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Feb 02, 2011 10:17


I left tumblr today without telling anyone. Partly because I wanted to see if anyone noticed or cared, partly because it's making me do bad in school, partly because I don't want to bother people with my problems anymore. I picked up smoking today. It will kill me faster. I want to die. I want to die now. The only thing keeping me alive at this ( Read more... )

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rae1013 February 2 2011, 22:59:18 UTC
I will smack you so hard if you don't DO something to cheer yourself up. Here's the thing. I'm 31 years old. I've been where you are. I've done the self-hate, the self-hurt and it never mattered. No one really noticed my suffering and those few that reached out were smacked down with my bitter disregard for their attempts to help.

You can only be happy for yourself. You can only better your life for yourself. You can't do it for someone else and you can't rely on anyone else to pull you out of your depression or to fix your life.

You're so young. You're whole life is ahead of you. It does get better. You need to actively focus on the good. It's hard. It's one of the hardest things to do when you feel like shit and can so clearly see the bullshit that fills up everyday like air. But you have to do it. Focus on little things. Take a walk with your favorite song jamming in your ear. Find some time just for yourself.

Here's a book I want you to look into. I was Wiccan for a number of years before I decided Atheism worked better for me. I'm too lazy to actually do any rituals, so yeah, that's the big secret to my spiritual path. Anyway, this book was amazing for me. It helped with my body image and the struggles I fought with myself over learning to accept who I am and how I am.

It is The Body Sacred by Dianne Sylvan. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0738707619/1n9867a-20

It really did wonders for me and helped me look at myself and the world differently. I still have bad days and I still get pulled into depression but I know that it will pass as it always does.

*hugs you tight*

Be happy. Do something stupidly awesome. Quit smoking, it stinks up everything!

♥ ♥ ♥

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