Thank you so much. It means alot to hear from you-- all of you-- at this time... It still hurts as bad as it did the day it happened... I feel so silly because I just simply cannot stop crying, even at school... I cried for a whole class period. It was really weird... I think what really hurts is what I'm hearing from friends that he hasn't told me.. That he just didn't like me anymore or something... but hey, he still wants to be friends. And god damnit, that's going to be REALLY hard. I can't see him now as anything but my love, the greatest man in the world who made me feel loved, like I had always wanted to feel, in that way, of course. I still have those feelings. So much so, that when I hear his voice or hear his laugh, I shudder and begin to cry, for I know that it's over... and that he's not laughing with me, or anything like that...
I'm trying really hard to just do things to distract myself. I've been spending alot of time with my friends, and just doing things aside from being on the computer. (I'm avoiding MSN and Facebook as much as possible...)
Again, I really do appreciate your care and understanding and words of love. They mean so much to me, as you have become a figure of admiration of mine since Otakon and since we've talked more... You and many other people I've met... I'm weird, I know.
Aww, none of that makes you weird at all, ma cherie. It's perfectly normal, if not ideal, to cry your eyes out. Eventually you'll run out of tears, but even though your eyes will be red and weary, you'll be able to see your situation in a much better light. It really sucks that he'd been going behind your back about it--I for one did not see that coming. Being two-faced is more commonly something that girls do, anyway. At the same rate, that's obviously something that would have brought down your relationship in the end. He's been (apparently) lying to you about how he feels, and that is absolutely not acceptable when you're in a couple. You may feel like he was your true prince charming. But I'm going to say, at the risk of sounding trite, that there are other fish in the sea. The truth? He doesn't deserve you because he couldn't feel to the capacity that you were able to feel about him. It sucks, I know.
Actually, while I've been nervous worrying about you, I'm glad not to hear from you because it means you're staying away from the internet and thinking about unrelated things. I mean, the internet doesn't consist of him, but when you go on Fb and see that a huge portion of your pictures are together... and then read what he's doing in the feed... it's quite distracting. Trust me--I know. (I imagine having to be at the same school for a few more years will be difficult--but at least it's not, say, six years.) Though I only experienced a smaller or perhaps just different degree of the kind of relationship you had, I know that it was enough to make me feel completely worthless and hurt to this day. But these are the things we must carry with us to make us better people.
In the meantime, I hope you're starting to feel better. If not, I recommend the song "Still Hurting" from Jason Robert Brown's _The Last Five Years_. You'll understand once you hear it--if you need a copy, gimme your e-mail and I'll send you one because this song is worth it.
Lots and lots of love and well-wishes. Keep me updated when you can! (Yes, I, too, have taken quite a fondness to you despite the fact that we only met in August--but who cares about time? I'm starting to feel like I've known you forever, anyway; you've got me all worried about you as though your problems were my own! And certainly, now they are, since I keep you in my thoughts! <3)
It still hurts as bad as it did the day it happened... I feel so silly because I just simply cannot stop crying, even at school... I cried for a whole class period. It was really weird...
I think what really hurts is what I'm hearing from friends that he hasn't told me.. That he just didn't like me anymore or something... but hey, he still wants to be friends. And god damnit, that's going to be REALLY hard. I can't see him now as anything but my love, the greatest man in the world who made me feel loved, like I had always wanted to feel, in that way, of course. I still have those feelings. So much so, that when I hear his voice or hear his laugh, I shudder and begin to cry, for I know that it's over... and that he's not laughing with me, or anything like that...
I'm trying really hard to just do things to distract myself. I've been spending alot of time with my friends, and just doing things aside from being on the computer. (I'm avoiding MSN and Facebook as much as possible...)
Again, I really do appreciate your care and understanding and words of love. They mean so much to me, as you have become a figure of admiration of mine since Otakon and since we've talked more... You and many other people I've met...
I'm weird, I know.
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Actually, while I've been nervous worrying about you, I'm glad not to hear from you because it means you're staying away from the internet and thinking about unrelated things. I mean, the internet doesn't consist of him, but when you go on Fb and see that a huge portion of your pictures are together... and then read what he's doing in the feed... it's quite distracting. Trust me--I know. (I imagine having to be at the same school for a few more years will be difficult--but at least it's not, say, six years.) Though I only experienced a smaller or perhaps just different degree of the kind of relationship you had, I know that it was enough to make me feel completely worthless and hurt to this day. But these are the things we must carry with us to make us better people.
In the meantime, I hope you're starting to feel better. If not, I recommend the song "Still Hurting" from Jason Robert Brown's _The Last Five Years_. You'll understand once you hear it--if you need a copy, gimme your e-mail and I'll send you one because this song is worth it.
Lots and lots of love and well-wishes. Keep me updated when you can! (Yes, I, too, have taken quite a fondness to you despite the fact that we only met in August--but who cares about time? I'm starting to feel like I've known you forever, anyway; you've got me all worried about you as though your problems were my own! And certainly, now they are, since I keep you in my thoughts! <3)
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