Well I figure if it’s over, I might as well ask you about some of things you didn't tell me. Just so I won’t end up hearing about them from other people, you know?
Why don’t we start simple? About how many other people did you run off and flirt with while we were dating? Or is that too high for you to count?
I’m not interested. Just trying to understand some things a little better. I- I didn’t forget! In fact, everything that’s happened since then’s just confirmed I made the right choice.
Because this business happened to take place when we we’re -still- together. Which makes it my business too.
I never "ran off" and flirted with anyone...what the hell are you going on about?? I went to work, and came home to you, that's all. Where are you getting these half-assed ideas??
Maybe you don't need to. Maybe you should just leave it be, if you're so 'not interested'. Happened? What are you talking about? You come into my journal ripping into me about shit that isn't any concern of your's, and that leads you to believe that leaving me was right??
No, see, you're not getting it Tidus. We're not together anymore, so anything I did or didn't do is -MY- business. You don't get to poke around and ask questions now.
That’s all, huh? Well then maybe you could explain to me how you had time to go and fall in love with someone else then?!
Interested or not, I don’t think I want to leave it be. What, do you think after I left I curled up in a little ball and died? I talk to people, Irvine, even if I don’t have as many “friends”. Not everything is about YOU and what happens where YOU can see it. It is too my concern! If I’d have known, I… I would have left sooner!
You cheated on me!!! I DESERVE to have my questions answered. You... You owe me that!
...What do you want me to say, Tidus? It's not as if I went around looking for people to fall in love with..it's not as if I did it on purpose...Oh, excuse me, Zexion seems to think I did. Is -that- who you've been talking to??
Then just fucking tell me what you're talking about! For Ramuh's sakes! What do you want from me!? YOU LEFT. Isn't that enough!? Oh, Oh well that's good to know! You-You-Oh there just aren't fucking words enough to reply to THAT. If you knew WHAT?
I GAVE HIM A BIRTHDAY KISS. IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED EVERYDAY! IT'S NOT LIKE FUCKED HIM.
…So it’s true then. You DO love him. *hollow* I guess I should have believed him right off the back. Why would he make it up? No, I didn’t talk to Zexion, but maybe I should have. Since he seems to understand the situation so well. Did you do it on purpose? Just to hurt me as much as fucking possible?
I talked to Yazoo, actually. I don’t know Irvine, is it? Is it enough to make you realize how much of a fucking JERK you are? THAT is what I want. THAT YOU COULDN”T CHOOSE BETWEEN YAZOO AND I!!! That you were potentially stringing me along until you decided you liked HIM better and LEFT ME! OR MAYBE BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!
*resentful laugh* Oh don’t tell me you wouldn’t have if he had LET you! You told him you loved him, Irvine! How do you get any worse then that?!?
Tidus...I loved you both...it's not as if I meant for it to happen...I-...I never wanted it to go like this...I swear, the minute you stepped off that train, you were all I wanted... Yeah. I guess he does...better than I did...NO, Tidus! NO! I never wanted to hurt you...Especially not like this.
I...I know I am Tidus..I know...everyone on the face of Sanzensekai has informed me of how much of an bastard I am, alright? Tidus-HOW THE FUCK COULD I HAVE KNOWN THIS WOULD HAPPEN?! You talked to him right!? Did he tell you how much I just fucking wanted him to say he hated me!? Did he tell you how much I just fucking wanted him to tell me that he wanted nothing to do with me!? So I could forget what I felt for him, did you know all that!? Oh stop, I wasn't stringing you along, dammit! I fucking loved you, worshipped you even. I-I-UGH.IS THAT WHO YOU THINK I AM!? Is that how....you really thought of me...the whole time? Just a loose little fucker right? A modern-fucking swinger
( ... )
You forgot “at least until Yazoo came around”. Well you had an interesting way of showing it.. So if Zexion was right, that you -did- do it on purpose, then what the hell other reason is their other then to hurt me?
Are you sure you really know? Do you have any idea how much of a chance I took with you? That I loved you more then I’ve loved anyone or anything else? Ever? I-I don’t know why I even bothered! You’re the same as everyone else. Good! You deserve every insult you get! *shocked silent for a moment* …No… he didn’t say anything about… that. DON’T EVEN-!!! If you loved me that much… you wouldn- couldn’t have kissed him!!!! How… How can you even SAY something like that?!?!
