Update on My Crazy Life and Condo Decorating
This man in my complex has been stalking me. I had him arrested the other night. I had told him to leave me alone and instead he bought me candy, flowers and wrote me another letter. There have been four letters so far some of them sexual some of them just insane. I won't say too much because this will probably be going to court. I'm pressing charges. He is going to jail, a mental institution or a nursing home. I don't care which but I want him OFF THE STREETS and OUT OF THIS CONDO COMPLEX. Bye Bye. Not going to stop till he's out of here. Going to push, push and push till they put him away. I'm not the first person he has done this to so it has got to end here before it escalates and he really hurts someone.
I called the condo manager to let her know what is going on and she seems very much concerned and non-judgmental about the whole thing so that was a relief.
It feels very surreal. I sometimes think that this is NOT my life. This is some TV show. I'm going to blink and everything will go back to "normal". "Normal" meaning "boring" and without drama, but it has been a long time since I can remember my life being that way. Lately there is always something going on that makes me stressed out.
Let me make things clear: I love my condo. I LOOOVE my condo. I worked really hard to get it. I cried, sweated, freaked out during the buying process for this place. Giving it up would make it all seem in vain. Suffice to say, I don't want to move. Yet, I despise my neighbors (quite a few of them) and I hope they don't force me to sell.
I love the pool and laying out in the sun in the summer in my bikini with a smoothie and a book. I love sitting out on my balcony with a cup of coffee and a crepe.
I love having a herb garden on my balcony in the springs and summers. The smell of rosemary and basil on the breeze while watching butterflies flitter about the flowers in the courtyard is soothing.
I love having flowers and ivy hanging from my balcony. I love watering them and watching them grow. Nurturing them like little children.
I love my little kitchen with it's gorgeous appliances I bought. I love my cathedral ceilings. I love s'mores I make with the fireplace on those rare nights it drops into the 30s. I love my walk-in closet!
There are things about this complex and the location that I do not want to give up.
I love this place. I really do. I love my little condo so much, I'm investing a little cash into it now. I'm fixing up the place. New paint. New colors. I'm recreating the atmosphere..
I've thrown away the Gothy trappings. I want nothing to do with that scene, look, idea, feeling etc ever again. It's just too icky for me. I no longer even enjoy the music so much because it's all wrapped up in the ickyness that remember from the people in the scene.
Before, I was doing the whole place in Black and White and Silver. I even had bats here and there.
Goth Girl. I kind of embraced that. A friend even used to call me the the "Gothic Martha Stewart". I enjoyed this kind of home-making with a little dark edge to it. Ok. Not a little dark edge...a dark edge period.
My bathroom was in "Baroque" but to tell the truth since the tub, sink and toilet were Bisque colored, the black and white was truly not working. It was almost ridiculous looking. At least it was in my opinion. But I was in total denial because I wanted black, white and silver so badly.
All the walls are a pinky-beige. In the entire condo it's painted a color called "Iconic Column". It gives the room a warm glow but it has darkening effect. I never imagined beige could darken a room but it just has to be that pink undertone that's causing it. In the pictures here of my bathroom, I think you can see what I mean...
This place is too small for warm colors. Period. It encloses it. It makes it more cave-like and when we are talking about 884 sq. ft., that's the last thing one wants.
At night and in the early morning, this place is DARK. There is not a sense of serenity. There is a sense of being entombed even.
I suppose once upon a time I liked this part of it. But not so much anymore. I don't like this feeling at all.
Given recent events where I'm watching every move I make and I'm a little bit of a shut-in because I'm avoiding running into stalker-man, I'm not liking this feeling of being in a cave.
The old decor with it's pinky-beige and warm tones only adds to the since of losing my freedom.
There is no sense of openness that I seek. I've gone from running indoors on the treadmill to running in the great outdoors. I've gone from wanting to be safe from the world to wanting to be free to run about in it.
I want run, bike, swim, explore, trek-about. I don't want to be trapped in a cave.
I want my freedom. I want to be healthy physically, mentally and emotionally.
I want to throw my mountain bike in the back of my little hatchback and go riding on the Rails to Trails on the Northshore again. Go for a picnic at the drop of pin because I feel like it.
I rather miss all this freedom I once possessed. Right now, I'm waiting to see what is going to happen. I call my mother, father or friend before leaving the condo to my car so they can call the police if something happens to me while I'm trying to get in the car. There is not enough time to "throw the bike in the hatchback". I have to take the wheel off the bike and fold down the seats etc. That takes too long and HE can catch up to me in that time...
I have to get home before it's dark or have someone follow me home to make sure I got inside safely. My alarm system is constantly armed. Either in "Stay" mode when I'm home or "Away" mode when I am at work. I do my shopping on my lunch hours because by the time I get off work it is dark...
