Sliders*. You don't get to keep revisiting the if-onlies of Earth history so exactly. How about, oh, exploring a planet full of *aliens* for a change? Who *writes* these things anyway? God.
Okay so apparently those aliens that were mentioned once who like to take samples from cultures they like and seed them on a new planet? They've been VERY BUSY. We had the Planet of the Children, we have this planet, and I'm sure there are other annoying Earth-culture planets out there. (Who knows about the cloud planet. They sure *looked* human.)
But *this* planet is the planet of the post-biological warfare America and China. Complete with American flag. Their names are *Yangs* and *Koms*. ::scrubs forehead:: I know!
And the Yangs speak English (like everyone else in the galaxy). The Chinese speak some other language. But the Yangs speak English! Except when they recite (or maybe read, although I'm doubtful they can read) the Sacred Words of the Pledge of Allegiance. Then they speak like Jodie Foster as Nell language. So maybe they're really speaking something different all the time and our universal translators (I HOPE?) are translating it, but only the stuff they chant has no meaning for them other than a bunch of syllables, so the translator can't translate it? OMG even massive retconning can't save this episode. (Although Kirk and Spock tied up and beat up and in jail was. Yeah. More of that might have saved it.)
And Spock! There are a couple of darling K/S moments. But randomly, for the climax of the episode, Spock the touch telepath saves the day by becoming like a vampire with a hypnotic gaze and mesmerizing this tribal girl across the room into opening the communicator. ::CRIES::
So the Yangs kill off all the Chinese (uh, maybe only all the Chinese in the area), and now they have back their land! (That makes even less sense on a random planet like this.) And Kirk makes a big deal about the Yangs living like Indians, as if when he says "his ancestors," he doesn't include the tribal cultures of Europe. And then Kirk makes this big dramatic reading of the Preamble. Yes, the *Preamble*, set to stirring, patriotic music. It's seriously just as bad as it sounds. They even sample the anthem when the flag comes out. Oh, God. So Kirk opens up their arc of the Sacred Papers. Which has a very good copy of the original Constitution. And just - paper. Surviving for thousands of years. In a box. In a *nomadic tribal culture*. And he explains kind of what the Preamble means really. He basically translates it, I suppose, since they have no idea what they've been reciting all this time, and he makes a point to say that they should include the Koms, which, whatever. Okay, yes, communists are people too. And then the Yang leader is like "I don't understand completely, but I swear that we will follow the sacred words." And Kirk is happy! But they still have *no idea* what it means. How are they going to follow it?
This whole episode is about conflicts with the Prime Directive, which Kirk totally breaks with this whole explanation. But he excuses himself by saying he was just telling them what they were fighting for. First of all, he shouldn't justify their fighting because 1. their fighting is stupid and 2. they might continue fighting now and alter their development path. And second of all, what the FUCK does the Preamble have to do with some tribal squabbling over land? The Koms had a peaceful village, and the Yangs sacked it. The Koms were killing Yangs to defend themselves, but I bet anything that the conflict was a simple matter of limited natural resources. This was such a local battle, albeit a large one, and it's not like we got any sense of the *planet* or the population distribution and OH MY GOD I'M TALKING LIKE THIS ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE.
Seriously. Star Trek. This isn't *Sliders*. You don't get to keep revisiting the if-onlies of Earth history so exactly. How about, oh, exploring a planet full of *aliens* for a change? Who *writes* these things anyway? God.