Isn’t that what you wanted? Isn’t that how you TRIED to come across? …Maybe it is! Maybe that’s the way I’ve seen you since the very first second I met you. HOW IS KISSING HIM TRYING TO STOP IT?!?!
You...just can't get it through your thick head, can you!? I. Did. Not. Want. This. I...don't know what to think about what Zexion said. I don't know if I did....I didn't want to...It's...
I...I don't know to say...I know 'I'm sorry' doesn't cut it... *wince* Yes, yes I do. I did...I really, really did...But you don't see that, do you? I went after you too, you know. But of course, you didn't see that either... Because it's true goddammit! It's TRUE. Whether you fucking want to believe that I wanted this or not, it's TRUE. I -loved- you! Why won't you fucking listen!?
I thought that you of all people would've seen past that...I thought if you knew better, it didn't matter what anyone else thought. ...is it?
I needed the denial! I needed him to hate me! To tell me no! To tell me, so I could forget what I felt and only feel anything for you! I..Oh fuck you!
It was the truth though, wasn’t it? And that… doesn’t change the fact that it happened. It’s?…Fine. Be cryptic or whatever. See if I care.
I’m not asking you to say anything. I don’t want your apologizes anyway. I just… I… I don’t even know anymore. How was I suppos- Wait. You…you did what? I- What the hell is love to you then? I -AM- listening! I’ve heard everything thing you’ve said. But I don’t understand you!!!! I… I can’t…….because…. it’s easier… if you didn’t.
Me of all people? What are you talking about? We were together for two months. You tell me a little about how you grew up and I’m automatically supposed to understand everything about you? I guess that wasn’t one of your brightest ideas. …..Yes.
And he did. So did everything turn out like you intended then, Irvine?
... I...I tried to catch you..before you got on the train...I-*is a loser and trying not to cry some* L-love? I...I'm sorry...*gets up from computer*
*comes back 5 minutes later* ...I never told any of that to anyone...not...a single person..oh Ramuh.. No...no I guess it wasn't very bright... *completely just out of it now* Oh...
You lied when you said the kiss didn’t mean anything, didn’t you?
Reply
It was just a birthday present, Tidus...
What else do you want me to tell you?
Reply
...It was more then that, wasn't it? You're still sending him presents.
Reply
...I still don't know when his birthday is..
Why are you asking me this now?
Reply
….You sent him a collar.
Well I figure if it’s over, I might as well ask you about some of things you didn't tell me. Just so I won’t end up hearing about them from other people, you know?
Reply
For another present, yes. Why do you seem so interested in what I'm doing?
YOU left ME...not the other way around, in case you forgot..
...yeah, it's over. So why don't you NOT stick your nose in my business?
Reply
I’m not interested. Just trying to understand some things a little better.
I- I didn’t forget! In fact, everything that’s happened since then’s just confirmed I made the right choice.
Because this business happened to take place when we we’re -still- together. Which makes it my business too.
Reply
Maybe you don't need to. Maybe you should just leave it be, if you're so 'not interested'. Happened? What are you talking about? You come into my journal ripping into me about shit that isn't any concern of your's, and that leads you to believe that leaving me was right??
No, see, you're not getting it Tidus. We're not together anymore, so anything I did or didn't do is -MY- business. You don't get to poke around and ask questions now.
Reply
Interested or not, I don’t think I want to leave it be.
What, do you think after I left I curled up in a little ball and died? I talk to people, Irvine, even if I don’t have as many “friends”. Not everything is about YOU and what happens where YOU can see it.
It is too my concern! If I’d have known, I… I would have left sooner!
You cheated on me!!! I DESERVE to have my questions answered. You... You owe me that!
Reply
Then just fucking tell me what you're talking about! For Ramuh's sakes! What do you want from me!? YOU LEFT. Isn't that enough!?
Oh, Oh well that's good to know! You-You-Oh there just aren't fucking words enough to reply to THAT. If you knew WHAT?
I GAVE HIM A BIRTHDAY KISS. IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED EVERYDAY! IT'S NOT LIKE FUCKED HIM.
