A rant *they* won't see but that I'm working on.....
Clearing the air on a few things.....
1. If Tom and I decide to seperate for a bit, it will be set up so there's as little negative impact on the HeadHunters as possible. I'll still be there in the morning from the time Tom has to go to work until Lin goes to school, and I'll be there for Lin from the bus after school until Tom is back from work. Ky and Ana will be with me for the most part, but will be back to the house for their evening/bedtime and to sleep there for the night. This way they don't have to get up in the middle of the night for me to be back and Tom to go to work. IF this arrangement doesn't work out, then 1/2 the time I'll get Ky and Ana up to bring them to the house; the other 1/2 of the time, Tom will get Lin up and bring her to me before he goes to work.
2. I have a fairly regular schedule for appointments, events, etc. and make plans around the timing of those things. If other people aren't planning things out in advance, it messes up my schedule and throws a monkey wrench into my plans and those of the people who are counting on me. I'm tired of having my plans and appointments short-circuited because of this. From this point on, I'll need a schedule from Tom and Elena in regards to Lin and Kel. They *HAVE* to have it to me by Friday evening every week. As in, the written schedule I get on 18 April will cover the dates of 21 April through 27 April. If I don't get a written schedule, I'll opperate under the assumption that Tom and Elena have arrangements other than me for appointments, work schedules, to and from school/bus stop, etc. It has to be written out because I'm tired of the bull-cookies of "Didn't they tell you?" I'm willing to be *on call* for Lin and Kel for emergencies and unexpected appointment changes, but the assumption of "Emmy will do it" comes to an end.
3. I will no longer be involved with Parenting Issues between Tom and Elena. If there is a change in the scheduled Parenting Time, they need to communicate with each other directly. The, "Tell Tom I'm going to have both girls in Marquette over Father's Day weekend, and if he wants to see them he'll have to come up there to do it," and the, "You can tell Elena that it's supposed to be my weekend with Kelly," is beyond sickening. It's a game that Tom and Elena play with each other, using me and the Kids as pawns... and it comes to an end. Tom and Elena need to let each other know about Lin and Kel's events, activities, and appointments. Tom and Elena need to keep each other informed about Lin and Kel's schooling, after school activities, etc. If Tom has a complaint about Elena playing dink-around with the time Kelly is supposed to be spending with him, Tom needs to take it to Elena. If Elena wants Tom to know about changes she's making or something going on, Elena needs to take it to Tom. Tom and Elena can give me a head's up AFTER THEY HAVE SPOKEN TO EACH OTHER ABOUT IT... but not before then.
4. Kyla and AnaRose's activities and plans will no longer be put on hold because of changes in Tom and Elena's Parenting Time with Lin and Kel. If Tom and/or Elena change the schedule, Kyla and AnaRose will still go ahead with the plans; Lindsey and Kelly will lose out on it. The days of, "We'll have to wait until they're back," and "We'll have to do it another weekend," are done and over with.
5. Lindsey will no longer go along with any activities involving Dan and AnaRose & Kyla. This time is AnaRose's Parenting Time with her father. Kyla- as part of that Family- can choose to go as she wants to. AnaRose and Kyla are not involved with Elena and Tom's Parenting Time with Lin and Kel. Lin and Kel will not be involved with Ky and Ana's Parenting Time.
6. Kelly creates drama situations involving me, Tom, and Elena. One of MANY examples is Kelly claiming that I said she can't come over at all during the summer. After thinking it over for a spell, she doesn't have such a bad idea after all, so... here's how this is going to work: As long as it's during Parenting Time and the arrangements are made between Tom and Elena, I don't give a rat's patootie if Kel is here or not. It makes no difference to me either way. Unless something different is set up between the three adults, there's no reason for Kelly to be here (as in, WITH ME) unless Tom is here. If the timing for Parenting Time pick-up/drop-off ends up working out that I'm babysitting Kelly for a little while before Tom finishes his work shift or something, that's fine. I'll work with that as long as it's part of the weekly schedule (look back at #2). If it's something spur of the moment, I'll cover it if I can. If not, Tom and Elena will have to make other arrangements for her. I'll make sure that Elena has a copy of the Summer Reading Program activity list. If there is an activity that Kel wants to go to, she can do it with Elena or someone else rather than doing it with me again this year. For the record- I haven't passed along any *Parenting Time* messages between Tom and Elena for the past few days. My suggestion would be that Tom and Elena get ahold of one another and share the information they've given to me.
