F*en A
I sit at work shaking because it won’t stop and then everything people say or talk about makes me think of it…
I am not materialistic or even about money, I want the simple things…The just because things…I called just because I was thinking of you…Here are flowers just because I love you…Tell me that I am beautiful, just because you want me to feel good…I never thought being so simple would be so hard. I get all the bad Just because…I cheated just because I was drunk…I lied just because I wanted to protect my own pride…I hurt you just because I was selfish…I am sick of them! I don’t understand how hard it is to call someone because you want to let them know you are thinking of them…I would love to come home and have dinner made, candles lit and a guy that I love standing there telling me that he loves me and wants me to know how much…Proving love to someone is so simple…leave a card, flowers, a note, call when you don’t have to, email just because…I guess maybe I dream too much…Maybe nothing of this sort will ever happen or ever does happen…Maybe it is just that…dreams…all dreams. Sucks to be such a dreamer…
I am so scared that I am still being lied to…I want to go through all his stuff…I want to be with him every second so I know…I want him to prove that he does love me…I want it to all go away. He tells me how it was and how he feels but is it just because he doesn’t want to be alone…what happens when another girl comes along, will he be quick to leave me, because he isn’t happy with me? I want this but I know I have to take a step back and pull my heart back in…Make him work for it all again, but then what if I make it so hard that he walks away? I guess maybe then it wasn’t meant but I truly think I can be with him…I want to love him forever…I want him to love me. I am so sick of lies…lies that eat away at me. I feel like he doesn’t respect me like he should…like he got away with this and will be forgiven again if it happens. I am weak right now…I want to sleep with him, because I want to feel wanted...I feel so low, like I am not good enough…I want him to want me…I want him to put the effort in…But I am scared that I will give in and then get hurt again, but if I don’t give in, will he try to find it somewhere else?
I said a long time ago, that sometimes people change their actions in hopes of letting you down easy so they don’t have to reject you fully…Well rejection hurts all the same….
So I guess if he isn’t happy and is going to need to still go out and try to find another girl to talk to…a girl to make him feel good…then I wish he would be man enough to walk away and tell me now…Save my heart a little bit of pain…Be the man you say you are. Stop lying to me and man up to yourself and your actions!
Kismet…I live by it, but its one of those things that makes me think…What is fate and destiny?
I cried again today, but not as much as yesterday and then not as much as Monday…Maybe I will be all cried out soon enough and then maybe the pain will go away…I can only hope. L
Maybe he is realizing that I am the best thing in his life…or maybe he won’t and it will hurt again in a little bit!
I am not materialistic or even about money, I want the simple things…The just because things…I called just because I was thinking of you…Here are flowers just because I love you…Tell me that I am beautiful, just because you want me to feel good…I never thought being so simple would be so hard. I get all the bad Just because…I cheated just because I was drunk…I lied just because I wanted to protect my own pride…I hurt you just because I was selfish…I am sick of them! I don’t understand how hard it is to call someone because you want to let them know you are thinking of them…I would love to come home and have dinner made, candles lit and a guy that I love standing there telling me that he loves me and wants me to know how much…Proving love to someone is so simple…leave a card, flowers, a note, call when you don’t have to, email just because…I guess maybe I dream too much…Maybe nothing of this sort will ever happen or ever does happen…Maybe it is just that…dreams…all dreams. Sucks to be such a dreamer…
I am so scared that I am still being lied to…I want to go through all his stuff…I want to be with him every second so I know…I want him to prove that he does love me…I want it to all go away. He tells me how it was and how he feels but is it just because he doesn’t want to be alone…what happens when another girl comes along, will he be quick to leave me, because he isn’t happy with me? I want this but I know I have to take a step back and pull my heart back in…Make him work for it all again, but then what if I make it so hard that he walks away? I guess maybe then it wasn’t meant but I truly think I can be with him…I want to love him forever…I want him to love me. I am so sick of lies…lies that eat away at me. I feel like he doesn’t respect me like he should…like he got away with this and will be forgiven again if it happens. I am weak right now…I want to sleep with him, because I want to feel wanted...I feel so low, like I am not good enough…I want him to want me…I want him to put the effort in…But I am scared that I will give in and then get hurt again, but if I don’t give in, will he try to find it somewhere else?
I said a long time ago, that sometimes people change their actions in hopes of letting you down easy so they don’t have to reject you fully…Well rejection hurts all the same….
So I guess if he isn’t happy and is going to need to still go out and try to find another girl to talk to…a girl to make him feel good…then I wish he would be man enough to walk away and tell me now…Save my heart a little bit of pain…Be the man you say you are. Stop lying to me and man up to yourself and your actions!
Kismet…I live by it, but its one of those things that makes me think…What is fate and destiny?
I cried again today, but not as much as yesterday and then not as much as Monday…Maybe I will be all cried out soon enough and then maybe the pain will go away…I can only hope. L
Maybe he is realizing that I am the best thing in his life…or maybe he won’t and it will hurt again in a little bit!