Remembering First Love...
This is in relations to my earlier post about the first love.. or the Apple of my Eye.. The one person whom i had fallen for for the first time in my life.. My fascination for this show is because i know exactly how the guy feels cause i went through more or less almost the same thing as he did..
My first crush was someone unexpected. Someone whom i initially fear and avoided at all cost. With some luck and situations,we got to know each other better and somehow or rather click.. In short we got close, close to a point that we waited for each other to go back. i go extra mile to go longer route.. My crush helping me with my school work, pays for my lunch when i had none.. and supported me in all ways possible.
We drifted because crush was older and moved on to higher institution while i was finishing mine.. Yet all those times and beyond school, my crush has never failed to come to every one of my performances in a band even though we never met, always somehow somewhere makes sure that the presence is felt.
I finally wrote a letter to my crush, wanting to close the chapter and ending the "what if" questions. To be able to move on and not always think about it. There was no reply for a while and in the end finally got a reply. My crush was thankful for how i felt and says that my crush cares and love me but more of that of a sibling that that of a lover and that even with the info nothing has changes.
As much as my crush makes his presence known in every step of the milestone of my life, i also makes it a point to be part of milestone in his life.. When my crush met the love of the life, appointment was made to introduce.. My crush wants me to be part of the joy my crush felt. I was there of course even though initially there was that sharp pang but somehow i guess it felt different..
I will and can never forget the wedding day. When arrives my crush ran up to me and hug me and tell me "you came" with that huge grin and glow. I saw my crush walked down the aisle and instead of feeling sad that my crush can never be mine, i actually basked and smiled and was genuinely happy because my crush found the ONE. although strangely it was not me, but i guess it rang true
" When you genuinely and truly love someone, it doesn't matter if in the end he/she doesn't ends up with you. What important is when he/she is truly happy, then somehow somewhere in your heart you will feel that happiness.. That i guess is true love you can have for someone"
No one says that to fall in love you have to be with him/her in the end.. i learnt that lesson on that wedding day and learnt the true meaning of what love is.. to truly appreciate love..
I am happy to say that up till today i had been and my crush has been in each other milestone.. When we both got our own place, we both came to each other's open house. It was truly embarrassing and funny when i saw that scraggly photo frame gift got for my crush on my crush birthday when we were 16 and 14 respectively. picture of my crush and me from two different picture put together still by my crush bedside..
Recently, my crush came for my performance and stayed until the end cause i complained that never got to see my crush during end of my concert cause always leave before i came down from stage..
To you: Thank you for keeping me in a special place in your heart always. You truly have been difficult to replace and somehow somewhere u could never be replace and somehow over all this time you became that brother that i always wanted and always loved.
Thank you.
I glad to say somehow that feeling that had in my younger years for you is now felt at an age at where i am now at 30 with someone else. I hope this time round this feeling is here to stay and the this feeling all in the end has a ending that will end up being with me.