I think I stink

[feebum]

I should've gone to uni today, because I am falling asleep at the table. I am tempted to curl up in bed and try and forget the things that need to be done. If I were at Uni, I'd have no choice but to push on. But I couldn't, I can't stand the thought of Uni today, or yesterday. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that tomorrow will be different. Or maybe it will. I have to get up early for work, which will kickstart me for the day I think. Days like this I wonder why on earth I am at Uni. What am I doing? Don't you realise how much you have to do? Why don't you just get on with it? And then I think of how little time there is to go and I feel guilty for not being there, because I know that I will regret it later. And I doubt that I have the ability to keep going. I feel unable to do anything - I'm not creative enough, or imaginative enough. My work won't push the boundaries of art enough, the assessors will be thorough in their assessment of my work at the end of the year - will it stand up to the test? Am I kidding myself? I have hit a wall. How do I knock it down? By keeping on going. But it's too hard. I have to use my brain. I think I want to produce brilliant work without having to suffer too much or stretch myself in the process. I don't think I have what it takes to keep going. And at the end of the year, then what? I know that these years haven't been a waste, but do I leave art and do something else? Is it wrong to do that, or even think that? What should I be focussing on? What am I aiming for or at? I feel like there are expectations on me, but they can only be from myself. I just don't know what to concentrate on. I will be so relieved to be finished. It's good, but it is hard. I just want to be finished! I want to do better than just pass though. I want to give it my best, but what's the point? What do i do with it all at the end of the year? Stuff it into a cupboard somewhere, or under the bed, or on the coffee table...I love art, but sometimes it's too damn impractical.

Other years, it has all come together in the end, except for one piece which was a disaster. But what if this time it doesn't? My progress is 'unsatisfactory' and according to my lecturer, I am "pushing s*** up the hill". Poo bum blast it *screams*