[[ooc: I fail and so does Irvine -_-;; soz. ♥ ]]
Reply
No, I didn’t talk to Zexion, but maybe I should have. Since he seems to understand the situation so well. Did you do it on purpose? Just to hurt me as much as fucking possible?
I talked to Yazoo, actually.
I don’t know Irvine, is it? Is it enough to make you realize how much of a fucking JERK you are? THAT is what I want.
THAT YOU COULDN”T CHOOSE BETWEEN YAZOO AND I!!! That you were potentially stringing me along until you decided you liked HIM better and LEFT ME! OR MAYBE BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!
*resentful laugh* Oh don’t tell me you wouldn’t have if he had LET you! You told him you loved him, Irvine! How do you get any worse then that?!?
Reply
Yeah. I guess he does...better than I did...NO, Tidus! NO! I never wanted to hurt you...Especially not like this.
I...I know I am Tidus..I know...everyone on the face of Sanzensekai has informed me of how much of an bastard I am, alright?
Tidus-HOW THE FUCK COULD I HAVE KNOWN THIS WOULD HAPPEN?! You talked to him right!? Did he tell you how much I just fucking wanted him to say he hated me!? Did he tell you how much I just fucking wanted him to tell me that he wanted nothing to do with me!? So I could forget what I felt for him, did you know all that!?
Oh stop, I wasn't stringing you along, dammit! I fucking loved you, worshipped you even. I-I-UGH.IS THAT WHO YOU THINK I AM!? Is that how....you really thought of me...the whole time? Just a loose little fucker right? A modern-fucking swinger ( ... )
Reply
Well you had an interesting way of showing it..
So if Zexion was right, that you -did- do it on purpose, then what the hell other reason is their other then to hurt me?
Are you sure you really know? Do you have any idea how much of a chance I took with you? That I loved you more then I’ve loved anyone or anything else? Ever? I-I don’t know why I even bothered! You’re the same as everyone else.
Good! You deserve every insult you get!
*shocked silent for a moment* …No… he didn’t say anything about… that.
DON’T EVEN-!!! If you loved me that much… you wouldn- couldn’t have kissed him!!!! How… How can you even SAY something like that?!?!
Isn’t that what you wanted? Isn’t that how you TRIED to come across? …Maybe it is! Maybe that’s the way I’ve seen you since the very first second I met you.
HOW IS KISSING HIM TRYING TO STOP IT?!?!
Reply
I...don't know what to think about what Zexion said. I don't know if I did....I didn't want to...It's...
I...I don't know to say...I know 'I'm sorry' doesn't cut it...
*wince* Yes, yes I do.
I did...I really, really did...But you don't see that, do you? I went after you too, you know. But of course, you didn't see that either...
Because it's true goddammit! It's TRUE. Whether you fucking want to believe that I wanted this or not, it's TRUE. I -loved- you! Why won't you fucking listen!?
I thought that you of all people would've seen past that...I thought if you knew better, it didn't matter what anyone else thought.
...is it?
I needed the denial! I needed him to hate me! To tell me no! To tell me, so I could forget what I felt and only feel anything for you! I..Oh fuck you!
Reply
It’s?…Fine. Be cryptic or whatever. See if I care.
I’m not asking you to say anything. I don’t want your apologizes anyway. I just… I… I don’t even know anymore.
How was I suppos- Wait. You…you did what?
I- What the hell is love to you then? I -AM- listening! I’ve heard everything thing you’ve said. But I don’t understand you!!!! I… I can’t…….because…. it’s easier… if you didn’t.
Me of all people? What are you talking about? We were together for two months. You tell me a little about how you grew up and I’m automatically supposed to understand everything about you? I guess that wasn’t one of your brightest ideas.
…..Yes.
And he did. So did everything turn out like you intended then, Irvine?
((ooc: Annnnnnd see Tidus LIE))
Reply
...
I...I tried to catch you..before you got on the train...I-*is a loser and trying not to cry some*
L-love? I...I'm sorry...*gets up from computer*
*comes back 5 minutes later*
...I never told any of that to anyone...not...a single person..oh Ramuh.. No...no I guess it wasn't very bright...
*completely just out of it now* Oh...
*very quietly*no...
Reply
Leave a comment