im not okay, i promise
these past 3 days have absolutely sucked. my mother cant even stand to look at me but she has to because we need to get all these college apps and scholarship things out now. when it all comes down to it we've both had more than enough of each other. the fact that her little spies roaming around the city of wilmington and calling her to let her know what im up to is not helping our relationship anymore. last night she blew up on me, about how she's lost respect for me and she cant wait til this college stuff gets over with so we don't have to talk to each other for a few days. i heard her out and then told her that she will never understand me, shes made no attempt to in the past 17 years and i know that she never will. by saying she doesnt understand me, i dont mean that she doesnt help me or mean anything to me- cuz thats not true at all, i couldnt have done anything without her. i meant that she never bothers to really listen to what i try to say to her. she draws out the bits and pieces she feels like hearing and throws the rest of my words out like theyre meaningless trash. im claustrophobic in this house, everythings just caving in. my attempts to pull out do nothing but earn me more time here. i feel like im stuck in a box labeled "handle with care."
and its not like i can go to school and leave a happier person. i go there and face similar people who hear a jist and then disregard it if it seems meaningless to them. i cant stand people who think what they do and are passionate about is so much better and more important than other people's interests. yes, while you're bitching to everyone about your B in math class, there are girls crying because they lost their 3rd pageant in a row. you can advance yourself in life with good grades and you can also advance yourself with state titles. think a minute before you continually spit senseless shit out of your mouth.
and no, this is not saved up anger from months and months all vented out now. this is just from the past 3 days.