I cannot do what I want. I cannot go where I want. I cannot run outside. I cannot go biking. I cannot be out at night even.
Right now. I'm imprisoned. I'm not the one that did something wrong but I'm the one being punished.
* Pictures of the new decor to come. *
I called the condo manager to let her know what is going on and she seems very much concerned and non-judgmental about the whole thing so that was a relief.
It feels very surreal. I sometimes think that this is NOT my life. This is some TV show. I'm going to blink and everything will go back to "normal". "Normal" meaning "boring" and without drama, but it has been a long time since I can remember my life being that way. Lately there is always something going on that makes me stressed out.
Let me make things clear: I love my condo. I LOOOVE my condo. I worked really hard to get it. I cried, sweated, freaked out during the buying process for this place. Giving it up would make it all seem in vain. Suffice to say, I don't want to move. Yet, I despise my neighbors (quite a few of them) and I hope they don't force me to sell.
I love the pool and laying out in the sun in the summer in my bikini with a smoothie and a book. I love sitting out on my balcony with a cup of coffee and a crepe.
I love having a herb garden on my balcony in the springs and summers. The smell of rosemary and basil on the breeze while watching butterflies flitter about the flowers in the courtyard is soothing.
I love having flowers and ivy hanging from my balcony. I love watering them and watching them grow. Nurturing them like little children.
I love my little kitchen with it's gorgeous appliances I bought. I love my cathedral ceilings. I love s'mores I make with the fireplace on those rare nights it drops into the 30s. I love my walk-in closet!
There are things about this complex and the location that I do not want to give up.
I love this place. I really do. I love my little condo so much, I'm investing a little cash into it now. I'm fixing up the place. New paint. New colors. I'm recreating the atmosphere..
I've thrown away the Gothy trappings. I want nothing to do with that scene, look, idea, feeling etc ever again. It's just too icky for me. I no longer even enjoy the music so much because it's all wrapped up in the ickyness that remember from the people in the scene.
Before, I was doing the whole place in Black and White and Silver. I even had bats here and there.
Goth Girl. I kind of embraced that. A friend even used to call me the the "Gothic Martha Stewart". I enjoyed this kind of home-making with a little dark edge to it. Ok. Not a little dark edge...a dark edge period.
My bathroom was in "Baroque" but to tell the truth since the tub, sink and toilet were Bisque colored, the black and white was truly not working. It was almost ridiculous looking. At least it was in my opinion. But I was in total denial because I wanted black, white and silver so badly.
All the walls are a pinky-beige. In the entire condo it's painted a color called "Iconic Column". It gives the room a warm glow but it has darkening effect. I never imagined beige could darken a room but it just has to be that pink undertone that's causing it. In the pictures here of my bathroom, I think you can see what I mean...
This place is too small for warm colors. Period. It encloses it. It makes it more cave-like and when we are talking about 884 sq. ft., that's the last thing one wants.
At night and in the early morning, this place is DARK. There is not a sense of serenity. There is a sense of being entombed even.
I suppose once upon a time I liked this part of it. But not so much anymore. I don't like this feeling at all.
Given recent events where I'm watching every move I make and I'm a little bit of a shut-in because I'm avoiding running into stalker-man, I'm not liking this feeling of being in a cave.
The old decor with it's pinky-beige and warm tones only adds to the since of losing my freedom.
There is no sense of openness that I seek. I've gone from running indoors on the treadmill to running in the great outdoors. I've gone from wanting to be safe from the world to wanting to be free to run about in it.
I want run, bike, swim, explore, trek-about. I don't want to be trapped in a cave.
I want my freedom. I want to be healthy physically, mentally and emotionally.
I want to throw my mountain bike in the back of my little hatchback and go riding on the Rails to Trails on the Northshore again. Go for a picnic at the drop of pin because I feel like it.
I rather miss all this freedom I once possessed. Right now, I'm waiting to see what is going to happen. I call my mother, father or friend before leaving the condo to my car so they can call the police if something happens to me while I'm trying to get in the car. There is not enough time to "throw the bike in the hatchback". I have to take the wheel off the bike and fold down the seats etc. That takes too long and HE can catch up to me in that time...
I have to get home before it's dark or have someone follow me home to make sure I got inside safely. My alarm system is constantly armed. Either in "Stay" mode when I'm home or "Away" mode when I am at work. I do my shopping on my lunch hours because by the time I get off work it is dark...
I cannot do what I want. I cannot go where I want. I cannot run outside. I cannot go biking. I cannot be out at night even.
Right now. I'm imprisoned. I'm not the one that did something wrong but I'm the one being punished.
* Pictures of the new decor to come. *