(no subject)
INT-PARTY- NIGHT
A smashed girl in a tiara, GEORGIA, slouches on a couch. A guy, RUBEN, takes a seat next to her.
R: Hey, aren't you Princess Georgia?
G: No.
R: Yeah, you are! You're wearing the royal crown and everything!
G: No I'm not.
R: I was in your class in elementary school. Remember? Cadbury prep?
awkward silence as she stares at him
R: You used to copy off my notes because you were rubbish at mathematics!
G: You're rubbish at mathematics. Is there grass on your face?
R: No.
G: There's grass growing on your face. You should mow your lawn. It's dirty.
R: Here, feel my face, there's no grass on it.
She covers his face with both hands, liberally exploring it.
G: I'm Helen Keller! I'm a cunt!
R: Ok, that's not even what she sounded like
G: Arrrghgghhgiiimmmyppeeegggurrrraaaaa
R struggles away from her. She continues to giggle.
G: Would you like to get high?
She hands him a bong. He sighs.
R: Sure.
Opening Credits
TV SCREEN- NEWS CHANNEL 8
A FEMALE REPORTER stands in front of the gateway to a storybook kingdom.
The storybook land of Misty Wither Kingdom has been claimed as the property of Stark Enterprises Conglomerate, who also own our news station. Stark Enterprises, when you're in the cold, all alone, Stark will come and find you. And send you past due bill reminders.
Royal subjects and elves and dragons walk out of the kingdom, dejected.
Now the rest of us will have to wait and see how our storybook neighbors will fare in the real world.
We PULL AWAY to reveal that the news has been playing in Georgia's party. HUGH, an academic scruffy guy, turns the channel to a history documentary.
Hugh: This storybook breakout shit is total bullshit. Like that Princess Georgia, she's totally expecting special treatment, the way she wears her tiara all the time, and the rest of us fuckin worked our asses off to get in! I bet she can't even tell the difference between the Holocaust and--
Georgia is standing feet away from him, listening to every word.
Georgia: Excuse me, but the Holocaust is when all the Jews died. Pity you weren't there to enjoy the gas chambers.
Hugh is flummoxed, but intent on making his point.
Hugh: Well, what's so great about you that you got into Bennet without so much as an interview?
Georgia: I got a 1600 on my SATs without magic, and my extracurriculars include fencing and crafting pottery with elves. And I can do a really good imitation of Kim Jong Il.
She pulls up her shirt, revealing giant googly eyes covering her nipples, with diagonal slits drawn up the sides in glitter. She squeezes her belly fat with her hands to imitate a talking mouth
Georgia (bad asian accent): I am a dictator! I am dead now! My face looks like a pig mated with jowl-y bagguettes! Mahahahha
She walks away, pleased with herself. The group looks nonplussed.
Georgia Talking Head: I have watched many teen movies in preparation for my arrival at a regular American college. I have realized that exposing breasts and getting drunk are the surest ways of fitting in! Plus I love googly eyes!
She takes down her tiara to reveal that it too has been adorned with googly eyes.
Georgia (in falsetto british accent): Hello, Georgia, my you are looking beautiful and kind and generous and gorgeous today!
(reverting to regular voice) Oh, you are too much.
She pets her tiara and kisses it affectionately.
INT-LIBRARY-DAY
Prince NEAL is standing alone in the bookshelves, looking cautiously out at a group of handsome SWIMMERS studying. He sees the camera and blanches.
NEAL (whispering): Hi there! Hello! What are you doing here? I was just looking for a book! He pulls one out, titled STONEWALL: A HISTORY OF GAY RIGHTS.
Oh silly me, not that one.
He pulls out another, titled, 'BLOW JOBS AND BUTTHOLES'. He slowly slides it back in the shelf.
PRINCE NEAL TALKING HEAD
Hello! I am Neal, Georgia's twin brother, and I am a freshman now at Bennet University. I'm so lucky to be here, I've never been surrounded by so many guys- and girls! So many humans! Humans walking around... uhhh
The camera pans to reveal two BOYS avidly making out against the glass window partition of the interview room.
Neal: Yeah...
CLASSROOM- DAY
Hugh and Georgia sit rows apart from each other, raptly listening to the professor.
PROFESSOR: And when the blah blah blah
HUGH: Excuse me professor, but might I add that while this and this, I am talking to hear the sound of my own voice
GEORGIA: Excuse me, but I'm not going 50,000 into debt to hear you listen to yourself talk.
