(no subject)
It's been about three weeks since Jonathan moved in with his friends. It's been up and down...sometimes I feel like this isn't working at all and sometimes I see progress. Honestly, I'm taking it day by day.
With myself, I've been making much more of an attempt to be healthy physically and mentally. Mentally, I'm not doing so well. I still get highly emotional when I talk about the situation, so generally I don't talk about it. I've also been sleeping a lot, probably too much. When I'm not doing that though, I work out and eat well and try my best to accomplish small goals around the house or at work.
Jonathan hasn't been very good at long distance texting, which is frustrating. He takes forever to respond and sometimes forgets entirely. I get it. He is living with his friends now, meaning he's always busy playing games or hanging out with them, where as I just sit around all evening waiting for him to respond to me. It's not exactly healthy. I've confronted him about being more attentive of me and I do think he's trying. He came to visit this weekend...when he visits it's great one moment and a meltdown the next. We'll have a wonderful evening but then once I get the sense he's ready to leave, I feel this overwhelming sense of rejection that I can't control. And I never want him to leave. So I usually end up crying and telling him I don't understand why it has to be like this and blah blah blah, I don't want to be that way anymore.
We both have a lot still to work on before we get back to where we were. He needs to work on his selfishness and his own problems of not knowing what he wants. I need to work on being more independent and having more purpose than just to serve him and not myself. It's a learning process. What's important to me is that we are both still committed to trying and at the moment that's all I can really ask for.
With myself, I've been making much more of an attempt to be healthy physically and mentally. Mentally, I'm not doing so well. I still get highly emotional when I talk about the situation, so generally I don't talk about it. I've also been sleeping a lot, probably too much. When I'm not doing that though, I work out and eat well and try my best to accomplish small goals around the house or at work.
Jonathan hasn't been very good at long distance texting, which is frustrating. He takes forever to respond and sometimes forgets entirely. I get it. He is living with his friends now, meaning he's always busy playing games or hanging out with them, where as I just sit around all evening waiting for him to respond to me. It's not exactly healthy. I've confronted him about being more attentive of me and I do think he's trying. He came to visit this weekend...when he visits it's great one moment and a meltdown the next. We'll have a wonderful evening but then once I get the sense he's ready to leave, I feel this overwhelming sense of rejection that I can't control. And I never want him to leave. So I usually end up crying and telling him I don't understand why it has to be like this and blah blah blah, I don't want to be that way anymore.
We both have a lot still to work on before we get back to where we were. He needs to work on his selfishness and his own problems of not knowing what he wants. I need to work on being more independent and having more purpose than just to serve him and not myself. It's a learning process. What's important to me is that we are both still committed to trying and at the moment that's all I can really ask for.