What's that emotion that normal people feel sometimes?
Ah, yes. Loneliness.
Before this year, I had never considered myself a social person. I believed I worked better and functioned better when I was alone with my thoughts. That's why I requested a single on the quiet floor my freshman year.
This theory turned out not to be true. At all. And now I've learned that I am several orders of magnitude happier when I'm surrounded by people. I still have a threshold at which I start to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed in social situations, but for whatever reason, just knowing that there are people within 20 feet of me no matter where I go is comforting.
Hana's room on sci-fi hall is referred to as "Zero to fire code in 60 seconds" because we regularly cram way more people than we're allowed to in there. Being home is like the opposite of that. Fire code to zero in less than a day. And today, it suddenly really freaked me out that I had only spoken to one person - my father - all day. I felt weird and off-balance and anxious and, oh yeah, lonely. I started texting people I haven't spoken to in months, wanting some kind of social contact. It was strange.
It sounds like I'm complaining. I'm not. The digital age makes it easy to never really be lonely. I can always be calling/texting/IMing someone if I need to be. And I have three of my best friends within half a mile of my house, and I adore them and see them so often that I can't really feel lonely. It was just a weird moment where my brain started going "WHERE IS PEOPLE?!"
(Ah, yes, the other questionable thing about being left alone with my thoughts; I start self-analyzing to an obnoxious extent. STFU Carolyn, focus on someone else for once.)
I took my laptop up to CamTech for healing. The guy said I'm looking at about a week for the repairs, and I'll probably be paying about $165. OH GOD I do not have that money right now. Maybe my dad will offer to pay again? :/
Very peculiar dreams last night (or this morning, really). I actually had a dream within a dream about getting married. "Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement...that dweam wiffin a dweam." At some point, I looked at the calendar and saw that the date of my wedding was the next day (I think it was June 26...I have been watching way too much Doctor Who). I panicked. How had my wedding snuck up on me so quickly? I didn't have a dress or anything! I ran around, trying to prepare, until someone reminded me that I had arranged to get married on June 26, 2011. I had a year to get ready. My dream self is apparently barely intelligent enough to function.
Sometimes, caffeine makes me really anxious. This is one of those times. Dislike.
Before this year, I had never considered myself a social person. I believed I worked better and functioned better when I was alone with my thoughts. That's why I requested a single on the quiet floor my freshman year.
This theory turned out not to be true. At all. And now I've learned that I am several orders of magnitude happier when I'm surrounded by people. I still have a threshold at which I start to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed in social situations, but for whatever reason, just knowing that there are people within 20 feet of me no matter where I go is comforting.
Hana's room on sci-fi hall is referred to as "Zero to fire code in 60 seconds" because we regularly cram way more people than we're allowed to in there. Being home is like the opposite of that. Fire code to zero in less than a day. And today, it suddenly really freaked me out that I had only spoken to one person - my father - all day. I felt weird and off-balance and anxious and, oh yeah, lonely. I started texting people I haven't spoken to in months, wanting some kind of social contact. It was strange.
It sounds like I'm complaining. I'm not. The digital age makes it easy to never really be lonely. I can always be calling/texting/IMing someone if I need to be. And I have three of my best friends within half a mile of my house, and I adore them and see them so often that I can't really feel lonely. It was just a weird moment where my brain started going "WHERE IS PEOPLE?!"
(Ah, yes, the other questionable thing about being left alone with my thoughts; I start self-analyzing to an obnoxious extent. STFU Carolyn, focus on someone else for once.)
I took my laptop up to CamTech for healing. The guy said I'm looking at about a week for the repairs, and I'll probably be paying about $165. OH GOD I do not have that money right now. Maybe my dad will offer to pay again? :/
Very peculiar dreams last night (or this morning, really). I actually had a dream within a dream about getting married. "Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement...that dweam wiffin a dweam." At some point, I looked at the calendar and saw that the date of my wedding was the next day (I think it was June 26...I have been watching way too much Doctor Who). I panicked. How had my wedding snuck up on me so quickly? I didn't have a dress or anything! I ran around, trying to prepare, until someone reminded me that I had arranged to get married on June 26, 2011. I had a year to get ready. My dream self is apparently barely intelligent enough to function.
Sometimes, caffeine makes me really anxious. This is one of those times. Dislike.