(no subject)
I should stop apologising for not posting more frequently, I mean, I really do have quite a lot on my plate right now, but really, sorry :) I hate not being as regularly online as I normally am. I just have no focus, drive or any type of concentration right now. Urgh.
Anyway, saw the new doctor the day before last (Wednesday) to check in about the many and various (OK, only two) medications and to see where stuff is kind of headed. A new drug has been thrown into the mix, Seroquel, and I'm not totally down with that. I've been on Seroquel before and while it does have its pros, and it really does, the cons are irritating, too. For example, dry mouth; doesn't sound that serious at all, and ordinarily it'd be completely manageable, but because my antidepressant also causes dry mouth, I almost literally have no spit. None. I could try to spit at someone and they'd end up being covered in a light sheen of dust. DUST. Seroquel is also known to cause weight gain (not as badly as Zyprexa), which I'm not at all comfortable with because I have a thing about weight (believe it or not), and I often go through cycles of eating normally and then cycles of disordered eating patterns. I feel like gaining some weight wouldn't be awful, but a lot would be problematic. I guess that's a wait-and-see type thing. Ideally it ought to be helping me sleep, but so far, no good. Seroquel combined with Lamictal should put me completely out, lol, but it's all still settling down. I can take 25-50 mg, so I guess I'll see what's what with the 50 mg before I get too worried about it. I'll just have to make sure I don't have anything important to do the following day, lol. I guess the point of the Seroquel is that it kind of keeps things together a bit...I've been on it in the past and it slowed down the self-injury thing quite a bit and made some room for me to get through it, which I (mostly) appreciated. So, everything is kind of contained right now which is a good/bad thing. I can maybe get some shit done, but also emoting is a little problematic because I've been rendered docile by the medication. Not happy, don't get confused, but just made more quiet. Not a lot of fun, but I guess it could be worse. The Lamictal is going fine. The dose has increased from 50 to 75 mg, and it's not that bad. Causes the weirdest fucking dreams I think I've ever had. Honestly, some weird shit has been going on. Also, Lamictal tastes kind of blackberry-ish, so that's not bad, either.
As for all the uni stuff, I'm just hanging in there by the skin of my teeth. I'm still going, but doing any work is damn near impossible, which is a downer, what with having to do assessments and all, but it keeps me occupied and I've been aware or ages that I don't do well at all in an unstructured environment. Today I've applied for Special Consideration (ooh, fancy) to get some deadlines extended. I have an assignment due on Monday (yeah, yeah, poor student trying to shirk due dates, lol) which I've not at all been able to focus on or give any thought to. I can get an extension up to 20 days, so that should allow for things to settle down and stuff. I guess, failing that, I could get a DNF (Discontinue Not Fail) to avoid failing anything and having that both on my transcript and in my head, but that's kind of last resort sort of stuff, so I'll wait it out.
Nothing much besides the above has been happening...I guess I mostly spend my time being unwell and trying to keep my head above water. It's exhausting as hell and I'm not sure how I'm still going through the motions, but I'm trying to carry on to avoid hospitalisation. I know that the second I lose control or cease to function, that's where I'll end up. Not the worst thing in the world, but it's not what I planned. I'm kind of in the middle of things, you know? Lol. I think if things haven't looked up by the semester break, then I could defer a semester and do what I need to do more intensively then, but I hate interruptions, so I'll try to keep it together for as long as I can.
Fuck, all of that sounds bleak as hell, but it's been considerably worse in the past. I'm just stupidly tired. No sleep and all that makes one a bit weird. Anyways, I hope that you all are doing better than I am :)
Anyway, saw the new doctor the day before last (Wednesday) to check in about the many and various (OK, only two) medications and to see where stuff is kind of headed. A new drug has been thrown into the mix, Seroquel, and I'm not totally down with that. I've been on Seroquel before and while it does have its pros, and it really does, the cons are irritating, too. For example, dry mouth; doesn't sound that serious at all, and ordinarily it'd be completely manageable, but because my antidepressant also causes dry mouth, I almost literally have no spit. None. I could try to spit at someone and they'd end up being covered in a light sheen of dust. DUST. Seroquel is also known to cause weight gain (not as badly as Zyprexa), which I'm not at all comfortable with because I have a thing about weight (believe it or not), and I often go through cycles of eating normally and then cycles of disordered eating patterns. I feel like gaining some weight wouldn't be awful, but a lot would be problematic. I guess that's a wait-and-see type thing. Ideally it ought to be helping me sleep, but so far, no good. Seroquel combined with Lamictal should put me completely out, lol, but it's all still settling down. I can take 25-50 mg, so I guess I'll see what's what with the 50 mg before I get too worried about it. I'll just have to make sure I don't have anything important to do the following day, lol. I guess the point of the Seroquel is that it kind of keeps things together a bit...I've been on it in the past and it slowed down the self-injury thing quite a bit and made some room for me to get through it, which I (mostly) appreciated. So, everything is kind of contained right now which is a good/bad thing. I can maybe get some shit done, but also emoting is a little problematic because I've been rendered docile by the medication. Not happy, don't get confused, but just made more quiet. Not a lot of fun, but I guess it could be worse. The Lamictal is going fine. The dose has increased from 50 to 75 mg, and it's not that bad. Causes the weirdest fucking dreams I think I've ever had. Honestly, some weird shit has been going on. Also, Lamictal tastes kind of blackberry-ish, so that's not bad, either.
As for all the uni stuff, I'm just hanging in there by the skin of my teeth. I'm still going, but doing any work is damn near impossible, which is a downer, what with having to do assessments and all, but it keeps me occupied and I've been aware or ages that I don't do well at all in an unstructured environment. Today I've applied for Special Consideration (ooh, fancy) to get some deadlines extended. I have an assignment due on Monday (yeah, yeah, poor student trying to shirk due dates, lol) which I've not at all been able to focus on or give any thought to. I can get an extension up to 20 days, so that should allow for things to settle down and stuff. I guess, failing that, I could get a DNF (Discontinue Not Fail) to avoid failing anything and having that both on my transcript and in my head, but that's kind of last resort sort of stuff, so I'll wait it out.
Nothing much besides the above has been happening...I guess I mostly spend my time being unwell and trying to keep my head above water. It's exhausting as hell and I'm not sure how I'm still going through the motions, but I'm trying to carry on to avoid hospitalisation. I know that the second I lose control or cease to function, that's where I'll end up. Not the worst thing in the world, but it's not what I planned. I'm kind of in the middle of things, you know? Lol. I think if things haven't looked up by the semester break, then I could defer a semester and do what I need to do more intensively then, but I hate interruptions, so I'll try to keep it together for as long as I can.
Fuck, all of that sounds bleak as hell, but it's been considerably worse in the past. I'm just stupidly tired. No sleep and all that makes one a bit weird. Anyways, I hope that you all are doing better than I am :)