For lastvoyages: Journal Entry 27 [voice+spam]

[feels_no_love]

In my stay here I have met a few people to whom I truly owe a debt of gratitude. [Soft chuckle] Now there is something I never thought that I would admit. But...it is true. At any rate, the Barge just said goodbye to two such people

Comments

[Private]

[expectremorse]

[What is this? an actual fucking response?]

...Here on the barge? Or in the lives we left behind?

[Private]

[feels_no_love]

Whatever you feel like talking about. It may seem strange for me to bring this up, but...I'm not used to feeling the absence of people like this.

Re: [Private]

[expectremorse]

Not used to it how?

I mean in terms of...You've never felt like that?

[He might sound slightly disgusted, horrified even.]

[Private]

[feels_no_love]

I am not proud of it, Detective, but...perhaps you may remember that when I came here, I was...somewhat different. Probably worse company, for that matter.

I could feel barely anything then; I was hollow. I am starting to not be hollow now, so yes, now I feel those absences, the regret, and even the gratitude of owing someone who is now gone. Probably not as strongly as a living man, but...I do.

Re: [Private]

[expectremorse]

[frown. Very very quiet.]

Yes.

To answer your question. I did not want to leave them behind. I never would have. They were taken from me.

[Private]

[feels_no_love]

...

Oh.

I have some of those as well.

I don't think this feeling goes away. And...perhaps it would dishonor their memories if it did.

Re: [Private]

[expectremorse]

[A spasm of rage crosses Hoffman's features] Were they stolen from you?

[Private]

[feels_no_love]

Vampire hunters. It is why I came here with such a deep hatred for them.

The whole idea of making people into vampires was to make them tough and long lived enough that I could keep them, and they could not be taken away. But that was a foolish fancy. They were.

Re: [Private]

[expectremorse]

[I'm not five anymore Mark!

Of course not Angie-

No, see, I don't think you understand that. I'm not five. I'm not and I have a right to live my own life. A right you don't seem to be comfortable with! You can't protect me forever Mark!]

[Hoffman's inner monologue is showing, he's paled and does not look well at all.

It vanishes in a heartbeat.]

It's not foolish.

[Private]

[feels_no_love]

...well.

One wants to keep them safe. Vampirism gives people I care about tools for survival. But it can also make them targets if they don't handle it carefully. As, of course, can association with me.

But...that last can be said of anyone with a risky life.

Re: [Private]

[expectremorse]

Still, you should do whatever you can to keep people safe. To help them.

[Private]

[feels_no_love]

I have such things much more in mind now.

Ah well. Careful as I am now about giving out fangs, I can always make a good guardian.

Re: [Private]

[expectremorse]

You have a lot of people ask if they can become vampires?

[Private]

[feels_no_love]

These nights I talk it over at length with people. Get to know them. So...a handful. Which is fine. I am in no hurry; I wish to do this right.

Re: [Private]

[expectremorse]

...So you have plans to make people vampires. To give them power.

I'm not a rat or anything-you don't have to answer if you don'twant to.

[Private]

[feels_no_love]

I know you are not. Why do you think I tell you these sort of things?

In each case I will try to get them used to the idea and truly get to know them. But yes, I shall.

In fact, considering the strange way the Barge seems to handle such things, if we are sufficiently threatened I may hand fangs out to staunch allies the way an armory hands out firearms.