The professor, looking relieved, continues with his lecture. Hugh glares at Georgia, who smiles back.
HUGH: Yeah, I'd have to say that I'm not a big fan of this 'Princess Protection Program' or whatever they're trying to dub it. The dragons are ruining the zoos, the kings are rubbish at computer work--
INT-CORPORATE CUBICLE-DAY
Georgia's father, DALE, examines a computer screen.
Aha! Google, you scallywagon! Typing in concentration:
'Fetch me my royal abacus'
Google screen pops up. 'Did you mean 'I am a lazy fuckwit?'
BACK TO TALKING HEAD
And these royalty people are just ruining everyone's concentration! Gallivating in with their fancy clothes
CUT TO
EXT- SCHOOL GROUNDS- DAY
Hugh is standing in a circle with some FRIENDS. His attention is diverted by GEORGIA, talking to a handsome CO-ED.
HUGH: I mean really, who do they think they are? Am I the only one who is against this? Really? The only one? The camera nods yes.
INT-DORM-NIGHT
Georgia is laying on her bed in PJs, reading a storybook about MISTY WITHER KINGDOM. She tenderly fingers the pages.
LATER
She falls asleep with the book on her stomach.
INT- GYM- DAY
Neal is doing lunges in his royal pantaloons.
INT- GYM LOCKER ROOM- DAY
Neal is getting changed, looking overwhelmed by the sheer number of shirtless, sweaty guys getting changed. A guy in a pink shirt, FRANKIE, stands just outside his locker.
FRANKIE: Hey there.
NEAL: Whoa! Hello! How do you do?
FRANKIE: I'm Frankie. Pleasure I see you're just getting out of your shell.
Pan down to reveal an erection peeking through Neal's towel.
NEAL: Uh, um, what are you, I don't know--
FRANKIE: It's okay. I started out exactly where you are. And now, I cordially invite you to the first Rainbow Alliance party of the school year!
He hands him a pink sheet of paper.
Neal: Wow I love rainbows!
Frankie: I'm sure you do. I'll see ya there, kiddo.
Neal looks at the paper, looks at the camera, and does a little dance.
Georgia and her roommate, KATIE, are pregaming in their dorm room.
A smashed girl in a tiara, GEORGIA, slouches on a couch. A guy, RUBEN, takes a seat next to her.
R: Hey, aren't you Princess Georgia?
G: No.
R: Yeah, you are! You're wearing the royal crown and everything!
G: No I'm not.
R: I was in your class in elementary school. Remember? Cadbury prep?
awkward silence as she stares at him
R: You used to copy off my notes because you were rubbish at mathematics!
G: You're rubbish at mathematics. Is there grass on your face?
R: No.
G: There's grass growing on your face. You should mow your lawn. It's dirty.
R: Here, feel my face, there's no grass on it.
She covers his face with both hands, liberally exploring it.
G: I'm Helen Keller! I'm a cunt!
R: Ok, that's not even what she sounded like
G: Arrrghgghhgiiimmmyppeeegggurrrraaaaa
R struggles away from her. She continues to giggle.
G: Would you like to get high?
She hands him a bong. He sighs.
R: Sure.
Opening Credits
TV SCREEN- NEWS CHANNEL 8
A FEMALE REPORTER stands in front of the gateway to a storybook kingdom.
The storybook land of Misty Wither Kingdom has been claimed as the property of Stark Enterprises Conglomerate, who also own our news station. Stark Enterprises, when you're in the cold, all alone, Stark will come and find you. And send you past due bill reminders.
Royal subjects and elves and dragons walk out of the kingdom, dejected.
Now the rest of us will have to wait and see how our storybook neighbors will fare in the real world.
We PULL AWAY to reveal that the news has been playing in Georgia's party. HUGH, an academic scruffy guy, turns the channel to a history documentary.
Hugh: This storybook breakout shit is total bullshit. Like that Princess Georgia, she's totally expecting special treatment, the way she wears her tiara all the time, and the rest of us fuckin worked our asses off to get in! I bet she can't even tell the difference between the Holocaust and--
Georgia is standing feet away from him, listening to every word.
Georgia: Excuse me, but the Holocaust is when all the Jews died. Pity you weren't there to enjoy the gas chambers.
Hugh is flummoxed, but intent on making his point.
Hugh: Well, what's so great about you that you got into Bennet without so much as an interview?
