So when the shadows lengthen into an evening sun
So it's been a while since I've posted, I guess. My LJ calendar tells me I've posted once in the past 23 days and even that was two and a half weeks ago. I've drifted in and out of reading my flist the past couple of weeks--mostly out, though, I'll admit--and I've even written a couple of posts that I deleted before posting because they were either boring as hell or ridiculously emo or unsuitably cranky. Be grateful I've not inflicted them on you. cursive and ze_dragon have gotten them instead. Poor boos.
I've been busy with work and writing and some real life things, but, honestly, it's more than that. I've been feeling very avoidant and withdrawn for a lot of reasons. I'm still kind of feeling that way. I suppose some might call it a bout of depression, though I don't really see it that way. I know from depressed and this doesn't feel like that. It's more of a...malaise, I suppose. Just feeling worn out and uneasy in my own skin. The thing is, I'm not so certain that's a bad thing. It's pushed me out of my status quo lately and made me do some serious soul-searching that I've needed to do. It hasn't been easy and I wouldn't say it's been an enjoyable experience. But I think it's been (and continues to be in some ways) necessary. Curiously, some of it's been coming out in the writing I've been doing lately. Which makes me a bit nervous. I'm utterly terrified about my Snarry Games fic going up, to be honest. Although in an amusing twist, I seem to have regained my love of Snape/Harry from writing that story. I've about two or three more bubbling around in the back of my head now.
As for more recent events, I've been confined to the couch since Thursday afternoon due to a severely sprained ankle, and between the pain and the restriction on movement, I've been, well, crankypants. Fortunately I get to go back to work tomorrow, though it's going to be a busy week. Still, distraction=good.
Today, though, well...four years ago on May 18 at about seven in the morning, I found out my dad died. I had my falling apart time earlier this afternoon, but ze_dragon and luciamad were both over some today which cheered me, and now I've tucked it all away for another year. But that doesn't stop me missing him. And that's all I really want to say about that.
I've gotten into Lost lately, slipping in an episode or two before bed here and there over the past few weeks. I'm about two-thirds of the way through the first season (right now I'm at Do No Harm so I've got four left in the season, I think), and good Lord. This show is addictive. I'm actually watching first season and fourth season simultaneously (fourth with Luc when she comes over on Thursdays for Supernatural) and seriously that'll blow your mind. My mantra is I'm so confused, I'm so confused, yay Hurley-Charlie-Jin-Sawyer-Locke-Ben, I'm so confused, I'm so confused. And yet, I can't stop watching because I have to know what the hell is up with that damn island. Dear JJ Abrams, you are evil. Evil I tell you.
And just because I feel like it tonight...here are some songs that for various reasons have some special meaning for me today. Right-click, save-as, and they'll only be up a few days.
It's All Over Now, Baby Blue - Bob Dylan
Oh Lonesome Me - Don Gibson
It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels - Kitty Wells
Amazing Grace - LeAnn Rimes
Give Me More More More Of Your Kisses - Lefty Frizzell
May The Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose - Little Jimmy Dickens
El Paso - Marty Robbins
Mama Tried - Merle Haggard
September When It Comes - Rosanne and Johnny Cash
I've been busy with work and writing and some real life things, but, honestly, it's more than that. I've been feeling very avoidant and withdrawn for a lot of reasons. I'm still kind of feeling that way. I suppose some might call it a bout of depression, though I don't really see it that way. I know from depressed and this doesn't feel like that. It's more of a...malaise, I suppose. Just feeling worn out and uneasy in my own skin. The thing is, I'm not so certain that's a bad thing. It's pushed me out of my status quo lately and made me do some serious soul-searching that I've needed to do. It hasn't been easy and I wouldn't say it's been an enjoyable experience. But I think it's been (and continues to be in some ways) necessary. Curiously, some of it's been coming out in the writing I've been doing lately. Which makes me a bit nervous. I'm utterly terrified about my Snarry Games fic going up, to be honest. Although in an amusing twist, I seem to have regained my love of Snape/Harry from writing that story. I've about two or three more bubbling around in the back of my head now.
As for more recent events, I've been confined to the couch since Thursday afternoon due to a severely sprained ankle, and between the pain and the restriction on movement, I've been, well, crankypants. Fortunately I get to go back to work tomorrow, though it's going to be a busy week. Still, distraction=good.
Today, though, well...four years ago on May 18 at about seven in the morning, I found out my dad died. I had my falling apart time earlier this afternoon, but ze_dragon and luciamad were both over some today which cheered me, and now I've tucked it all away for another year. But that doesn't stop me missing him. And that's all I really want to say about that.
I've gotten into Lost lately, slipping in an episode or two before bed here and there over the past few weeks. I'm about two-thirds of the way through the first season (right now I'm at Do No Harm so I've got four left in the season, I think), and good Lord. This show is addictive. I'm actually watching first season and fourth season simultaneously (fourth with Luc when she comes over on Thursdays for Supernatural) and seriously that'll blow your mind. My mantra is I'm so confused, I'm so confused, yay Hurley-Charlie-Jin-Sawyer-Locke-Ben, I'm so confused, I'm so confused. And yet, I can't stop watching because I have to know what the hell is up with that damn island. Dear JJ Abrams, you are evil. Evil I tell you.
And just because I feel like it tonight...here are some songs that for various reasons have some special meaning for me today. Right-click, save-as, and they'll only be up a few days.
It's All Over Now, Baby Blue - Bob Dylan
Oh Lonesome Me - Don Gibson
It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels - Kitty Wells
Amazing Grace - LeAnn Rimes
Give Me More More More Of Your Kisses - Lefty Frizzell
May The Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose - Little Jimmy Dickens
El Paso - Marty Robbins
Mama Tried - Merle Haggard
September When It Comes - Rosanne and Johnny Cash