7. I will babysit Lin 2 days a week (either Mondays and Wednesdays or Tuesdays and Thursdays) during the summer while Tom is at work. Tom will have to set up and make other arrangements for the rest of that time. I'm willing to work with Tom about arangements for the other 2-3 days that Lin is with a babysitter/day care provider- as in driving her there in the morning after she's had breakfast, etc. I will not watch Lin on the *off* days after 9:00a.m. If Lin refuses to leave the house on the *off* days, Tom will have to leave work and bring her there himself.
8. Lin is not to be left with me unless Tom is at work. If there is an errand to run or whatever, Tom is to either find a babysitter for her or take her with. The assumption of, "Why should I take her with or find someone to watch her while you're here," comes to an end. Being the current wife doesn't automatically make me a live-in babysitter, and I'm done being treated like one. There have been too many times that I've had something going on, I've been trying to get something done, or have been getting ready to leave for something and am derailed because Tom heads out the door and leaves Lin behind.
9. Critter care will be as follows: Tom and Lin are responsible for the birds, gerbil, 2 of the cats, and Lin's tank. Me, Ky, and Ana are responsible for my fish tank, Spit Fire, and Widget. There are 3 cats in the house- 2 are Tom's and 1 is Kyla's. Tom will change litter boxes 2 out of 3 times, Kyla will change litter boxes 1 out of 3 times. If Tom does not agree to this, Spit Fire will have his own box in a seperate part of the house that Kyla will be responsible for and Tom will have full care and upkeep of the others. AnaRose was promised a gerbil for her Birthday from her aunts. When the time comes, she will get the gerbil and will be 100% responsible for it.
10. Division of housework will be as follows: from this point on, Ky, Ana, and I will *ONLY* pick up after ourselves (our own laundry, wash only the dishes we use, etc.). For the *bigger* chores of the household (sweeping, mopping, etc.), the three of us will each take on one specific task per week *BUT* we will only do our assigned task after we see the other members of the household doing their fair share.
11. Ky and Ana are to use nothing of Kel and Lin's things. Lin and Kel are to use nothing of Ky and Ana's things. If something of Kyla and AnaRose's gets broken or ruined by Lin and/or Kel, turn-about will be fair play and permitted unless their things are replaced. As always, if Ky or Ana break or ruin something of Lin and/or Kel's, they will replace it.
Other Changes:
1. Emmy will do no longer do "fun things" with Lin and Kel until Tom starts doing "fun things" with just Ky and Ana.
2. Either:
Kyla and AnaRose will be moved to the upstairs bedroom. Lindsey will be moved to the downstairs bedroom.
Or:
The *livingroom area* closest to the kitchen will become an extension of the downstairs bedroom and will be off limits to all but Kyla and AnaRose (except to walk through to get to the kitchen).
Three HeadHunters live at the house at all times. One person is in the biggest bedroom and two people are crammed into the smallest bedroom. This does *NOT* work!!! Regardless of which area/bedroom Kyla and AnaRose are in, their bedroom will have a door and working/usable lock. Kelly is (in Tom's words) "only here 4 days a month and most of the time not even that." The downstairs bedroom is workable for 2 people for a short time, but not on a regular basis. Kelly would *have her room back* and Lin's *sore legs* wouldn't have to manage the steps for late-night snacks and drinks- as in she could start doing for herself instead of being babied. Kyla and AnaRose would have room to keep all of their things in their room, and would have the *breathing room* and *personal space* that they need. AnaRose managing the steps during the night is no longer an issue- she's learned to navigate with her meds after they've *kicked in* during the night.
3. When Tom has an issue, problem, or complaint with me, he needs to take it to me- not his children and/or ex-wife.
4. When Kyla and AnaRose have an issue, problem, or complaint about Tom, Elena, and/or Kelly, they need to take it to that person. If they have an issue, problem, or complaint about Lindsey, they need to take it to an adult.
5. Kyla and AnaRose will spend 5 supervised minutes every other day with Lindsey doing a board or card game *AFTER* Lindsey spends an equal amount of time leaving them and their critters alone. In other words, if Lindsey wants time, consideration, and respect from Kyla and AnaRose she has to give them those things first.
6. Tom will parent and be responsible for only his children. I will parent and be responsible for only my children. If Lin and Kel come to me, I will send them to Tom. If Ana and Ky go to Tom, he is to send them to me. Things will remain like this until Tom and I spend time along together, talk about, discuss, and jointly AGREE on household values, chores, rights, responsabilities, and concequences. In a Family, all HeadHunters have the same concequences for the same negative behaviors, have the same basic human rights and treatment (as in NO FAVORITISM), and have the same ability to earn privelages based on good behavior. The HeadHunters don't have to be treated equally- but they DO need to be treated FAIRLY.