"Non Violent" Rape?!?!

[blue_lorelei]

So a friend's friend on LJ made a post about how you can look up sexual offenders in your zip code and he remarked that there were a LOT in his zip code area. He lives right next to a very large college campus, and one of his LJ friends left this comment

Comments

[blahthequah]

while I agree with you, it seems to me he was trying to differiate between date rapes that happen on college campuses (alcohol, rufies, dorm rooms) which are indeed frighteningly common and any other sort of rape, perhaps one that may occur off-campus and not specifically involve a date-type setting

[blue_lorelei]

She.
And I offered her a "Stranger Rape" suggestion, and instead of saying "Yes, Stranger Rape, as opposed to Date-Rape" she said "I meant physcially violent rape."
It boggled my mind.

[blahthequah]

aside from the fact that rape is rarely stranger rape, i think (and I hope) we are all on the same page.

and yet, people have some very strange ideas about rape.

moral of the story: women and men on and near college campuses should be especially vigilant

[blue_lorelei]

You're right, stranger rape is rare in comparison to aquaintance rape. I think that's one of the worst things is that it's someone you know, and you dont even realize that you cant trust them. They offer to walk you back to your dorm room because you're tipsy after a party and then they rape you, and what can you say?
You were drunk, so people just play it off as "She got drunk and they had sex, and now she regrets it" instead of the situation that it really was.

I long for the day that we, men and women, can stop being afriad of that sort of thing.

My town has a high gay population, and there are a LOT of rapes going on because of that, too. It's disturbing. I've read in the paper about gay men being overpowered and raped by angry straight men, and about lesbians being raped by guys who wanted to date them, or even by their own enraged family members.
It's horrible.

[blahthequah]

oh it was quite terrible. i was raped at my boarding school by a staff member for being gay.

on the note of date rape, its an interesting phenomenon, especially when view in light of the backlash against women and how some women use sex

[blue_lorelei]

I'm an extremely sorry to hear that. I cant even imagine how terrifying that would have been...

In my younger days I wasnt assertive enough with boyfriends and was sexually molested once, and raped a few times, but I never bothered to tell anyone because I thought it was my own fault for not defending myself. Retrospecitvely, I shouldnt have had to defend myself -- they were all much larger than I was, and I was very serious and vocal in my objections.

I certainly aknowlege different "levels" of rape. I would personally consider your rape experience to be more violent and serious than mine, as I was in relationships with the offenders and did nothing after the attacks to change my circumstances. Even knowing that they shouldnt have done that to me, I to-this-day feel that my inaction kind of made it "my fault."

However, and I cant say how you *felt* or *feel* about your experience, but I would say (and I believe, rightly) that it was in no way your fault.

[blue_lorelei]

Sorry for rambling like that.

[blahthequah]

its okay, ive quite gotten over everything that happened

[blue_lorelei]

I'm glad.
I think I'm not quite over it, as I still have some sex+relationship issues, and I still blame myself for not being assertive.
But I dont date agressive guys anymore.

[blahthequah]

well thats good.

[sylviaplath2005]

yes I knew that myself, in my all girls high schools they taught us that most rapes are acquaintance rape. That statistic really surprised me.

[blue_lorelei]

Yeah, you never want to think that someone who knows you
1.) thinks they have the right to force themselves on you
2.) thinks they have the right to do that to ANYONE

I mean, it's not like we'd be friends with anyone who we thought could/would be a rapist.

[rocketgeek]

Well, rape doesn't have to involve physical force or direct threat thereof, and I suspect she may have been referring to rapes that lack that element.

[blue_lorelei]

Well, I've already stated my position that "shoving something unwanted into someone else's body is a violent act."

[brainmuffin]

Yes. That's exactly the problem.