new idea for 2009
ever notice how different situations involving friends and family seem to arise, but there is no easy or effective way of addressing the issue? or you have an idea of how to approach the issue, but can't seem to find the way to say what you want to say? i think i've come up with an idea of how to remedy the situation:
greeting cards.
BUT not your run of the mill american greetings abominations with kittens, balloons and a stupid maxim attached. no, my greeting cards (hitting the shelves mid july, hopefully) are totally different. here are a few examples of what i've been working on....
for the good friend who was recently dumped and clearly not over their ex:
Front : picture of a dumpster filled to capacity, topped off with human remains. either illustrated or an actual photo.
Caption : "My sincerest condolences to the end of your shitty relationship"
Inside caption: "You ex was a soulless cunt/prick. I hope they find themselves at the gnarling fangs of a wild pack of city dogs. but please... for your sake and mine, shut the fuck up about it. It's over. Quit your bitching."
for the ex- friend who has something of yours that you want back, but because of akwardness and social ineptness, refuses to return it.
Front: a picture of the item they're holding on to
Inside caption: "Fucker, give me my shit back or receive a summons to civil court."
For the friend who finally turned their life around, started attending community college, and got a menial job
Front: a picture of a maserati
Caption: "You've come a long way, asshole..."
Inside Caption: "But you still have a LONG way to go. Congratulations on getting your shit together."
For the birthday boy/girl
Front: a cupcake with a razor blade garnish and a candle.
Inside caption: "God, you're fucking old."
For the end of a relationship
Front: a smashed pocketwatch
Inside caption: "I sincerely regret wasting so much time. Please return any and all personal affects of mine that I may have left at your apartment"
I think this is really going to take off!
greeting cards.
BUT not your run of the mill american greetings abominations with kittens, balloons and a stupid maxim attached. no, my greeting cards (hitting the shelves mid july, hopefully) are totally different. here are a few examples of what i've been working on....
for the good friend who was recently dumped and clearly not over their ex:
Front : picture of a dumpster filled to capacity, topped off with human remains. either illustrated or an actual photo.
Caption : "My sincerest condolences to the end of your shitty relationship"
Inside caption: "You ex was a soulless cunt/prick. I hope they find themselves at the gnarling fangs of a wild pack of city dogs. but please... for your sake and mine, shut the fuck up about it. It's over. Quit your bitching."
for the ex- friend who has something of yours that you want back, but because of akwardness and social ineptness, refuses to return it.
Front: a picture of the item they're holding on to
Inside caption: "Fucker, give me my shit back or receive a summons to civil court."
For the friend who finally turned their life around, started attending community college, and got a menial job
Front: a picture of a maserati
Caption: "You've come a long way, asshole..."
Inside Caption: "But you still have a LONG way to go. Congratulations on getting your shit together."
For the birthday boy/girl
Front: a cupcake with a razor blade garnish and a candle.
Inside caption: "God, you're fucking old."
For the end of a relationship
Front: a smashed pocketwatch
Inside caption: "I sincerely regret wasting so much time. Please return any and all personal affects of mine that I may have left at your apartment"
I think this is really going to take off!