Georgia: I got a 1600 on my SATs without magic, and my extracurriculars include fencing and crafting pottery with elves. And I can do a really good imitation of Kim Jong Il.
She pulls up her shirt, revealing giant googly eyes covering her nipples, with diagonal slits drawn up the sides in glitter. She squeezes her belly fat with her hands to imitate a talking mouth
Georgia (bad asian accent): I am a dictator! I am dead now! My face looks like a pig mated with jowl-y bagguettes! Mahahahha
She walks away, pleased with herself. The group looks nonplussed.
Georgia Talking Head: I have watched many teen movies in preparation for my arrival at a regular American college. I have realized that exposing breasts and getting drunk are the surest ways of fitting in! Plus I love googly eyes!
She takes down her tiara to reveal that it too has been adorned with googly eyes.
Georgia (in falsetto british accent): Hello, Georgia, my you are looking beautiful and kind and generous and gorgeous today!
(reverting to regular voice) Oh, you are too much.
She pets her tiara and kisses it affectionately.
INT-LIBRARY-DAY
Prince NEAL is standing alone in the bookshelves, looking cautiously out at a group of handsome SWIMMERS studying. He sees the camera and blanches.
NEAL (whispering): Hi there! Hello! What are you doing here? I was just looking for a book! He pulls one out, titled STONEWALL: A HISTORY OF GAY RIGHTS.
Oh silly me, not that one.
He pulls out another, titled, 'BLOW JOBS AND BUTTHOLES'. He slowly slides it back in the shelf.
PRINCE NEAL TALKING HEAD
Hello! I am Neal, Georgia's twin brother, and I am a freshman now at Bennet University. I'm so lucky to be here, I've never been surrounded by so many guys- and girls! So many humans! Humans walking around... uhhh
The camera pans to reveal two BOYS avidly making out against the glass window partition of the interview room.
Neal: Yeah...
CLASSROOM- DAY
Hugh and Georgia sit rows apart from each other, raptly listening to the professor.
PROFESSOR: And when the blah blah blah
HUGH: Excuse me professor, but might I add that while this and this, I am talking to hear the sound of my own voice
GEORGIA: Excuse me, but I'm not going 50,000 into debt to hear you listen to yourself talk.
The professor, looking relieved, continues with his lecture. Hugh glares at Georgia, who smiles back.
HUGH: Yeah, I'd have to say that I'm not a big fan of this 'Princess Protection Program' or whatever they're trying to dub it. The dragons are ruining the zoos, the kings are rubbish at computer work--
INT-CORPORATE CUBICLE-DAY
Georgia's father, DALE, examines a computer screen.
Aha! Google, you scallywagon! Typing in concentration:
'Fetch me my royal abacus'
Google screen pops up. 'Did you mean 'I am a lazy fuckwit?'
BACK TO TALKING HEAD
And these royalty people are just ruining everyone's concentration! Gallivating in with their fancy clothes
CUT TO
EXT- SCHOOL GROUNDS- DAY
Hugh is standing in a circle with some FRIENDS. His attention is diverted by GEORGIA, talking to a handsome CO-ED.
HUGH: I mean really, who do they think they are? Am I the only one who is against this? Really? The only one? The camera nods yes.
INT-DORM-NIGHT
Georgia is laying on her bed in PJs, reading a storybook about MISTY WITHER KINGDOM. She tenderly fingers the pages.
LATER
She falls asleep with the book on her stomach.
INT- GYM- DAY
Neal is doing lunges in his royal pantaloons.
INT- GYM LOCKER ROOM- DAY
Neal is getting changed, looking overwhelmed by the sheer number of shirtless, sweaty guys getting changed. A guy in a pink shirt, FRANKIE, stands just outside his locker.
FRANKIE: Hey there.
NEAL: Whoa! Hello! How do you do?
FRANKIE: I'm Frankie. Pleasure I see you're just getting out of your shell.
Pan down to reveal an erection peeking through Neal's towel.
NEAL: Uh, um, what are you, I don't know--
FRANKIE: It's okay. I started out exactly where you are. And now, I cordially invite you to the first Rainbow Alliance party of the school year!
He hands him a pink sheet of paper.
Neal: Wow I love rainbows!
Frankie: I'm sure you do. I'll see ya there, kiddo.
Neal looks at the paper, looks at the camera, and does a little dance.
Georgia and her roommate, KATIE, are pregaming in their dorm room.